next year I’m supposed to go to college
but when somebody asks me what do I want to study I don’t know what to say to them.
I never thought that I would make it pass this age.
Don’t be confused, this isn’t a survivor story, I’m not happy to be here.
I feel so lost and they expect me to think of something to study next year but I don’t want to do anything with my life
I’ve never planned to turn 18 so my future is really foggy, to be honest
Tag:
College.
Do you ever look back at your life and just instantly break down in tears? I am 18 years old, and in all of those 18 years I have done nothing productive for myself or for this world. I never tried in school, I really just barely got by. I never focused on building strong friendships or relationships, or at least never succeeded in them. I played soccer for most of my life, but was never great. I like to sing and play guitar, but I’m mediocre at best. I never excelled at anything I did, i just existed. The part that frustrates me […]
Im an 18 year old girl, going into my first year of college in the fall. I feel like this is a great time in my life, i’m young, moving onto new things, get to be on my own, get an education, but no. I am miserable. No matter how many good things are happening in my life, I either ruin them or they get ruined. I don’t get a long well with my parents at all, and lately things between them have been really bad. I’ve heard my mom say on multiple occasions she wants to leave him. I know every kid says they […]
What do you guys do with your free time?
What’s a good way to motivate myself?
Do I really have to be extremely friendly to my university professors to save myself from college? Or is this optional?
Sometimes I need to stop after listening too much music but then silence is deafening too. What can I do about it?
How can I stop the urges?
How can I minimize the meltdowns?
How can I be a better person?
Should I get a cat? I’m thinking of getting a Ragdoll Siamese. They say they’re very cuddly. I just realized the effectiveness of house pets. They are pretty […]
I’m a 17 year old girl in my senior year of high school. I don’t do terribly in school, but i also don’t do great. I’m kind of mediocre at everything I do. I’m also kind of a pot head. I don’t get along great with my parents, we have really different views on everything. I have always had a good amount of friends, but recently started drifting from a lot of them. I have one best friend, and she is sort of my only friend at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I love her like a sister, and she is a really good […]
And this is me. A person trapped inside her brain her own ethnicity and for the most of the day her bed.
For what did she live? Why did she come to this university? Is this the end afterall?
You know, I never imagined I would live to be even 18. 18 was such a grown up number, and growing up I was told I was “immature,” “didn’t understand how the world worked.”
How can I survive in a world that, I was told, wants to rape women like me? That I didn’t understand? That was totally unfair, which I should get used to? WHY DO I EVEN […]
My aunty is visiting me before I leave for college, and she is the prettiest of my mom’s siblings because she uses the most makeup and she is the “beauty expert”. The only downside to this is that she cares way too much about her looks and comments on other peoples’ too. I was at the mall with her today with one of my other family members, and she kept talking about how much smaller she is than I am, yet she still has more than double my breast size. She kept saying comments during dinner (we ate saucy chicken wings from her favorite restaurant) about […]
I’m trying to keep it together here… I feel like life is just bearing down as hard as it can right now without outright killing me in some torturous way. Yesterday I found out that my sister, my best and… pretty much only real friend in life has a cyst near her brain that’s pressing against it and causing bleeding. She went to Seattle by EM Transport last night and I talked to her for a while on Facebook but… I just wish I could be there with her.
Not a day earlier I talked with… the best guy I know. A guy I’ve had a […]
I know that what I’m feeling isn’t normal anymore. I look around and all I see are happy face in such an unfamiliar town. I desperately want to go home, but I don’t want to disappoint my parents just because I felt unhappy. I hear laughter,gossip, and everyone going out and having a great time. Everyone says college is suppose to be exciting, fun, full of endless friendships and adventure. So far all it’s been for me is crying, sadness, and an overwhelming feeling to be home.
I’ve caved into my depression when I’m here at school, I welcome it like the only friend I have. […]
Holy shit. i never thought that i would still be alive today. Things were so bad back then.
Having your first real boyfriend, whom to this day you both still have some kind of connection, rip your heart to shreds was enough to send me back into my depression. I was very close to ending it my junior year of high school. Then i went to a new school program and met people and got into some things i shouldnt have, but it gave me a reason to stay around, temporarily.
