I’m scared to get close and i hate being alone.
I long for that feeling to not feel at all.
The higher i get, the lower i’ll sink.
I can’t drown my demons, they know how to swim.
Really, what’s so great about this world anyways? All I see are a bunch of people who have too many worries to be bothered with some suicidal girl, and I don’t blame them, I wish I could be one of them but I’m not. I’m just a repulsive, hard to love, self harming, suicidal girl. I’m no one special or anyone that will be truly missed. Can someone come and stab me to death, please? It would be much appreciated.
She put the knife to her soul
She needs a sweet release
She needs somebody
She digs in deep, revealing all her secrets
She knows her time was wasted
She put the pills in her mouth
She let’s death sit on her tongue
She needs some love
She needs to breathe
She drives at a tree
She wants realization to come at her at once
She hates feeling worthless
She hates the dreadful feeling of guilt
She wants the light to overwhelm her body
She wants to be taken away
She is hit by it all
She is gone
She was wrong
She just needed […]
i suffer from:
depression
social anxiety
trichotillomania
anorexia
self harm
severe self loathing
daily (hourly) suicidal thoughts
and i’d say all of these have been keeping me from living my life the way i want to, they cause me to hurt others emotionally, and they’ve all been getting worse. i don’t know if i consider what i’m doing living, but rather merely staying alive; always wishing to drop dead any second.
I’m desperate. I don’t want to anymore. Please, God, I’m begging you, make sure I will die accidently. Let there be a strong wind, when I’m standing at the platform waiting for my train, so I’ll fall off the platform onto the rails and the train will drive over me and I’ll be dead. Or let my bus get a serious accident I won’t survive. Do something, God, I’m begging you. Kill me, it’s the only way to save me from myself. Please, God, make sure I’ll die…
~ What if there’s only one way out?
One way to feel better,
one way to love myself.
Why??!! Why??!! Why does everybody always say that I’m happy, and I’m funny and laughing and stuff?! Do they really don’t see that HUGE mask I wear most of the time??? It’s just so crazy. Today too, I was at the part-time therapy (monday till friday from 9am till 3pm) and the group and the therapists thought that I was happy and that everything was okay, and so on. And that while they know I wear often a mask and that it goes really bad with me right now. But how hard I tried, they wouldn’t believe me I’m feeling really bad and that all […]
For almost a year i’ve been suffering from OCD. I’m depressed, numb and sometimes just thinking about ending it.
The only thing that have kept me from ending it was this one girl in my class that i recently learnt to talk to… We talked about random subjects together and just had a good time. Whenever i was feeling down, she talked to me and made me happy. Every time I would talk to her, my bath’s (normally about 45 minutes) would decrease to about 30 minutes. She’s the only thing that keeps me going. She makes me want to fight, to become normal. Our relationship […]
The shooting today.. 20 kids dead… 6 adults it brought up so many memories, that may have even no relation.
First the shock that someone can hurt kids so innocent.. then i remember my past 2 people hurt me.. when i was so young.. to innocent to protect myself. At their entire control, my life was basically in there hands…
Then i thought of how these kids would suffer 5-10 years from now. Like i do today, the symptoms of my PTSD have cause severe depression, anxiety, insomnia, psudo siezures, multiple persanality disorder, and bipolar. I agree some of these may not have been a direct result, […]
The truth I hold, took years to unfold, locked up and never told. Now I speak, for I am done being weak. A story I will tell, awakening the pits of my hell.
 Pinned against the wall, being six a little small. Tongue against my chest, you can imagine the rest. Touching, feeling, my eyes rolling to the ceiling. I push away, forced down, screaming, but i was never found.
 Day and night, always full of fright kissing, sucking, nonstop fucking. Crying, weeping and always pleading.
Was I that bad […]
Just a shitty day… or a couple.
