I had an affair while I was married, we were married for 16 years and have a daughter together. I was unhappy, lonely and tried to reach out to my husband to get counseling together. He thought it was a waste of money and told me I was a bitchy wife. I met someone while we were married and he made me feel beautiful, loved, important and actually enjoyed having a conversation with me. We started meeting after I would drop my daughter off at school and while my husband was at work. It went on for months and then I started to realize what […]
Tag:
blame
I hurt myself again today.
Just to make sure I’m still alive. Another scar on my arm, another broken frame.
The blood falls onto the sheets, the crippling fear at my gates.
Another failure in the books. No one hears my screams, my happiness is a lie.
But that’s the price of making others happy.
And the only pain in death is felt by those who are left behind.
Our empty world is cruel, hurtful and unforgiving. It will break you.
I still remember your beautiful face. Those fleeting moments we shared.
I can only hope you’re still with me, holding me close while I cry myself to sleep.
I don’t blame you. Your […]
Anyone else out there depressed, and feeling like hell, but not suicidal?
by thelost
written by thelost
I don’t know why I go on anymore, it’d be easiest to give it a fucking rest and be the recluse I’m meant to be. I just drag myself through this hell again and again. I have nobody else to blame but myself for the way I feel. I just wish sometimes I wasn’t so alone, but the thing is that it’s my fault and there’s no good excuse for it. Most days I can force the smile on my face to be real enough that even I believe it, for a time at least. The thing is that no matter how long I smile […]
i let everybody down.
my arrogance is to blame.
my over confidence,
as well as the disillusion of actually being able to excell at anything that would be useful.
what am i now?
nothing.
i have done nothing worthy of note
and yet i have managed to convince all who know me into thinking otherwise.
i am not intelligent
i am not good at sport
neither am i good looking or funny
i am the definition of a disappointment.
i will probably achieve nothing with my life.
I have come to terms with my lack of real importance
as well as all who i have […]
where do i start?
How about with the life everyone thought i had – hell i even deluded myself into believing it for awhile – and then the rape and then the child and i can’t say if the 2 happened at the same time and now that grown little girl is crying her eyes out over a tiny cut her Mother made on her wrist- she called her brother – didn’t ask me anything… I don’t blame her – I wasn’t there for her like i should have been – ever.. I’ve tried to be there now – but she saw the cut – it […]
My wife of 5 years left me about 2 weeks ago, out of the blue.
I take some responsibilities in light that I have anger issues. We had cyclical arguments in which I blew up every 6 months, and in my anger I lost my self. My wife has told me that she lives in fear because of this.
I thought I was making improvements… For example when I have temper outburst, I no longer make threatening gestures (only my tone of voice was escalated, and I had hostile look on my face). But she said enough is enough, she is not willing to give me any […]
Day after day I sit in my room and watch the sunrise from my bed. Night after night I wake up to the sounds of my family getting ready for bed. I’m so afraid. I’m alone in every sense of the word, and it terrifies me. The fact that nobody will remember me after my inevitable death makes me sick. The fact that my family would only show up to my funeral because they have to nauseates me. The fact that I’m the one pushing people away makes me see red. I can’t understand my own emotions and the only thing I can think about is […]
E I miss you so so much I hurt every second of your absence I can’t go on like this I’m so tired of it no matter what know I love you with my whole heart I don’t blame you for what you did Im not someone that deserves greatness
I’ll always love you carino is what the letter said
I just joined this site after stumbling upon it researching suicide methods. I know I’m not supposed to share that sort of thing so I’ll just say I was wondering for a moment if I could turn my suicide into a test on how to slow and prolong the bleeding out process if someone’s throat was slit, maybe even create a method to rescuing someone like that, by cutting my own and recording a little experiment, but finding this made me rethink how I got to this conclusion…
I first attempted in third grade, with a makeshift hanging that broke because it was built idioticly in […]
Sometimes I wish I could die in a car wreck or something, so my family members won’t blame themselves. I’ve seen quotes that stand up to the fact that we give people signs that we are not ‘okay’. We give them so many signs they are just too oblivious to the truth to see it. I don’t have to cover up my cuts, I mean yeah I put a little powder on them, but that is practically nothing. It doesn’t make them disappear. That doesn’t take the pain and misery away. Doesn’t take away all the depression. I love my family to death but currently […]
i’m so sick of this bullshit.
