Ello. Domino speaking. Back from the hospital. And being closely monitored by a drunk dad. Hahaha. I failed once more. What is this, the 5th time? Fun.. Anyways, while I was in the hospital, I was given the ‘privilege’ of having looseleaf paper and a pencil to draw. But of course, I didn’t draw, I write. So I just slept until a dream stayed in my head, and it turned out to be one of my old memories. I feel bad for leaving you all like I did earlier, so I’m gunna type it right here for you all to know a little bit more […]
Tag:
Crap
Day was especially crap. But that is no surprise. Don’t really feel like talking about it.
I have a question though,
Should I get a cat?
Let me explain a bit, I’ve always LOVED cats, I’ve done volunteer work at a cat shelter, I absolutely love them. They are like my soulmates (if that makes any sense). I had one, which would scratch me all the time, and once cut my eye lid and it was really bad (had to go to the hospital and all), and my mom started getting really worried and didn’t trust the cat, so we had to give him back. Then I got […]
I have grown closer to my mom but she broke that bond yesterday when you yelled at me about my grades. I have a step-dad and I hate him, I know it is a strong word but he has made this family worse than it already is. My brother always puts me down and he always gets the highest preaise cause he is smarter and he get good grades, he is in 4th grade. This family means nothing to me anymore and the only person I really love is my grandma cause she loves me and she cares about me and she doesnt bring me […]
I do not want this. I want to be somewhere else. I understood I can’t deal with love. I can’t love, I can’t love the way you do. The way I love is: I live him/her, that means I should leave him/her alone so that person can be happy. When I feel the “I want to be with you” love it’s pretty weird, because all I want is just run away, I feel like I want to throw up.
My doubts have been confirmed; my dad is an alcoholic. He’s as depressed as I am, and he wants this back to normal. I miss being a […]
found out the greatest news today from my friend. My bf, whom i havent seen since monday, isn’t coming back to school. Fucking Awesome. we’ve been together a little over 2 months and i was looking forward to a lot longer than that. She said it like it was nothing, and i was internally getting pissed off, which led to numbness and everyone thought i was pissed, becuase thats what my facial expression was. He got some kind of job and i don’t know how to deal with this. Things were finally getting better and I felt the world wasn’t constantly conspiring agaisnt me now, […]
I have problems with myself. I believe everything in the world is beautiful ba me and some humans. I hate myself, because i have no friends etc. the usual nosh. Anyway, what really makes me angry and upset is my dad. I dont get along with my Dad, he is impossible. Im on summer holidays right now, and we have a grape farm. All holidays, seeing as i have no friends to go out with, i am in charge of keeping our very large house clean as well as things like laundry cooking etc.. and i also work on the farm (i’ve done 75+ hours […]
I’m tired. Really really tired. I just realized something today. I’ve been struggling my whole life for what? Nothing I do can change the outcome of my life. All I can do is choose whether I want to make things more difficult for myself or not.
I haven’t seen my therapist in almost a month. I know I should contact her and I feel bad for not showing up. But, talking with her is painful. It reminds me of what things should be like and how I want things to be. But, that’s never going to happen for me.
I could go to school. I could suck […]
I’m soooo fucking stupid.. Why did i do it? So i was talking to this guy& i thought he really liked me. He started to ignore me for 4 days. & so i was like wtfe imma go get high, So i had an older guy friend pick us up & take us tol go get some weed.. he told us all he didn’t have a girlfriend.. & i made out with him, he forced his hands down my pants & i tried to pull it out & we made out & crap.. but i was high so i was like okay? & today.. this […]
Ever since I was little, my parents have always been different. Harder,stricter, meaner. To all outward appearances, they seem like some fairly-wealthy, friendly vignorons (grape growers). Well if they’re friendly, then they probably just dont like me. Preposterous you say? Your parents LOVE you you say?
No, they dont. Not mine at least. For years ive always been that useless, dumb child that they cant stand the look of. No matter how friendly i am, how well i achieve or how much i help them, i get more crap. Im not dumb and im not useless. But they think I am. Any thirst for knowledge […]
Sometimes you’ll see one go huffing by with crap running down their legs.  That’s dedication and grit, both of which I haven’t got.  I brought a kitchen knife out deep into the woods one lonesome hike when I was 13.  Now I’m 41 and there’s still turds falling outta my jock strap.  They can “maybe” into one hand and piss into their other. What a stupid waste of  time.
