I’m so done with life. No one really cares, they just tell me to stop being stupid. My friends found out I was cutting and pretty much shrugged it off. Every year that goes by and I just see a bleak future where I know I’ll never get anything I desire because at ever turn so far I’ve been denied it. I work in a chemistry lab and can easily get cyanide solution of 1mg/ml. I figure 3 ml of this will kill me cold. Think this would work?
I’ve read quite a few stories on here and found it helpful to put my own issues into perspective. It hurts to read how many people are suffering. I wish there was something I could do to help…but I can barely help myself. Every setback or failure makes me feel like I’m ready to let go…and every success or good thing makes me feel undeserving and on the verge of failure. It’s so difficult to see that things do get better. Especially when you’ve been alone for such a very long time and you know you’re not typical or normal or not sure you’re worth […]
well now both my parents know i started cutting again. and i hate it… i dont want to talk to them about it.. i cant its too hard. but my mom doesnt understand this… i think my dad helped her to a little tho. becuz last nbight she said she didnt think it was nessesary to go to therapy becuz i can talk to her. she then said she’ll talk to my dad about it, and when i woke up this morning she said that i have to go speak to the school counselor today and if they think i need therapy then i’ll go.
but […]
This is my story..
In the past few years I started getting a really bad temper. I would hit my mom, throw things, break things, scream and yell. Well this past August it got really bad..the cops came to my house. I was taken to the hospital, I was put into a partial program..I was supposed to stay for two weeks, but I only stayed for a week cause my mom didn’t want me to miss my first week of school. That was a mistake, it didn’t help. I went to my first week of school, then I stopped going..I wouldn’t go. I’d spend days […]
I sit here hating myself for being myself. I try everyday to live to be happy, but nothing ever works. The realization of the fact that the one person you love so much will never love you back torments me and leaves me unable to move. I pray for the torment to end.
He says I don’t try enough and he gets mad at me. But I know not what to do. I do what anyone deeply in love does when they are hurt by the one they love…I cry. I cry a river that turns into an ocean. My bloody tears mean nothing anymore because […]
ATTENTION! that it! Its attention! Its attention that I want. So everyone says . But no! I dont do it for that! Or do I. Attetion is something i dont get offten. I never get attention. My cutting burning and beating myself up has NOTHING to do with attention. Or does it. I mean I dont think I do. No one knows that I do anything. Do they? People do know That I have tryed killing myself. But that isnt myfault. Is it? . I love my life sometimes. But when I go to the partial hospital , do I go for attention? I dont […]
I keep starting and deleting everything I write. I try and articulate how I’m feeling and what I feel I need to do but I just can’t. It’s not so much that I’m insecure, mostly just that everything I try to explain doesn’t come out right. Writing has never really been my strong point. I really need someone to talk to but there really isn’t anyone here (not the site but where I live). I tried to open up to my mom but she’s was so oblivious to what I was trying to tell her. And I can’t really blame her because she is going […]
i cut. not too much. i wasnt gonna do as much as i did. but its not too much i dont think. it doesnt seem so bad to me really. well ill just post a few pctures of it. so yeah thats it. i find them to be beautiful. please dont judge me.
i just have to. i cant not do it any longer. im going to cut. once again. the last time i cut was in early october. that was a really long time ago. at least it seems to me like it has been forever. every night i think about it. and i am CRAVING to do it. last night before i was going to sleep i was going to do it. but it was too close to the time my brother and mom wake up and i cant risk getting caught. my mom already wants me to do some psychiatric thing. i dont want to […]
i know that its almost feburary, but my past still really bothers me. i feel like noone can ever begin to understand, but its worth a shot. when i began high school i was confident and had many friends. no rumors were spread about me, everyone thought i was sweet and innocient and life was great. i always had a crush on a boy who was 2 years older then me but i was “together” with his friend. anyways, in 10th grade he bagan texting me. i was a tease and said some flirty things. when we finally hungout at my friends house i was […]
My background:
I had started wondering about death and would habitually wish for death and say ‘never mind’ 3 times afterward. This started when I was around 10, until one day I stopped saying ‘never mind’ and decided to see what would happen.
My life has been met with intense anger, anger that caused me to once whip my mother with a PC controller wire after I smashed it off the banister when I was around 16.
I started cutting myself on Valentine’s Day 2007, senior year. I started under the notion that everyone would leave me once we graduated. They all did except one. My last friend […]
Listening to the music that I did when I cut, is like revisiting a dream you haven’t dreamnt. It seems so familiar, yet you aren’t sure it even happened becuz, well for whatever reason.
Clothes is the same thing.
And remembering cutting, is just so weird.
Its like someone was filming me but through my eyes, and I watch that movie. Not remember the memorie.
Anything cutting or depression related is like that.
((sorry that this is song long… p.s i hav the tendency to write “have” as “hav” and “back” as “bac” and “you” as “yu”))
I’m new to this site. The fact that I found it by accident or fate I hav no clue yet. I might as well start writing because it seems that it does help at least from what friends hav told me to do. I’m taking their advice to figure things out and try to help myself through things that I do go through and think negatively about.
Where to begin… well I hav tried to commit suicide before by cutting and taking […]
Words of wisdom.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Na9-jV_OJI
i’m staring at this blank page waiting to type something but ii have no idea what but i have so much to tell about..so i guess i’ll just start telling.
I’m a girl 15 and last year i tried to commit suicide by cutting my wrists,I survived . I have scars on my wrists and thigh,i used to had more but they fade away, I did a lot of self-harm cuz that was the only way i could feel some relief.My mother heard me cry almost every night,she saw my scratches  on my arm but didn’t do anything about it.I’ve tried many times to tell them […]
Right now in my life things are not the best. I thought i got over the bullshit and hurtfull things in my life but spending a few days with your family brings it all back [I went on vacation with them for 10 days] and still they haven’t changed i mean yes we all live in the same house but i don’t see them at all because i hate being around them my dad and i never see i to eye and he is always telling me that am a […]
Im barely holding on. All I feel like doing is cutting and crying one day. And then the next I’m invincible. I cut when I’m happy.when I’m mad.but I don’t cry or cut when I’m sad. I feel like there’s something wrong w me that I haven’t gotten to the bottom of yet. Does anyone have the same issues as me?
I don’t know what it is I apologize for.
“I’m sorry, Peter.”
I apologize for everything; every action I take, every move my friends make, every problem that comes up.
“I’m sorry, Cordell.”
Someone loses something, “I’m sorry.” Someone questions my meaning, “I’m sorry, I’ll stop talking.” Someone finds what I said not as serious as I intended it, “I’m sorry, I’m just being stupid.”
“I’m sorry, Joey.”
What is it I’m trying to apologize for?
“I’m sorry for being such a burden.”
“I’m sorry for being so difficult.”
“I’m sorry I’m not the friend I should be.”
It’s worse when I apologize to my mom, unprovoked.
“Sorry? What for?”
I suppose I’m sorry for […]
It is sad that now I don’t feel like I’m a “human” anymore, or want to be associated with a being called “human”. I mostly hate humanity nowadays, and have become a Misanthrope, and disillusioned as well with this so-called “real world”. it sucks, and Humanity, though I used to believe it has so much hidden potentials, yet now I unfortunately can’t help but feeling Humanity is largely hopeless: we’re destroying our own Planet, animals, and even killing our fellow species over some stupid, close-minded, most ignorant & selfish, senseless reasons..
Can anybody here relate?…what to do then?…
Here’s a complete and detailed ‘rant’ of mine, if […]