So, in English composition, we have to write a narrative about the first time we did something. I’m writing about the first time I cut. I mean, in my creative writing class that I took two years ago, I wrote a lot of really deep and dark stories. The counselors already know about my cutting and suicide attempts, so one more narrative can’t hurt, right?
Counselors
My life has been so unhappy for the short time I’ve spent here. I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD when I was only sixteen. My high school experience was horrible. I remember starting high school, I was so happy, excited, full of life. I remember one day walking up the stairs talking to a friends and they asked me how I could smile all the time for no reason. I can’t even remember the last time I truly smiled. I had an amazing group of eight girl friends, we had been close since middle school, then everything changed when I started hanging out with […]
So many countless times I have thought about killing myself.I wrote suicide letters after everytime I think about it. I have attempted it a couple of times but then I chicken out. I’m scared of death. I don’t know what Is going to happen to me. I wish I could be dead for a couple of seconds then come Back to see what death is and if I’m able to see things again. Will I see eternal darkness, will I be stuck in a happy dream? Or will I be reincarnated as someone or something else?
I used to think that being scared of death right […]
I am a 31yo male, clinically diagnosed (smoke and mirrors) as having major depressioen when I was five. I’ve seen therapists and counselors for years and currently i’m seeing one for an hour each week. It does nothing. When I was younger, all I wanted was to grow up. I thought that if I were an adult, kids wouldn’t make fun of me.. i’d have a respectable job. A wife.
Nothing can be further from the truth. I’m a 31yo loser who is forced to live in his parents basement after having been dumped by his girlfriend of 8 years for a woman. I have no […]
Hey guys,
Ive only been suicidal for about 2 months now although ive had obsessive thoughts, depression, and anxiety most of my life (im 27 f). It all started for me when i suddenly started having significant perceptual difficulties as well as cognitive (memory) problems along with severe debilitating anxiety and depression. After researching it myself and talking to dr.s I then convinced myself that i must be developing a mental illness or something similar to schizophrenia. The fear has taken over my life and the idea of having a psychotic mental illness is something that i couldnt live with so although i havent full blown developed it yet i feel […]
I don’t want to see anyone go through the hell i had to. I want to help.
I am an 18 year old boy graduated from high school not too long ago. My first suicide attempt was after the first semester of Sophomore year. Drank half a bottle of rat poison because i was too chicken to hang myself. I never felt so alone as i did then. I was a ghost, my friends would talk to me but they didn’t care about me. They tried, but they never got me. The people who i loved the most my friends my family, it felt like i was nothing to them. Wen’t walking around everywhere with a hole in my heart wanting something […]
I get a bunch of crap from a lot of people. I have been hurt all my life… I never got used to it. My dad calls me crap, tells me I’m not worth a place on Earth. My mom shoves God down my throat 24/7. My brother makes jokes about suicide a lot. I have to lie to my family, act like everything is fine. I told my grandma about my friends cutting to see what she thinks about cutting before I told her that I do it. She responded ” Oh My God, why would anyone cut, Â Its so disgusting.” I ended up […]
Most days, I wish I hadn’t been born. I didn’t ask to be alive. I’m asking to die. I could careless how it happens I just wish it would. I’ve been taking my medication and it’s not working. It makes me really want to pass life. I want to be somewhere better. School is starting to depress me even more and stress me out. Everyone is so happy. It kinda frustrates me that I can’t be happy. I’m afraid of what people think about me. I don’t even want to be in the classrooms. My history teacher thinks I skip just to skip. I don’t […]
My Junior year of high school, i used to perform self harm to myself. I had a lot of boyfriend trouble and my friends had completely stabbed me in the back and I just couldn’t take the humiliation anymore. Cutting became an overwhelming addiction and I couldn’t stop. Eventually my parents caught on to my behavior and one day my father came to me and asked if i wanted to wake up tomorrow and i said no. I was taken to the hospital so that i could immediately talk to psychiatrists about how i was feeling. I figured when i was done I would just […]
to cut, i did yesterday, not severley as i was some-what busy and didnt have time to slip away for an hour. but now i have the dark night, and the urge is back. i hate knowing i cut at the same time, glad i have my own free counselors: my needles and pocket knives. they r always there for me.
