About a year ago I lost a job I was with six years…that’s around the time I lost my fiancé of 6 years. It was mainly due to depression and really stupid choices. I never cheated on her but I guess I was kind of a mean drunk. I found new work but couldn’t hack it there and ended up leaving and getting buried in credit card debt. I still haven’t been able to get out. I was with a job the last couple months that I really thought I could make work. Mostly due to my depression I started to despise it. Found myself […]
I was once a young, ambitious man. I loved smoking weed and one day I got some from California. It was really good and I sold a lot of it. Within 6 months, I was making about $2-3000 a week. I sold for about 5 years. I never had a job, just a full time dealer. Last year I spent 22k on plane tickets alone.
I would always use cash and avoid using my bank card and account, but I still managed to have 150k go through my bank account in the past 5 years. Plane tickets, for example, have to be bought on a card […]
I am so tired of people continuously waking out of my life, only being there when it will make them feel better. I posted yesterday about the hell that I went through as far as being abused. It is the effects of the abuse that I have worked six hard years on getting past that keeps people walking out of my life like some kind of fucking revolving door.
I have worked so hard to get past every muscle in my body stiffing up and feel like I want to crawl out of my skin every time I am touched. Now days I can give someone […]
I’m nearly 50, alone, poor and think about suicide every single day. I work hard, I am intelligent, I have had previous success in my life, but my line of work is extremely competitive and I must battle for even marginal pay. I live in a hovel, have no heating (even my space heater causes my powerstrip to overload, so my electricity is problematic), I work seven days a week and have done so for more than five years now. I have not even taken a minor vacation of one day since December 2010 so I am in my apartment constantly ( I work from […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Lies and begging for sympathy!!!
posts a long rant about me trying to make it sound like I’m crazy when I’m hurt by his avoiding me since he moved to the city and has his thin and popular friends around again, yet he will not allow me to post what I feel on facebook!
This is the first year where I will not have a family to celebrate my birthday with. I’ve received a card in the mail every single year from my parents, respectively, and this year, I won’t get that. I won’t get anything. Not that I need to receive something for my birthday but I’ll be completely alone.
The cuts of the one group of people who are supposed to love me no matter what are deeper than any knife or blade. What am I to do?
I can already feel my soul ripping apart. It’s going to hurt and it’s going to cause me to slip even […]
I am finally gonna buy it online for a 24 month subscription once I get my gift card. I hope this golden book will guide me to the pearly gates of eternal nothingness.
The reason I’m still here, as many of you know, is due to my lack of appropriate resources, and my desire to die a peaceful and calming death. I consider myself a student at the College of Suicidology with the goal of graduating from life with a Masters Degree in death.
Despite what our CULTure and the psychiatric establishment thinks about euthanasia, I own myself, they do not own me! I don’t have to submit […]
I’m new here, I’m here because I came across this randomly while googling.
I’m here because I’m planning on killing myself in a few months.
the reason for this delay is I want to pay off my credit card before I go so as not to leave my family with too much of a burden. I also want to have time to plan my perfect last day.
I’m trying to approach this from the most rational direction possible. If I don’t go through with this I’ve got nothing else. I’m a college dropout working a crap job for nine dollars an hour. I can’t connect with people. My […]
My dad,always yells at me,mostly if I have late homework.He tells me “You only think about your self!” Finding me crying,telling me to think about myself!And not to long ago.I was crying I wanna die.My dad was like “I don’t care!(in a whiny baby voice) I’m so poor and I wanna die just because I have to clean!”.My friends and my mother only know why I wanna die.My dear friend,Dorothy, died from a stroke…shortly after my tenth birthday.And she had got me lots of things and I wanted my mom to tell her I said “thank you” she said “no your going to make a […]
Well It looks like I’m all alone once again in my dorm room tonight.. Worse part is I walked down to the lobby of my dormitory and saw a big group of my friends playing a card with a group of guys. Said hi and they said hi back the rest just look at me awkwardly and do I say anything no. Thinking about reopening some old scars on my thighs with one of the spare razor blades in my dresser drawer to cover the pain for a while and just move on…. Much better then break down crying and maybe get some sleep.