I actually graduated High School, and shortly after that i met a guy that i can […]
Sorry I’m so wordy, and you probably don’t care. I guess I’m just whiny.
My timeline of friends and now I have no one..
I am 99% sure that I want to kill myself. I really want to tell someone that so they could say they had a chance to save me, and they can feel less guilty when they can’t, so they can say at least they tried. But I don’t want to tell Julian (fake name) because he would try to stop me. I haven’t felt this sure about anything in a long time.
I’m going to do it. I need to at least try, or I can’t live with myself. (I guess I wouldn’t be living with myself anyway, ha.) I will be documenting the next few […]
Ever since I was younger, I have always put on a mask. I only let people see what I want them to see. And what I let them see is me, happy, hardworking, selfless, caring, okay. But because of this, I always end up bottling up the bad thoughts and feelings inside of me.
I have a great life compared to many people. I know this. I have great parents who love and support me. I get good grades in school. I’m from an upper middle-class family. I go to a great university and know I can go to a great graduate school. I’m healthy. I’m selfless, respectful, […]
Hi, Hello! Bonjour?
Don’t know the proper way to start a post like this. Or what to tell in a post like this.
So the thing is I probably failed another semester in college. Which is another six months of my life gone. Changing from one study to the other already cost me two semesters (twelve months).
I guess it wouldn’t be a problem if I had some goal in life but I don’t.. So I might better quit living? I don’t want to be the typical whining teenager but everyday I feel like I’m going nowhere with my life. Do I really want to do what I’m […]
I’m a college senior one semester away from graduating. Logically, I know that I have my whole future ahead of me. But I can hardly bring myself to care. I don’t even see a point anymore. I’ll graduate, work at a job I hate, and spend my money repaying my student loans. If I even graduate.
With work and school, and my own social anxiety, I never talk to my friends anymore. The only family I have are my parents. And, to be honest, they’re the only thing keeping me here. If I didn’t know how devastated they would be if I killed myself, I would […]
I’m in college in my first semester just taking gen eds and it is going quite well. I have just finals left, but as of now I have a 4.0 (granted I have the best teachers in the world). I’m living at home right now because my community college is right down the street, and it’s the best I can afford. I was looking up degrees and found out that nursing fits me perfectly, however because I am attending community college, the four year colleges around me won’t accept me because I am doing my first two years at the community college. […]
I gave myself one week for me to change my mind, and to not execute my plan to attempt suicide. The day that I planned to execute my plan, and end my life was Friday. I told myself that if anyone showed that they actually cared about me, or if someone gave me a reason to live that I wouldn’t end my life. One of my ex-college professors called my cell phone this weekend. He asked if I was okay, and said that I seemed troubled the last time that he talked to me. I immediately tried to reassure him […]
Hi to whoever is reading this. I don’t know where to begin. I’ve never done anything like this before. I’m embarrassed. I’m ashamed. Going into college, being an 18 year old girl felt amazing. I pictured myself partying, having so many friends and so much fun. I tried to play myself off as that person for the first month. And it didn’t occur to me that I was draining myself slowly. Finally, at the beginning of last month, I realized that these “friends” I had made were interested in who I pretended to be. I couldn’t fight it anymore. I wouldn’t fit in if I […]
I’m not sure where to start with this, so I’ll just pick a place and begin. Currently I don’t have any friends or anyone to talk to. I don’t want to get attached to anyone because if I do decide to go through with suicide, then it’ll just be another person I hurt.
I’m 21 and over the last five years, my life has been nothing but oppression. High school was hell. I could not fit in with anyone and was occasionally picked on because of my unnaturally high voice for a guy. I basically isolated myself from everyone since I was ashamed of my voice. […]
I turn twenty in September. I stand at 5’4”, 123 lbs, and am generally a healthy eater. I played the piano for seven years when I was younger and received copious amounts of praise for my talent. I enrolled in various activities, from fencing to tae kwon doe to art classes. I graduated high school with a 3.96 GPA and seven Advanced Placement courses under my belt. After all that, I was accepted into a prestigious university and ready to blossom into a confident, intelligent, self-sufficient and successful young woman, to break out of my shell, to take on the world.
I haven’t blossomed. In fact, I’ve completely […]
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