Once it’s happened and it’s not going to “get better.” Â You just walk through some how. So many of us have been destroyed, obliterated waited for grace, given everything to somehow survive. Â I think about suicide nearly all the time. Â I gave all I could, now it’s just playing out the string. Â Thank you everyone who has posted about their hell. Â I heard somebody once say in their despair (words that I’d expressed too), “I’m just a person.” Â More hell.
Tag:
Despair
Tear after the other, I failed to finish crying….
Keeping this mask on is draining my last bit of sanity..
Why is it when your sad you are always alone? Why is it that only I find pleasure in being there among those  who pretend to care?
Where is everyone now, when I am the one in need?
Been strong for so long, but loneliness has taken its toll on me, I dared to seek care… I dared to ask for tenderness.. I dared to imagine being loved.. But time after time, the nightmare kicked me in the guts, with phantoms of beings which never gave any of such …
Until..
I met […]
There’s no way to even really describe this. My god, all I wanted was to convey the terrifying EXPLOSIVE power of what happens within me, but I’ve no idea how.
I get angry. Or rather, perhaps I’m always angry, it just get buried nice and deep until I’m numb numb numb numb numb numb
And then everything starts combusting within me. And all I want is to SCREAAAAAAAAM. But I never do. I never do. It’s always just an internal internal scream of despair or anger or sadness or loneliness or DISGUST. Oh yes, a word I know well. Absolute, vile, putrid, festering, poisonous DISGUST. At people, […]
where does it all come from? It seems to be endless, a voracious beast with an unquenchable appetite. The emptiness surrounds me, sticks to my skin like some disgusting, sticky black membrane, constantly separating me from the world, never allowing any emotions in or out.
Sometimes I feel it as a stab of desperate loneliness, and I want nothing more than to scream–but I can’t find the energy. Other times it recedes to the background as a dull throbbing, and I’ll sit in one place for hours on end. Sometimes it verges on something vaguely resembling pain, though even then it’s as if I can’t even […]
Society is a fucking useless term. We are not human, what kind of human is set out to make other people feel more in hell? There is already an empty pit inside, already that void… feeling of despair and emptiness.. So why the hell would anyone go into someones life… and try to ruin any salvation they have for hope? My mind is already hell enough, please stop adding things for it to over-process. I don’t need this, this is one reason I’m in the darkest places of my mind… Why would you try to take away the one little ember left, the one that may […]
this life is abundant with hate, pain and despair. just fucking kill me please
why do the good people die young, and miserable wastes of human flesh like me live too long. just fucking kill me please
I’m in a place I have been sine I was 11, I am broken inside friends and family say get help I have but it didn’t really help its basically for people who can talk problems out and somehow be cured. I hurt I’m heartbroken I have been on a downward spiral for so long I no longer know what complete happiness is. I no longer have friends to turn to since a year ago I had overdosed. I feel so alone they say turn nto God but I do have God but that hasn’t helped me either I can’t find peace I feel myself […]
My friends often try to tell me not to kill myself because I won’t go to heaven. I ask them where is the proof? They either say “you shall not murder” or they say you can’t repent after you kill yourself. I say there are tons of people who die with sins, known and unknown, that they did not get to repent for when they died (ie drunk driving crashes, being murdered, dying in sleep, etc), so do they automatically go to hell too? No answer. There are several people who committed suicide in the Bible.
Saul’s Armbearer (1 Samuel 31:5)
Ahithophel (2 Samuel 17:23)
Zimri […]
i have been betrayed by my so called friends am mad at the world and lost all hope for trust and this is developed into despair and depression. Everyday is painful I am reminded of how much this hurts every time I wake up in the morning and I ask myself how come am not dead yet. when i contemplate suicide something happens and i end up postponing it. For example, I might get a random call or visit from a friend and I have to “act” like am ok but this kinda makes me post pone it till later when I am trying to […]
To all who’ve loved me.
i leave this is in wake of my soul, as it has left my body.
