So I have been kinda down lately. I started writing in a journal again to help me with my english project and memories began spilling out. I’m 16 years old, and I have been a cutter since i was 12. It has never been much, nothing too serious, but it scars. I would always get in trouble with my parents, they would yell and scream about everything. Lots of times they would scream at each other and lots of times at me. It was cause I failed my test, or screwed up again or wasn’t good enough or was annoying. I’m never good enough. I’m […]
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Dad
Dear word,
I know you don’t know me. And the words that I’m about to say may mean nothing to you and you just may not care. I am a female that goes by EmoCookie its an old nickname and I am 18 years old. I have depression. I see people to get help, but that doesn’t seem to be working but I will give it more time. I am an on and off cutter. I cry. I try to smile when I can. I’m failing school and I dont know what to do about that. I’m lost be on repair. My dad is […]
Don’t ask why I’m posting this, I’m bot persuading you not to do it. I’m showing you the only reason I’m alive.
Ok…here we go…:
You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready To give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you’ve written and re-written over ad over again…you take out those razor blades,and cut for the last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time.
[…]
My head is a mess. I’m only 19. I’m a girl but I want to be a boy, no one knows that. My mom only stays with us one month per year ’cause she has to work in another country, my dad has mental problems, I live with him, yay. I only have one friend but we don’t share everything.
I was supposed to live. I was supposed to give something to this world. But no, I’m here, preparing my suicide. No note left, just my Tumblr account can clarify some things about the real me. I have no talent, no social skills, no motivations, just […]
So, the story is: my family and I had as friends another family (my friend, her mom, her dad and her brother) since I was a little baby.
They were like family to me, my friend was like my sister, her brother was like my brother and her parents were like my second parents. They had always treated me VERY well, as part of the family, and so did we, we are all very united.
Problem is: my friend’s dad, in a point in my childhood, had sexually abused me. He didn’t rape me at all, just touched me and had ALOT of physical contact. I never […]
My Papa (Grandfather) has gone to sleep in his room.
My Daddy has the flu, he is laying down in bed.
My mother is working on coupons on the computer across the room.
My second youngest brother is on the couch near me reading a book he got for christmas.
My littlest brother is making mashed potatoes for dinner.
My dog is chewing on a rawhide.
My cat is with my dad.
And I am screaming. Silently shrieking.
My loving family goes on like this. How they cannot see the blade so blatently slashing at my gut I cannot imagine. That they don’t see my insides being […]
I just can’t do anything right. My life is just one big downward spiral right now.
I made myself sick today just because I didn’t want to go to school and face my debate squad because I don’t have the work I’m supposed to have done done. Debate has just added a level of stress in my life I don’t need and I can’t quit because I made a commitment to it. It’s ruining me though.
It doesn’t help that I can’t talk to my girlfriend about this. She lives in a different state so I can’t ask her to come over and talk, and […]
Ok I’m going to just get straight into this because I’ve had all of this bottled in and I can’t find the will to tell anyone face to face which I need to learn to do. Anyway my dad has recently passed away because of cancer, it was horrible and terribly sad that in his last few months I got to see the good side of him then I had to just see him crumble away being in pain. I’ve had to say goodbye and go to his funeral. A mistake I made was when I was hurting I kept all the hurt inside I […]
So I was thinking a lot about my life…and how it turned out so far. Everyone that I know thinks I live such a good life, or atleast should. I have such a nice house, live in literally the nicest neighboorhood, have two parents, perfect grades, colleges asking ME to apply to THEM, own my own car, work at an IT job that pays a lot, have perfect skin….
And yet that brings me no joy, I’m missing the happiness from it all. I don’t want that. What am I leaving out from what I already said? Oh yeah…how I was raised in the hood, or […]
so today is the big day, my 16th birthday. it was great at school. i heard happy birthday from all of my friends, got all of the attention blah blah blah. that’s nice and all but what i would die for right now would be for my mom to tell me. it’s almost 4 oclock and i have yet to hear those 2 words come out of her mouth. this may sound selfish of me to some people. but i am just someone who lives and breathes for my mom to accept me, and to be interested in me. but oh well. i’m looking into […]
I just come across this site and thought I want to contribute.
