Tag:

Cigarettes

It’s been too long.

by Kay-Kay 1/2/2016

written by Kay-Kay

How easy it is to feel badly. To let yourself go into that place

When you want so much, but have so little motivation.

You begin to blame yourself. Maybe others. Maybe a combination, that it began with them but now it’s just you.

And I should probably just be saying I, because it might not be relevant to you.

I can’t succeed. Most of me doesn’t want to, and everyday I tell myself today doesn’t matter, because tomorrow I will make myself not be here. I will make myself irrelevant. I will kill myself. But tomorrow comes, and I haven’t.

I’ve become addicted to procrastination. Sex. Love. […]

1/2/2016 1 comment

Another Lonely Saturday

by thejocobaby 9/20/2015

written by thejocobaby

I want to swallow all my pills. I am unsure about wanting to die. But this exsistence seems meaningless. And lonely. I want all the things im supposed to hate. Alcohol. Cigarettes. My bulimia. Sex eith strangers. I want all of it to help ease my sadness, my lonely, my anxiety and insecurity. I feel so desperate and lonely. Why am i all alone.

9/20/2015 10 comments

I’m trying

by sleeplessinSTL 7/30/2013

written by sleeplessinSTL

As of right now, I’m at the bottom of the pit. If you look at my charts, I should be doing okay. But I feel so utterly depressed. I haven’t smoked weed or cigarettes in a month, and I’m not abusing my medicine. I’m also seeing a therapist and have hung out with my friends more often. Well, my clean friends that is.

Of course there’s a dark side though. I started drinking again. It’s not a lot, but I know it’s not good for me. Honestly though, if I don’t have a piece of the old me, I fear I’ll go insane. The thing is, […]

7/30/2013 10 comments

Uhhh.

by lifekilledthelifeinme 7/28/2013

written by lifekilledthelifeinme

So apparently I should be doing something with my life. Yeah, cause chasing after the wind makes perfect sense. Work a job I don’t wanna work at and make money that I could really care less about. This life is chasing after false hopes and dreams. Why are we even here? I don’t get it. Apparently to live this human experience I suppose. But there’s nothing that the world has to offer me. I don’t care about anything. I’m just accustomed to waking up, eating, taking a shit and repeat. Play some candy crush and drown myself in music, that’s life for me. […]

7/28/2013 0 comment

Fucking fed up.

by TJ. 7/24/2013

written by TJ.

Eleven years. It’s been eleven years since I’ve had control over my emotions. Since I have felt any sense of normalcy or joy.

Medication after medication. None of them have worked.

Electro shock therapy. Gave me six months of relief before I relapsed, and my psychiatrist is convinced that the habits and anxiety and addictions that I never used to have before the ECT would have happened anyway. When I went through the treatment, I had no memory of anything for months straight. I forgot how to drive, where I was half the time, and each session was nightmarish.

Speaking of my psychiatrist, since I’ve started seeing him, […]

7/24/2013 0 comment

No one would’ve guessed.

by Lullaby 6/15/2013

written by Lullaby

My name shall remain anonymous. I’ll go by KLM, just to make things easier for everyone who decides to read this.

This is my story. It involves: depression, mood disorder, drugs, drinking, sex, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, and lots of other mature content. I don’t want to trigger anyone, so just stating it before hand. Here goes nothin’.

I was born in Las Vegas, Nevada. Still live in the same house after being alive for these past sixteen years. A lot has happened in my life the past five years. When I was a child, I was a good kid. I got good grades, hardly ever got […]

6/15/2013 1 comment

What to do???

by boredom1999 6/10/2013

written by boredom1999

When i was about two years old, my mum left me in a small house with an 11 year old babysitter for a whole weekend to get drunk.

I remember people telling me that i would have been in care if it wasn’t for my Dad, although now that i’m growing into my teenage years he doesn’t pay any attention to me. I live with my Nan and Granddad. My Granddad is maybe the only person i appreciate, along with my best friends. I obviously love my family, but i feel awkward around my Dad, and my Nan’s constantly drunk and angry, and she’s spending all […]

6/10/2013 4 comments

by TheFacelessPoet47 6/9/2013

written by TheFacelessPoet47

im so anti social that im pretty sure the only person that knows my name is the old lady that always scolds me for buying cigarettes. My boss hates me so he has loaded with me so much work that i cant possibly do it all, so once again ill fail, and he will have an excuse to get rid of me. I have had writers block for months now, i dont even feel like i deserve my username of a poet. I’d like to keep cutting but i cant stand to watch myself bleed. How do other adults handle all this shit. Fuck im […]

6/9/2013 1 comment

act now, for a limited time!

by clevername 5/9/2013

written by clevername

Insinuation is fun.

Wordpress is annoying.

Anyway…

This is my first “post,” though my story is entirely too convoluted and nebulous to really nail… so i’ll just say this:

I’m an early-middle-aged white male, who has had a profoundly depressing, worthless, lonely and unfulfilling life.