So what […]
Hear I am. Stuck in the same fucking place. Repeating the same fucking task. Doing the same thing over and over again just so that I can blend in with the rest of the world and maybe just maybe I can be happy some day. I don’t know if I will ever be happy. I’m to fat, To stupid, and to emotionally in stable to do anything right. I’m diegnosed Ana and chronicly depressed. I just hate. Living, who made suicide wrong, aren’t we all jusrpt engineering ways to make like suck slightly less, why do we all choose to live in a world that […]
Hi,
I have been dealing with depression since 8th grade. Ive been in college since 2008 working to get a bachelor’s. I’ve withdrawn from 9 semesters (8 for depression and 1 for another health-related matter). I am trying to becone an actuary currently. I cannot seem to catch a break.
I have tried many medications, ECT, and therapy. The newest medixation, Brintellix was working fine. However, in my third week of the semester, my depression just came back. I missed class 3/4 days last week. Every day I worked myself out of feeling bad, ending each day on a high. Still, I would wake up in […]
After reading some of the replies to my post “What if its God’s plan?”, I’m no longer quite sure if it is His plan. However, my plan included buying a burial plot and headstone without my wife’s knowledge. I paid cash for the plot in the cemetery where my father is buried, and put a deposit on a tombstone that matches his. Whether or not I complete my plan, it is still important for me to see my headstone placed in the cemetery My plan involved getting a credit card (again w/o my wife’s knowledge) to pay for the stone. I do have a pre-approved […]
Thet is hard to imagine, in the thick of a depressive moment that emotions can lift and the depression can leave. After years and y,ears dealing with my depression, I find this is all too true! But we must remember, esp in the middle of an episode that it can change and it can lift!
This morning started out rough, last night’s depression continued to linger. I HAD to go to work, I wanted to go to work, but my heart was really back in the muck. So much so that when a lady asked me for a ride, I was mad. Oye. Not like me. […]
I don’t really know how to start… this is the first time I talk with someone other than myself or my dog about my thought. I don’t really have anyone around me I am comfortable talking with. I feel as a complete disappointment both to myself and to my family. I guess to give a little bit of background I’m 25, live somewhere in Canada. I cant even remember the first time I thought about dying… looking back things seem to have been going down hill since I was 16. I can’t really remember the happy times, I can’t remember having fun, just being empty. […]
I sold everything I own and gave every last dime to US immigration services for them to process my paper work. Every last dime and I a still stuck in Jamaica. I did some things I am not proud of to get that paperwork going. Some really unclean things. Oh lord I wish I could wash my hands of those things. But I can’t. Stained. Scared. I really want to fly out but can’t afford that $250 ticket. The man that petitioned for me, he and I had a falling out. I hope he doesn’t go to immigration and get my green card revoked. Cause […]
No matter how hard I try, and no matter that some things go right, I can’t get ahead in this life.
So, just lost my place to live Sunday night, staying with my brothers ex for as short a time as possible, we get along ok, but she just hates people in her living space, and I can totally respect that.
Still have my job, and work my ass off when I’m there. Pay is crap, and we’re now cutting hours. Since I started about 4 weeks ago, I was getting an average of 30 hours a week, which was just enough to cover my bills, keep […]
I always say I am keeping my suicide card in my pocket in case all else fails. I always tell myself once things have gone too far or are unbearable I will have a way out. In the past it has given me the courage I needed to take a chance or operate outside of my comfort zone. Today is one of the days where I think about cashing it in and making use of the “card”. Nothing is easy I get that. Living isn’t easy but neither is dying. Attempts at either option can make matters worse. I truly am trying very hard to […]
I want to take my life but I am too scared to do it. I’m not scared of what happens after. That part seems more of a comfort than anything else. I am more afraid of the act, of the pain in whatever method I chose or the consequence of failure of the attempt. I’m afraid of ending up a vegetable or worse that the people closest to me actually see me and I have to look them in the eye to answer their questions.
I wish there were clinincs that we could go to. You just walk in, fill out some forms, pass an evaluation […]
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