I don’t exactly know how I came across this website. Maybe it’s because I’m considering suicide. Maybe because I’m tired of living. I’m tired of everything that is happening around me. I’m tired of disappointing the people close to me. I’m tired of hurting people. I’m tired of getting hurt. I’m tired of crying. And most importantly, I’m tired of myself.
I may be young to be considering committing suicide but that’s all I’ve been thinking about for the past few days. I’m tired of hurting the people I love. I’d rather be hurt than them. I want all the pain to come to me, all […]
I know that for a lot the new year doesn’t seem like it is going to be full of great things or maybe so far the year hasn’t been good. Just keep positive because I have been there and I know what it feels like to be completely alone and wanting everything to slow down and stop. Sometimes no matter what people said to me like ” don’t worry, this will pass” or ” ignore what others say” or the best..” this is just temporary” ended up pissing me off more because when it is you personally going through a rough time no one knows […]
So I decided to end my life once again. And once again I failed. I had the noose around my neck, I was getting tunnel vision as everything faded, bliss filling me, and I stood back up. I’m far too heavy to actually hang myself on like the ceiling fan whilst standing on a chair and kicking it away, so I go for partial suspension which is all it really takes. I tie my bathrobe into a noose and tie it in my closet, slip my head through, tighten it and kneel. I don’t know why I do it, but each time I get back up right […]
I’ve come to a conclusion: I’m insane. I used to think that I was just unique, then again, my young, naive eyes sought for any and everything that would make things better.
Looking at some of the crap other people have gone through and comparing their situations to mine, I feel like an ass. I really should be grateful for my life, but instead, I’m here, desperately seeking someone, even someone who is quite possibly as unstable as I am, to give me a reason. Just one.
I guess I should just get to my privileged-child sob story. Where should I start? Ah, yes, […]
I need too really clear my  head of the thoughts of suicide that are running threw my head. I had a plan too go when I got home and the only reason I am staying here is because I am still in love with my ex boyfriend and he said he was coming too visit me and even though he hasn’t told me when I am still going too hold on until that happens I am sick of being in this unhappy relationship with the guy I am with now. with him I do not feel happy I feel very invisible and he does not […]
Do you live in circles too? Maybe squares or smth?
I live in little, tiny suicide circles. Soon enough everything comes back to it. And I’ve even found a decent way to do it, with pills that simply make your heart stop, if overdosed. It seems so unbelievably simple. I understand that it wouldn’t be painless  etc, but the fact of death – the possibility of dying to my damaged brain seems like a miracle, something magical.
There’s nothing for me here. I’m really ugly and not the only one who thinks that way, so it’s not my imagination. And, as you know, beauty in this world […]
I personally have allways been in “the middle”. as the second of three child in my family makes me the middle child. i’m not thin, but i’m not fat. i’m middle. every thing i do i end up in the middle. always. it is living hell. for example, this xmas, while my brother and sister got their own iphone’s which the had wish for, i got nothing i had wish for. i got a pc. im not saying that they don’t give stuff. and that their beeing total crap. it is the fact that they dont listen to me. never. even when we’re planning dinner […]
hello i posted here before once and got some good advice…but im feeling like ending my life more then ever. Everything ive worked on to become more optimistic and happy just seemed like a waste of time its gotten to the point where  ”smiling”  has become a chore. Ive tried to work on my family relationships to be happier and to be more social for them but they constantly remind me how pathetic i am i mean my gran would open the door to people and openly say ”this is my pathetic excuse of a grandson i couldnt be more ashamed to be his grandmother” and  my mother constantly reminding me how […]
Once again, i find myself feeling depressed. I thought I might list down my probles here:
Everyone I ever meet instanly calls me gay, sometimes even before I’ve said a word to them.
My parents often make out like im the worst child they could ever have, which I dont think I am.
I have no friends at my new school, and my good friends from my old school are replacing me.
So there you have it. Like I said in my first post, i really feel like im just Gods trash. I feel like an accident, a mistake. There is absolutely nothing good about […]
I am kind of enjoying a rare peaceful moment…the hour is almost midnight, I am in my bedroom and the window is cracked to let in the cold brittle air of this winters night in yet I hear only the softest of rain patter. It is calming, and the waft of water is cleansing as I breath it in.
Earlier today I was stressed with resume writing for a job I don’t even want to apply for. Then I found a different post and thought, yes, I could do this, and it was easier to write to the qualifications this posting wanted! […]