when there are many people around, they say that they’re so proud of me, that they’re lucky to have me as their daughter.
meanwhile at home, they just yell at me about how a disgrace i am to the family.
everything i do is for them, even just studying, even living.
they don’t believe in suicide, they tell me that people who commited suicide were just tempted by the devil.
but what they don’t know is that their own daughter is too.
i’ve been the salutatorian ever since i began studying. i’ve been the editor-in-chief of our school newsletter. i always join contests, but never won […]
My mother is a lesbian. She hasn’t come out to me or my older sister yet in years. She and my father have been divorced for over 10 years. It’s a secret that I dispise having. She puts it in our faces that she’s gay and has and has had girlfriends. Recently I’ve been really depressed and she’s been putting it in my face that I’m wrong and that I’m her most problematic child. My sister is 7 years older than me. I am 19 and she is 26. She is living at home and has been living at home ever since she back from […]
Let me tell you something: if you notice something I’ve done, if it’s not great, if you see a flaw a misstep a mistake
I probably caught it too, and I’m using it as an excuse to escape
Into old habits and unfriendly thoughts, bad methods and frequent haunts, and let me tell you something: it’s a long way down from where I am.
Let me tell you something: if I’m hurting you’ll know, but you’ll brush it off like I do because I will have my glow as camouflage
And I won’t blame you for mistaking the inferno of an implosion for sunshine, because really
I have a 2yr old and 4yr old and I never thought I would be in this place. However I’ve been sick too long now. I’m tired of doctors visits and fighting. 5 days that’s when it started the desire to just disappear. After all one moment of pain for my children can save them from a lifetime of watching their mother die. My husband building more debt and being my babysitter. All I’m becoming now is a pathetic meat sack anyway. So what’s the point. They will blame it on the tumurs in my head and my family will be free from me. There […]
it is very tiring to feel like the only one, to blame yourself for everything, to see choices that you made that are set in stone in a cruel world. it is very tiring to now have physical symptoms due to stress and feel it is your fault, it is very tiring to be alone and constantly struggling to get around seen by no one in this cruel ass world
ptsd and sexual abuse and no family and loneliness and self-blame and no way to get around and no one who truly cares is a recipe for going home
god doesnt care either b/c god has never […]
well today is my birthday. and i am debating whether or not i want to stay alive. no one knows what is going on with me or else i probably wouldn’t be sitting here alone. but that is ok. the people who do know i am suicidal ie shrink, therapist, all have other people to attend to. i am willing to bet i am not even on their radar today. i have the means, a place picked out, all i need is some gumption to get moving. the bottom line is i can’t take living like this anymore. this depression just won’t let up and […]
This ain’t about what I been through that took its course depression and ptsd is a ***** I self harm cuts cover my body between doctor visits seeing a physiatrist and medicine I still feel the same maybe because I’m alone. My parents say I do what white people do I tried to explain that self harm has no specific race or color I’m hurting inside why cant you see?? They just can’t stand to take the blame for what they’ve done. I’ve tried twice already and boy am I ashamed two many failed attempts it’s like I was meant to be here and suffer […]
I had just returned from a job interview. It was the first interview I have had in over a year. Since losing my job in Nov 2011…. I was trying all sorts of job opportunities… but with the same result. So much so that I lost hope and had been living out of my savings and later? with my parents? until this job interview came up. It seemed like a job offer on a platter – they desperately need to fill in the post in a weeks time -but I‘d not kept myself updated in the recent past – and couldnt answer the simplest questions. […]
I can’t really suicide me because of the consequences it would have on my family, but I think about doing it about twice a day. I am 26, male.
I had a happy and funny life, it was about to get even better. Then I screwed and turned it into a hell, all by my hands. I got plenty of advice and warnings, but I couldn’t stop me from doing a long chain of mistakes and freak out. Now I calmed down but in the last 6 weeks I pushed away a girl I loved, ruined my family’s happiness and made my father get depressed too, […]
I love him more than I love myself. I love him more than breathing. The only thing keeping me here is my boyfriend, the flame that keeps me warm eventhough all I feel is the paralyzingly coldness around me. I don’t want to leave him but I can’t stay anymore. What do I do? What can I do that if I do leave this world he will move on, that he won’t blame himself, that he’ll still be happy. I’m tore between my pain and my love, the only good thing left in my heart.