Hello. Im at school right now. I should be studying but I’ve got to decompress first. I don’t think people want me atound. I don’t feel well. Do you ever wish you could stick your hand inside your head and rip out the things you don’t like about yourself? I would like to rip out the thing inside my head that makes me feel weird when around others. I wish I could stop caring. I don’t feel well. I don’t want it anymore. Back to studying. Thanks for listening.
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caring
The friend I got to know with a mutual fetish and I ended up really liking beyond. I don’t know what kind of relationship it was. More then a platonic friendship, yet no serious commintment.
I guess it is my fault that I love him. Him for showing me something caring, sensual and loving without wanting to get into my pants.
He broke it to me a week ago. When we saw us first and had a lovely day together and wanting to repeat it some time later he actually saw another one. A real, biological woman and not just some wannabe.
He said he was sorry that he lied to […]
They don’t have to know.
Heck, they shouldn’t even know!
I can’t even explain why do I want to do this. But I just can’t face this anymore.
All those weird stares and subtle jabs, even from my lovely, caring parents.
I really should die, shouldn’t I.
Just feeling like nobody cares. Because why would they? What does caring for someone even mean? Why would you waste your time caring for someone you know is a ticking bomb? Is it so that they won’t be one? Why would any of you care about helping me? Why would any of you care about me? You don’t know me. Do we ever actually care about someone we don’t know? We might? But do we? So what if I don’t know myself. Do I care?
I find my self not caring even more every day. What’s the point?
I don’t have any friends anymore . I’m practically alone . And at first I was scared but now I’m fine. I feel awkward being in public . I’m still really social , I just feel like people are judging me .
I find enjoyment in going on dates with other men. This is my secret . I done this so many times. i get to feel like the spotlight is on me for 3 seconds . But in the end none of these men make me happy . I don’t feel the need […]
its been a while since I’ve posted on SP mainly because I’ve been pretty happy lately. About 2 months ago I had a big fight with my mom and I told her to shove it and that I would rather live in my car than live with her so that’s what I did. Yeah I had the balls to do it so I did I slept in my car for 2 weeks and I was extremely bored but happier than I was at home and then I told my ex girlfriend and her parents took me in because they always liked me only one was […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I really wish I could talk about this with anybody, but I know it’s not a good idea. It never was. It will never be. Empathy and caring are just fantasies or lies people tell you to make you feel you are living a better life.
I see people of my same age around me that excel at one thing, or even more. They can do whatever they like. And then there I am, a good for nothing fuck. Every time I try something, I fail. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just never meant to be. I could write a book with a list of […]
Okay guys I have a confession. I’m addicted to SP! It has been so much more active and so many new stories have been shared even ones that have made me smile and giggle a bit! You guys are bringing me happiness and it’s nice to be able to share these things with you all! I was having a really shitty night/morning but after sitting here and reading comment after comment and story after story my mind hasn’t gone to it’s regular negative state and instead I’ve felt more positive and happy inside just by seeing how caring and humorous you all can be. Thank […]
I’ve received alot of love in my time here on this website. I appreciate all the love given my way. None of you know me, but I might as well say that I have decided I will take my life. I don’t know when, but I will. It seems so peaceful. I’m at peace with the decision as well. I think it is what’s best for me, to be honest. I’ve had too much happen to me in 2 years and I’m left with no will/desire to live. I’m going to try to enjoy the time I have here left with friends and then I’m […]
I cant stop crying right now….. I used to be depressed and i have been clean for the past few months.. Thinking thay the summer would make everything better. It didn’t i started cutting again and had to hide my scars with my ankle bracelet and my mom has seen them and she yelled at me but stopped caring. Nowone cares anymore and im always spending my time alone…… My mom is alwyas telling me that im screwing up all of the time and she always gets mad at everything i do. And i dont think i can wait till senior year to be free […]
Sometimes we wake from a dream and realize we’ve been dreaming some part of that dream over and over again.
This morning I woke from a dream with the knowledge that I’d dreamt about the same fish tank many times.
The tank was covered by some kind of sheet, and had been neglected by me for such a long time that no fish could possibly be alive.
I left it alone and continued to ignore it.
Eventually, I decided to remove the cover, though I really didn’t want to. But I did. I don’t know the reason why I could no longer ignore it.
To my surprise, […]
I don’t sleep much. But when I do, I dream a lot.
I just woke from a dream in which I met an old friend, after years apart. On the one hand it was pleasant, because it meant being with people again, and life, and enthusiasm. But it was also painful, because the way I related to everyone was just like in real life. I hid my true self. I could feel myself being deceptive about what I really felt, believed, who I really was. Even with caring, sympathetic, intelligent people, predisposed to viewing me positively, I have to pretend.
It’s the same with everyone I meet. […]
I lied to my parents about having suicidal thoughts and carrying on self harming. Should I come clean because they are getting worse I keep taking pills and cutting and I feel its going to get worse. Should I go doctors? Or maybe counseling? I dunno what to do I feel myself fading away everyday a bit more :‘( I haven’t been able to speak to anyone 🙁 I’m going into a deeper depression and no one is caring about it 🙁 I feel like one day everyone will care when it is too late :‘(
They’re out again tonight.
Not that I asked to know what they’re doing, they still think it’s okay to tell me. Show me the life I walked out of. And maybe it is for some people, maybe some people can handle seeing what they lost.
I’d be with them if I was still there.
Or would I?
Long ago, when we first met I’d be with them. Then everything went downhill. Bits of me began to fall off the faster I went.
I’m not feeling particularly anything recently, I just feel dead. If that’s even a thing. If death could be felt. The absence of everything. The absence of caring. […]
I’ve built my life on trust… confiding in people, caring for them, loving them. And today I’ve realised most, if not all, have broken my trust in the last few weeks, when I needed them most. I’m doubting whether or not people are worth it… Is trust really not worth it?
It all started on111914 when I fell inlove with my boyfriend he was eveythinng I wanted a swimmer soccer play and a good looking guy he was so sweet and caring. This past friday he had a big swim meet I was so proud of him. After we hung at his house and got icecream we go in a fight and he broke up with me I was a reck. The next night I find my self taking 12 pills and my family yelling and me. The next morming I think I will never kiss him or hear his voice or anything again. So now […]
Like all of us here, ive spent more than enuff time swimming in a pool of self imposed agony, I realize its all an illusion inside my head. Ultimately ive decided to LET GO. And realize we all are dying whether we want to or not. I guess suffering is nessesary in order to see the truth. It became easier when i just stopped caring.
Vibrations communicating the inner world of my soul
As it reaches out your ear runs towards the door.
Absorbed through the wood of the floor, muted by the rubber of your sole.
Dogs only see the food I have in my hand, but nevering caring when I fail.
Distractions are luxury I can never afford; when I can it’s always an empty shelf.
Let’s go for that walk, take us to remember the past, the place I broke the half filled glass.
Remind me of all those scars, down to every last shard, pick them up to reflect the moonless nights.
How long till I bleed out from a fragment I will […]
I truly am.
I’m sorry for being concerned.
I’m sorry for caring too much.
I’m sorry for being so attached to you.
I’m sorry for putting your happiness before my own.
I’m sorry.
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