im dyslexic so some of my writing may read oddly. i am planning on taking my life.  i am female mid twenties and have been through the exhausting trial and error of meds ,GPs and counselors. my real issue is social exclusion and bullying. i m an easy target since i m painfully shy , unattractive , and i  am almost incapable of smiling, and being able to talk with flow and interest. i was a mute child and i find social situations very difficult. the only work i can get is retail , this is traumatic for me as talking to some difficult people can lead me with shakes, sweats , and  exstream anxiety. i am probably branded […]
I’m 16 and currently go to high school. My mother tends to nag on me and yell at me a lot since I enjoy spending my free time playing games. She does not enjoy the way I spend my time and calls me the word “addicted” when I do play. She has a boyfriend that I don’t like…because he moves my possessions without notifying me. And when I questioned him about it today he clearly told me he will respect it only for my mothers sake…I mean why can’t he just apologize to me and say he’s sorry? Now for the issue at school…. I […]
One year and 40 days ago I started a diet.
That diet quickly took over my entire life, exposing mental disorders that had been hidden before.
One eating disorder showed so much more… generalized anxiety disorder, a mild form of ptsd, cyclothymic disorder (mild form of bipolar).
My family had been perfect, but when it fell apart i didn’t know how to express the pain. I pushed it down for over 4 years.
All of that pain suddenly came out in the form of starving, throwing up, and cutting.
Slowly, I lost myself.
I had to pretend I was okay, I had to be perfect.
I lied to everyone.
I fought help at […]
After surviving I realized how much I really do want to die. I seriously hate 99.9% of the world. If I don’t let my anger out soon,I’ll burst. I just have to make it to August. Counselors and medicine is bull. I just can’t wait to be dead,I feel as if I have lived my life. When people say “you’re to young to die” I stop and think,what that really means. 13 is old to me. I’m not throwing a pity party. Tell me why I’m so depressed.
For the past 2 years, I’m 14 by the way, I’ve been dealing with depression. Major depression. I remember even when I was 12, when everything started- there would be voices in my head that called me so many things that it would be impossible to get them out. Even with counseling, no matter what I poured out it was never enough. There was this big empty gap in my soul and every second, every minute, and every hour of my life it would just keep getting bigger. Last year, I found myself completely gone. I went hysteric and I tried to commit suicide. The […]
I’m a writer, not officialy since i’m only sixteen, but i consider my self that way. I’m a writer and that is the only only reason that can explain how i confused all my doctors and counselors.
Writing is the only thing that make feel alive for a while, and it does it because i’m creating a whole new storie, sometimes stories of what i wish it was or the truth with some make up and fantasies. I can tell stories since i have memory, i’m a bad lier with little things but my complete life is my best and bigger lie, so much that sometimes […]
I really can’t take it anymore. I have scars everywhere. I can’t bend my arm or my wrist will split open. My girlfriend is gone, my therapist is on her side, my friends are on her side… I know that if the opportunity came for a quick death, I’d take it. I’m scared. If I found a gun or a lot of drugs or anything like that, I know that’d be it for me. My friends said everything is coming together, but it’s really falling apart. I can’t go back to the hospital, but if any of my counselors knows I’m suicidal again I’ll have […]
A lot of people I know say that they are there for me. Â That they will listen to what I say and not make their own assumptions. Â But they are never there, and they never listen. Â They make their assumptions, and state their opinions as if they are the facts of the world. Â The counselors ask me questions that I mainly can’t answer, because it would give some secret away. Â And when I do answer, they say I’m lying, give their own answer, and decide that they are right. Â Even thought they don’t know the things they say about me. Â They are supposed to be […]
Why do people keep trying to help me, Dr’s, counselors, family…. I just want to go from this world already, 32 years is enough for me. Half of which have been filled with drug addictions and abuse, failed relationships and many attempts at ending it all. I have tried leading a “normal” life and it bores me, just over it!
It’s only been 5 days since I’ve last cut, but I don’t want to cut anymore.
It’s going to be tough.
But I’m not doing it for me, but for all my friends, family and counselors/ therapists that I’ve met over the years.
I don’t want to hurt them again.
But I think about it constantly.
My skin cries out to be cut.
But I can’t do it.
I want to find different ways to cope.
I want to think positively and think about all of the things that I love.
I love rollerblading, shooting hoops on sunny days, The Mighty Ducks, this crazy […]