Today was the day that I planned to kill myself, but unfortunately my affairs won’t be completely in order until November 25th. I can’t depart from this world until all of my affairs are in order because I don’t want to leave a mess behind for people to clean up. Earlier my ex professor emailed me, and called me asking if I was okay because he felt like I wasn’t. Initially, I denied that anything was wrong, and then I broke down and told him everything. All he did was push me further to suicide because he can’t comprehend the amount […]
Tag:
Demise
The code of blue and the iron code. The word Mankind.
Devoured by the fire and the monster.
The monster, that is you.
An organism dying spawn, I am, of your vein. You have no name.
You are less than a man, equal less than zero.
The world equals oblivion. In my heart of jewel evolution.
Hades, is our God of the World. Grey falling Hades.
Here in the belly, I’ve turned into a beast.
A beast of hell, a monstrous chain. I am here to conquer the world.
To destroy Lucifer behind my acidic breath.
Man. The world. A part of me that’s dying.
I feel the need to run away. what do i do among them? its my hatred for them that’s the cause of my decline, i clearly see it now. i play games when exams are near, i don’t do what every sane person would do at critical moments, i deliberately miss opportunities…why? to bring my image down in their eyes, to not become great in front of them..that’s how i take revenge from them! i don’t know if it makes sense. they praised me a lot when i topped my school and got admission in one of the best colleges. on the surface i liked […]
I was just commenting and this idea crossed my mind. Ill try not to get too detailed.
Your life is the only proof of your consciousness; your ideas of right and wrong, your creativity and compassion, your love and fears.
Collectively this is what makes up our humanity, it’s what really matters in the end to us. Not our hate for each other or our wars, or our neglect for our own.
Collectively our consciousness is what has kept our speciese going all this time, otherwise we would be food for other animals. But we cling to life because we know it’s the right thing to […]
I am so hollow inside. I always thought that I am doing something important, something that will make me perfect. but now i am realizing that that was all bullshit, hypocrisy, painting the circumference while inside was all empty. I don’t know when did i became such a hypocrite. maybe i always was. i always wanted to do something big, achieve something great. back then, when it all started, one of my fears was to have a difference between thought and action. and it seems that fear has now come true. and with what magnitude! I tried to be spiritual, i tried to be philosophical, […]
How many of us continue to struggle and suffer in a place we no longer want to be? How many of us have tried therapy, medication, family, friends, and religion only to realize that you still want to leave this world? Most of us know how we want to go and when we want to go, but have that one thing that keeps us from moving toward peace… our families. If we could just cover up the fact that we committed suicide and make it look natural or accidental, we’d probably take that final step toward death. If this is not your situation or concern […]
really angry and irritable for some reason. maybe it’s the heat. i am lonely yet i want to be alone. i am tired of talking. tired of being me. i have little patience for social niceties. i guess you would call that isolating myself. i am pretty good at that. i find myself lost in my head a lot these days. losing time. not paying attention to the here and now. seems like i am fading away. almost have myself convinced that my demise wouldn’t be a big deal. i wouldn’t be missed by too many people. there seems to be more times where i […]
I like fighting, as a sport and life I guess. I really want it all to end. But I can’t bring myself to end it, I really want something out of my control to give me a fight I can’t win for my demise. Apparently that’s tougher than it seems, I’ve been hit by 2 cars in 1 week and it left me with little more than some bruises. I’ve survived 7 attempts (apparently I’m bad at it) and numerous accidents growing up and I wake up almost astonished that I’m still on the planet. I seriously walk around miserable and I can’t do anything […]
I plan on drowning myself. Everything is planned except one of the most essential things: counterweights. I’m 103lbs and weak in strength. And there are no rocks near where I want to go.
I was so excited and anxious, now I’m just disappointed and irritated. I have to do this. I have to. As soon as possible. But the most essential thing…the thing that would guarantee my demise… I can’t think of anything. F***.
Until there’s a solution… I don’t even think I can hide. It hurts and there’s no where safe. But I have to think. Think. Think. This needs to happen fast and soon.
ive wanted to die for many years, but now that im coming towards my demise I cant help wonder why I keep procrastinating the inevitable. I have court on the 16th for a DUI which has already turned my unlivable life into a complete hell. It started by losing my brother to suicide 4 years ago (I was suicidal way before that, about 12 year). then IÂ managed to move on and live a somewhat decent life until I met “her”. the love of my life that I am still in love with 6 months after we split and she moved away. I never wanted kids […]
Hi! Now, let me start off by saying that I am not full of the same deep-seated depression as many of you are.
My family loves me, I was never molested, I haven’t even cut myself. But I still want to commit suicide.