I give you my utmost apologies, that i know will never suffice for the loss or troubles i’ve given you, in my life and in my suicide. I would not leave a note if it weren’t for the urge i feel even now to assure you that it was by nothing you’ve done, that i’m leaving my life this way. To my family and friends find solace in the fact that were it not for you, i would not have even made it this long. You loved […]
Does anyone hate the term “man up” as much as I do? I mean no one can really measure how much physical or emotional pain another human being is in and so all they say as advice and support when you’re in pain is “man up” like the pain isn’t real, like we’re not trying to feel better. Why can’t people just say nothing instead of saying potentially harmful things like “man up”. Don’t you think I’d pull myself out of this darkness and despair that I’m feeling if I could? All I’m asking for is a little help and the advice that gets thrown […]
I think there must be many dreamers doing the same in these moments. Looking for a sense of a futile existence, many without a penny in his pocket still naively believe that will be realized.Of course it’s possible! We will not give up, do not you add to the list of losers who just resigned themselves to see through each day without surprise, without a smile, without a word.
No doubt life is not worth it without a reason to exist. Exist without a trace bitter, sweet, sad or happy as a fingerprint, there is not just what we do many: the losers once we […]
I chose this to be my username for a reason. I’m out of options. Everyone says I’m not allowed to kill myself or self injure or smoke or drink or do drugs but at the same time they say I don’t need therapy. They say I’m not allowed to die but I can’t stand living another day. I’m living my life for other people, cuz I sure as hell don’t want to be here. If I’m living just so someone can see my face one more time, why bother? I’m dead on the inside. I might as well make the outside match. I’m tiered […]
It’s been basically a year now. Since I was on this site. I’ve heard many stories of loss and divorce from so many people. Yet none of them seemed to hurt as much as I felt just a year ago. In a year everything can change in a heartbeat. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes maybe not. But in the end change is a matter of life and you can’t shy away from it. If right now you are feeling desperate or in despair. Just think of it as a tunnel. I know you’ve heard of it before. Or you’re saying to yourself but you don’t […]
My name is Jessica. I am 13 years old and I’m a very sad person. I’ve hurt loved ones, been hurt, and been abandon by the only people I’ve trusted.
When I was 6, my parents split up. It was a very hard time for my brother and I. He was only 8. I don’t really remember much, just one day I came home from school and my father told me that if he and my mom got into one more fight, he was leaving us. The following day, he kept his word. They worked out custody and all that, and I lived with my mom […]
The Suicide Project is a website devoted to allowing people to share their stories of desperation and depression… and ultimately of hope. We hope that by allowing people to share their stories of despair with one another, they can find a reason to live, a reason to survive another minute. Another hour. Another day.
Here we are again.
i thought i was number one,
But now i have a chance to be a black widow on your wall.
i listen in every now and,
then when your about to cry,
Your deppresion has blinded you,
from what you need the most.
i’m supposed to be your host,
but its seems i’ve dissapeared.
the important thing is to remember,
i am always here.
i listen in every now and then when you scream,
though it looks like i m still,
as if i was serene.
your noise shakes my webs,
that i have spun neatly just for you.
As expected, i knew I would be posting this. As i type-the constant perfectly worded bbm’s come in and the apologizes come gushing out. But they mean nothing, even when i try to smile and feel the emotion, I just can’t. Im more than just hollow, Im more than just the ice queen-im just ice now. I knew this would happen, didn’t I say that yesterday in another round??? The promises were forgotten by the time the top of the staircase was reached, they were probably forgotten as soon as they left the lips. Now Im sitting here again, another disappointing day. So sick of […]
or it certainly seems and feels like I will.
I have had mental health problems for years now and I have always actively tried to help myself. I have always sought help and have been medicated for a long time. I think it was hard because I was never ill enough for it to be noticed by anyone but ill enough for it to interfere with my life daily.
I just hate myself. Every time I close my eyes, my mind is screaming for me to end it. I just cant do it any more and I have no other choice. I have never visualised myself being […]
This is a first. I’m sitting in the dark, if it weren’t for the glow of my phone’s screen. Pathetic, is it not? The age we live in. Specifically 4:46am in the wilderness that is upstate New York. This place is devoid of all things meant to nourish – as a life long denizen it’s cruel atmosphere is taking it’s harsh toll on me. Too many thoughts, too many restless nights….the cold air has entered my mentality and is stifling all that may prosper. I lay here contemplating attempt #3. I have given up yet again. It’s been 6 years since […]