i have recently got back from hospital after my third attempt to overdose. As a child my parents were violent and drug abusesers, I was in care for a while made homeless twice by my mother. Beaten, emotionally abused. I lived with an auntie for a big chunk of time who also abandoned me at 13. My dad left the house when I was 16 leaving me to look after my 14 year old brother. My mum come out of prison and set the house on fire. As I have grown up I have […]
I am so hurt and lost. For the past few months my life has been crashing down around me. My mom is in jail for 5 years. Living with a dad I never met before because my grandparents didn’t want me. In ten days I have to go to a bootcamp for a crime I didn’t commit. After 16 months my girlfriend left my for my cousin. I lost my job. I don’t know what to do. I hate this world. I’m lost and alone in a big city. I need help. I get drunk almost everynight. I’ve been to rehab fir it already. I […]
I know I’m new here. I’ve had these thoughts in my head for years, but no one understands me. My meds are off. I’m trying new ones, but they aren’t working fast enough.  Every med I’ve tried either doesn’t work or has side effects that are worse than the damn depression. Therapists have never worked. I’ve never found one that I liked or trusted. I’m afraid that the first one I talked to honestly would dump me in a looney bin or have me forcibly committed. So I can’t open up to them. Basically, everything in my relationship is my fault. Everything. When I try […]
I need someone to talk to about everything and not be judge but i can’t talk to my mom because she would get so worried about me and my dad isn’t in there. He left with my stepmom to England and only visits on my birthday and sends money every month. So he really doesn’t know me that well 🙁  I can’t take to my siblings because they would tell mom and then again she would get worried. I can’t talk to my friends ‘cus I have no true friends 🙁
So really there is no one for me to talk to and trust them to not make […]
I’m 16 years old. I’ve been suffering from manic depression. I get bullied at school for being quiet. I get called ugly, a *****, whore and so much more. What did I do??? Nothing. I don’t have the guts to talk to someones face about how much I hate myself. Honestly, I’m pretty much that girl that no one knows until she commits suicide. Then, suddenly everyone had a class with me..it sucks. My dad is abusive and my mom and I are scared to death. Never knowing what he will do to us next. He emotionally abuses me and physically. I don’t have many […]
Is it bad.. that i still fight for control.. after getting stiches twice from cutting “to deep” the first time i hit my tenton, about a year ago.. i couldnt even move my left hand .. i didnt say anything for 3 weeks.. and the cut was still open.. i was in an intesive outpaitent center and finally they convinced me to tell my dad shall the doctor and they kinda i guess glued/burned it shut.. worse exspirence ever. Not stiches but you get the point..
The second time was about a month ago.. with the box of razors my x gave me i sliced at […]
ok so my best friend is 13 and beautiful shes smaler bulit, blonde hair blue eyes and an amazing smile. she was happy most of the time and always was talking about twiight she was all about the cullens and she went to a normal middle school and had friends who cared and loved her, but she didnt see that, she saw her self so much differnt, i know this site is for kids who are thinking wrong and in a bad place, but if u keep that life up you wll be in the same stop that kaitie is in.. gone, dont get me […]
i dont know what i want. no one cares at all. im not even all that pretty, which proves im not loved just used. how many times am i ganna try suicide til i succeed? probably countless cuz i obviously suck at trying. my family hates me..thats not even a question..they really do. i want someone to listen to me. and when i say im upset to actually listen not ignore me cuz it upsets them. i want someone who will stay by my side no matter what happens. cuz i need them more then they know. my life was getting better now its spiraling […]
How does it feel? Your brother sees the cuts on your wrist. The scars on your thighs. He tells your sisters and parents. Now everyone knows. Months later… Your brother tells you to stop being so mad ” This is getting old. Nobody gives a shit. Deal with it. Emo” Then your sisters… ” Stop being so mean to people. They did nothing to you.” NOTHING? HUH. Thats why i have bruises from Dad. Thats why mom use to yell at me for trying to make new friends. HOW DOES IT FEEL? They are the reason i’m this way… Then there is people at school. […]
Ugh, God. The past few months have been hell, even with all of the nice comments people’ve put on my posts. I’m stressed out beyond belief, I haven’t slept in 3 days, literally. I haven’t eaten in… fuck, I can’t remember the last time I ate. My dad’s threatened to punch me in the face multiple times, he’s yelled and screamed at me, telling me I’m not good enough. My grades, as hard as I’ve tried, have plummeted. From A’s and B’s last year, to C’s, D’s, and a few F’s. My girlfriend is possibly going to prison, and I could go too. My best […]