Not now, not even tomorrow. But upon reaching a certain age, I have not decided upon the age yet – it may be 60 or 70 even. But I will do it.
I know what you’re thinking -Â Well, if he’s got a good life, why would he kill himself? That’s just plain selfish!
But the thing is, I’m Asexual. I won’t ever have a wife to […]
The blade is calling your name.
You leave in a flood of pain.
Your heart falls out of your chest.
and here you are….
facing death.
Your tears they fall with magnitude.
These people don’t know what they did to you.
They killed your inner life and stole,
the only thing that made you whole.
You try to fight this blackened life,
you try so hard just to survive
And it takes all you got
not to grab a knife,
write out a letter,
and say goodbye.
And as I watch through windows,
that most call eyes,
I watch the world crumble,
I watch the worlds demise.
And I’ll […]
We are gathered here today, brought together by sadness and a young girl’s demise
A conclusion reached because of the boy with the lies
Her told her things each day, no one should have to hear
So often in fact, she lived in constant fear
She no longer looked forward, always looking back
Building up her defenses for the boy’s next attack
Day in and day out she heard the boy with the lies
Make fun of everything- from her feet to her eyes
Even the way that she walked was absurd
She remembered every mean thing she heard
Even when she was alone, […]
“Have you ever cheated on anyone?”
“.. Yes. I won’t hide it.”
“Would you do it again?”
“Hell no, Domino!”
“Should you ever do it again?”
“Never again.”
“Could you tell me about it if it happens? I promise I won’t get mad. I just would like to know.”
“.. Yes, my dear.”
And with that, he signs off for the night and once again I’m left alone. Tomorrow will be the last day. Last day of suffering through my own demise from a ‘withdrawal’ of my precious need. I’ve been going on and on about how much I love him, how much I need him, how much I wish to have him […]
Let me say first that though my life has been very hard for a woman that has only lived in this world for 24 years, I have been blessed with two beautiful children. Even though I have these angels with me everyday I still find myself locked in my closet uncontrollable crying with something in my head telling me my family would be better off without me. What role do I play in this world that I deserve to live. Let me start from the beginning of my life…. I was born into a abusive family where I witnessed my father beat my mother and […]
When I was a kid I used to climb rocks and mountains, this one time I slipped and was hanging on the edge of a rock, the fall would have certainly resulted in my demise. I was scared, but then I looked down and for some reason I felt more alive there hanging so close to death. I felt so much life in me on that cliff.
10 years latter, I have finished my education, a bachelors degree and latter a masters degree in computer science and with good grades. I have a pretty decent job. I have pretty much accomplished what ever I was […]
Tomorrow is so close, yet it seems to take an eternity to arrive. Tomorrow is the day I’ve decided to kill myself. I feel at a general ease with that knowledge, and my brain tells me I should be horrified with the looming prospect of my demise. Screw that, I done being afraid, I’ve had near constant head and stomach aches all week, but now they’re gone. I’m not going to take my meds tomorrow because I didn’t today, no more point anymore. I suspect I will be more anxious and sick tomorrow night, but oh well. I’ll get home, masturbate one last time, then […]
My Perfect Poison
We cried and screamed together
But not a word was spoken.
Dancing in one ear and out the other,
Our conversation disappears from your mind.
But instead of floating away like nothing,
These words surround me,
Slicing and suffocating
Until all I know is the sound of my own despair.
It’s everywhere.
This memory of what we were
And could still be
Is haunting in its sadness
And its beauty.
First above the rest, but somehow always last.
And yet the heart in me
Clings to its own demise,
Those poisoned lips baiting me for another kiss.
And I accept,
Hurt and beaten by your love
And left too crippled to ever let you go.
My Night
I put the cold barrel in my mouth,
To quiet the screams that may come out.
My hands shake when the time nears,
As my eyes cry silent tears.
I can’t help, but think to say,
Will this really be my last day?
I wanted to test fate with a little game…
Russian roulette, now that is a shame.
I sought out a sign to tell me to stay,
To keep on trying until my golden days.
Three out of five loaded, and ready to go
Two left out, now time for the show.
I pulled the trigger, and let out a small yell.
I was sure, right then, I had been sent straight to hell.
As the minutes passed, I opened my eyes,
Life […]
I am a 40 year old married father of 2 piece of shit. I have been trying to kill myself since the age of 8 and never finished the job because I am afraid. I am diagnosed w/ bi-polar disorder/PTSD/ADHD. I am unemployed and draining the life out of my family. I have no purpose on this earth, no talent and no drive. I am on 6 medications and my wife has been stealing my anti-anxiety, ADHD and sleeping meds. When I confront her she just denies everything and says I’m crazy. I may be emotionally disabled, but I am not retarded, so […]
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