I don’t burn or cut or self-harm (unless cigarettes count), i don’t drink (at all) or do any drugs (haven’t even smoked any cannabis in over a year, now… though i will admit i’ll never truly stop loving it)…

Though i have had a few isolated incidents in the past, where i lost self-control and did self-harm, it has never been anything that persists or establishes […]

5/9/2013 9 comments

last yr this yr..shit im different

by fakingit 4/18/2013

written by fakingit

yeah so shit i remember last yr shit ive been a member of this site for a year now. damn yeah so lets start there then..ive grown up so much and at the same time hit rock bottom.

last yr i was being bullied for being fat at the same time i was starving myself and working myself to the max to get thin. i did it. then one bite of food became an addiction over this past yr now i have start over with that.

last yr i was scared to leave the house. now this yr i leave and i tell haters to […]

4/18/2013 2 comments

I’m losing my grip

by lifes_end 3/30/2013

written by lifes_end

I’ve told you her story now I’ll tell you mine. I’m Angel and I’m 13, I’ve gone through so much though so don’t judge me on my age. I’ve been raped and beaten, I’ve been hated on and abused, both physically and mental, I’m suicidal and IÂ cut. I’ve gone through so much and I don’t understand why I’m here anymore. Why do I have to live on this earth full of haters? Anyway, when I was 10 I was put up for adoption and I was taken in by a family in Louisiana. They were okay, for the first week. They had 5 other kids […]

3/30/2013 1 comment

another suicide story (true)

by doniak 3/11/2013

written by doniak

I haven’t told anyone this just because it’s hard for me, and no one has really cared to ask but it’s okay. I’m only posting this here because we’re all alike and we don’t judge each other.
I never really have been a kid with friends, not until this year. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t because I was antisocial. I was and still am the exact opposite. always making people laugh, smiling, and talking to people, but other than that, I was pretty much always ignored, and I was “the girl who most people like but doesn’t have any friends.” And let me tell […]

3/11/2013 6 comments

Poison

by Rain 2/24/2013

written by Rain

It seems that ever since I found out that my only love is expecting a child i’ve changed.

It was as if my heart had been poisoned..I thought it would surely kill me at first, the first week and a half that I spent crying, moaning, and begging for my life to be ended.
I’d even go out for walks late at night and hope someone would cause me harm. Kill me and leave my body in the gator infested swamps that someone or something may stand to gain from my life.
Pain so deep that it turned my heart black and my blood like tar. […]

2/24/2013 6 comments

my suicide story

by happyguy 2/10/2013

written by happyguy

Hello and I am here to share my suicide story! Thinking about suicide is a big part of my life and it is hard that I am not allowed to talk about it. I am a man and I am turning 30 next month.

I remember I was first thinking about suicide when I was 9. I was not thinking about it as something I would like to do. I was just thinking about it with curiosity.

By the time I was 15 I was feeling suicidal. I remember I was living in a suicidal fantasy most of the time. I couldn’t stop imagining horrible ways that […]

2/10/2013 0 comment

the plan

by simonire 2/4/2013

written by simonire

I have been talking to a few close friends about this but not yet written it down, this site is a great idea, ive just joined and im looking forward to reading more-its somewhat refreshing to not only know others out there are feeling like ending their life but that interaction is also possible- which is important.

Im a mature student in my finial year of uni, i dont really drink or do drugs anymore, its taken me 8 years to get to this point as my teeneage years and general social circles are all based on booze.drinking was making me miserable, so i stopped or […]

2/4/2013 1 comment

Wish me good luck!

by hazelleyes 1/29/2013

written by hazelleyes

So, here it goes: I’m a failure. I didn’t pass one freaking exam this semester.

Consequence: I get my money cut off. So now I won’t have money for cigarettes, coffee, an occasional night out – pretty much all the little things that were keeping me alive.

I can’t kill myself yet. My mom is not strong enough to be able to take it yet. So that will have to wait for a little bit – no matter how much I wish I could do it now.

Solution: Get a Job. So I’m leaving in a little bit to try and go get job at the casino – […]

1/29/2013 4 comments

I Am So Confused

by TheLostandAlone 12/27/2012

written by TheLostandAlone

Why do I keep fucking shit up? Why am I so stupid? I just… Feel like I am no good to anyone. I feel like all I do is screw shit up. I have nowhere to go, no friends that I can rant to freely without them getting annoyed and I’m left to this site. I have hit rock-bottom, and my last resort was this website.

Tell me, how pathetic does that sound? A site called The Suicide Project is where I go to when I need to vent. Yeah, most may call me lucky: I’ve been accepted into an amazing cosmetology school, I’m a model, […]

12/27/2012 5 comments

I Can’t

by Imsodone 11/20/2012

written by Imsodone

Okay, nothing is working. I’m always sad even when I’m happy, I feel empty. I stopped cutting. although it sounded like a good idea, but I can’t not cut. cutting was my way to release the fucking pain I feel inside. and honestly, I want to start smoking again. I want to smoke and just forget about everything. I’m such a failure. my friends don’t want me to smoke cigarettes anymore, but they have no problem trying to pressure me to smoke cigars (no not those big fat ones that mob bosses smoke all the time) where is your logic??

So, my question to you, where […]

11/20/2012 1 comment

You think life is shit??????

by chud 11/16/2012

written by chud

I’ve been reading through a lot of posts over the last few days and I have too say get a grip Some of you. I’m 34 years old and reading some of the comments on here you really don’t have a clue. I’ve been there as a 14 year old and the girl that I love so much has split up with me so I slit my wrists. At 15 I got started on by 7 people my own age and all I could do was run away as fast as I could or literally get kicked to death. I was so ashamed to run […]

11/16/2012 1 comment

Lost

by CellophaneFire 11/5/2012

written by CellophaneFire

I’m two faced, one good one bad. I hate it. I was suicidal, a smoker and an alcoholic for some time. Im only 13. I was in a hospital a few weeks ago for suicidal thoughts & attempts. I still hate myself, but I realize that if I commit suicide, I won’t ever rest. There, I met amazing people with problems. They made me stop hating myself by a little, and spending time around them helped give me a new insight to life.

My mom & I have never been on good terms, & when we finally were, I thought that now i could kill myself […]

11/5/2012 0 comment

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