A day like today where I wake up feeling okay, and then I start thinking about all the things I’ve ever done wrong. And then I start thinking about how I’m a shitty person. And then, on top of that, I feel like I have zero things to offer. I try so fucking hard to be good at things, at art, at programming… I’m in college, getting decent grades and busting my ass… But I hate everything I’ve ever done. I’ve never accomplished anything and I feel worthless. I’m a huge sagging disappointment to myself. I feel ugly; I […]
 Hi My Name Is Ellen,I’m 17.I suffer from Severe Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, And Graves Disease (Hyperthyroidism),And i anxiety issues. I’m not going to go into the gory details of what happened to me, what caused my depression (which to be honest, was a million different things). I left school at the start of grade 10 because i was being bullied…really badly, and that just added to my other problems, a few months after i left school i was sent to a Psychiatrist,she diagnosed me. […]
“And I congratulated the dead who had already died rather than the living who were still alive. So better than both of them is the one who has not yet come to be, who has not seen the calamitous work that is being done under the sun.” – Ecclesiastes 4:2,3
I’ve been thinking about suicide for a while. I want to do it because i have nothing to live for. My crushes hate me,I get talked about everyday,and when i think about cutting myself,I get scared and i just…..i dont even know. When im thinking about suicide,i think about how happy eveyone will be once im gone. Maybe it’s true,maybe it’s not. i just dont know what to do. i cant do it anymore. i dont deserve to be here. When i get sad,I think about how my life will be once I go to highschool. It’s crazy because I want to be in an […]
I’m almost ready. ready for the pain to end, even if it takes more pain. I wrote a suicide letter a goodbye.I have problems if I killed myself i would be doing the world a favor one less messed up person for people to look at and wonder what I’m like. Who I am. Everyone judges people. And in this world that’s all I am to most people. I was  abused. It changes a person getting slapped for not eating. Getting kicked for crying. Getting my head slammed into a  wall because I couldn’t stop crying. It was like that every day . I have problems. They are clear to […]
I have happy moments. Immensely happy moments. However, at the back of my mind there’s always that darkness there. It’s like I’ll be doing something great and fun and I’ll be feeling great, then I suddenly think to myself about whether I’m still desperate to disappear. The answer’s always ‘Yes’. That scares me. When I’m having a darker day, things feel worse, but it bothers me that even on my better days, I’d still rather be elsewhere.
I want to go back to when I never questioned my existence.
I want to laugh today without considering the tears of tomorrow.
I want to have good days unquestionably.
I want […]
… I just got a call.. From my best friends brother… She died at 10:48. They couldn’t save her. They said she lost too much blood… That there was no hope to save her… Amanda…my best friend…you promised me..that we were both stuck here with each other… and you left.. Without calling me, without telling me.. without taking me with you… You alone got me through my hospitalization. You gave me hope. You were the only one that could make me laugh anymore… Whose gonna make me laugh now? Whose gonna tell me it’s ok? Whose gonna remember the times we had at the unit? […]
Hey all. Up until 5 days ago, I cut myself every night. I decided I need to stop. It was not helping anymore, and it was becomming a huge problem. or should I say it is a big problem. yeah.. yeah it is. Today I couldnt help myself. I cant cope with reality. I feel like we have no purpose. We are born, we die. There is nothing to live for. Im lost in the universe. Im just afraid of what is and what there could be. And all the shit going on in my life. Moving, parents divorce, alcoholic dad, annoying sisters. no one […]
Im dying. Dying from lonliness. Dying from the pain that everyone has brought to me. Dying from knowing that N0B0DY wants me. Dying because I know that I will probably have zero friends my whole life. Dying from everything ive been through. Dying on the inside. Wont anybody save me?
-End
Im tired of all of these no offense, but really, jesus-freaks attacking me with i was ‘Put here for a reason, God loves you, Jesus made you….etc.’ I honestly do not care.
Yeah, i have family. yeah i have friends.
But whats eating me inside hurts me more than anything else could.
Its like heartbreak, jealousy, apathy, pain, impatience…everything that hurts put together into one.
I want to die, and i dont care who i hurt, because my grief inside is so much worse.
‘Its just a phase, every teen goes through it’ they say.
Well if i ever get the courage, ill prove you wrong.
Im a greedy, […]
My name is mark, this is my story, i had to goto work early on a saturday monring, and my fiance of five years had the weekend off and wanted to drink. Since she wanted to drink i asked her to not invite alot of people, and dont spend much on beer, so she agreed. When i woke up in the moring our apartment was trashed, and she was passed out on the couch, so i just went to work. When i had returned from work i had questioned her about it and she got mad at me and got up and left, its like […]