Well, the title explains it all. All is left is to fix a date to suicide. I can’t seem to find the courage because I have to leave my family behind. All I’m worried about is what if I survived? What if I’m there lying on the bed and looking at my parents looking at me with full of disappointment. I gotta make it successful. I can’t fail this time. This has to be done. I can’t wait to end the misery, but I just don’t know when. Now it does, because I’m gonna do it all alone, and nobody knows about it. I […]
Disappointment
I am so completely exhausted by constant suicidal thoughts and fantasies. Anytime I make a little mistake, or when someone’s response to what I’ve said feels off, there’s a voice berating me, telling me, “I hate you, you’re a stupid fucking whore, go kill yourself. Go kill yourself Rachel. Go kill yourself,” over and over and over. Every day. The theory being: “Everyone remembers every little stupid thing you do and they hate you for it. You should kill yourself and make them forget how stupid you are. Don’t tell anyone, don’t ask for help. They’ll never see it coming.” I don’t think I’ll actually […]
“My name is unimportant. I am neither male, nor female. My age has no relevance to my grief. Consider me a faceless representation of depression. An anonymous death seeker. A hopeless nobody.”
I’ve met someone. At this point in time I can’t decide whether it’s a blessing or a curse, a cure to my life-long battle with depression, or a catalyst. This someone is special. The way I feel when I’m with them is astonishing. I feel happy, and content with myself. I feel at ease. At peace. And when I am with them it feels like my troubles have slipped through my […]
I don’t really see what else there is for me to do. I feel like all I ever do internally and out is apologize for the kind of person I am and the choices I’ve made. I feel like I should apologize for not being successful the last three times I tried to commit suicide, both to myself and to everyone who’s had to deal with me since those points.
It’s been made pretty much abundantly clear that I am the thing standing between my mother and her relationship. Her **** of a boyfriend is so pre-occupied with how much of a disappointment I am that […]
Hi guys.. did that Mormon prick disappear yet? I couldn’t stomach how that sad little demon took over the forums, and I have a hard time not reacting to trolls, so kept clear. Thanks to Dawg and many others, the troll was battled and showed his true colors of virulent racism, hatred and homophobia. It was SAD because evil people like that are one of the things that has made me hate society, the world, and assured me I am right o withdraw and watch the whole of the country walk cheerfully into the shitter shouting God Bless USA!! God Bless US!.
Anyway – this is […]
I hate the fact that you make fun of and say mean shit about the one person that I really love…I hate that when my boyfriend broke up with me you showed no pity but you kick me out of the room when you want to talk to your friend who was stood up for his second date….I hate that I can’t get away, that there is no where to go, and no one to listen. And everyday that I think I want to kill myself and I talk myself out of it I find myself wishing I did kill myself the next day.
I just […]
So many times, i have wondered, what is the meaning of life?Â
Is it to be happy?
To find love?
To make a difference?
To experience new things?
Because I’m already 15 and felt like I’ve wasted a quarter of my life.Â
So much pressure is put on exceling in academics, but what’s the point? It feels as if everyday, the only purpose of life is to do well in every test in order to get a good job. It’s as if our lives are based soley on how well to do academically, and when we fail in academics, the repercussions are horrible.
The disappointment from the family…the judgement from the teachers […]
truthbetold is a jaded individual
urban dictionary says:
a) the end result of having a steady flow of negative experiences,disappointment, and unfulfillment fed into a person
where they get to the point where their anger circuits just sort of burn out and they accept disillusionment.
b) emotionally numb. having been through so much pain that you simply give up and decide unconciously not to feel anymore. mental suicide.
I also have dormant hatred for humanity, which is awaken when people do or say things that remind me how compassionate us humans can be ..
my friend depression tends to find its way inside my mind during the fall and usually leaves […]
i’m a 16 year old girl. never done anything bad really, except for white lies and secret boyfriends (from my parents). But I guess it is what has led me to how I feel now.
It’s started since 6 years ago when my sister became a disappointment to my parents. And well, coming from a South Asian culture, stereotypical, it had to do with the influence of the Western society, new found independence (she was 18) and lack of grades. It costed my parents a lot and that I understood. After that year abroad, she had to return to India and took my mother with her, I […]
I just want to sleep now and never wake up again. I sent an email to my mum confessing that I was diagnosed as depressed and with an anxiety disorder too. I don’t think she has read it yet but she looked my straight in the eye and said to me “I don’t give a fuck.” Â She asked me earlier to tidy my room but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I said il get around to it and thats when she said it. Im just pathetic. I adore my mum and its devastating to think that she might hate me for my illness. […]
On the outside I’m like everyone else.. Something people envy. A high school cheerleader, soccer player, straight A student, and have great friends… But it’s not that simple!
Every day I get taunted by people I get told I’ll never be good enough I’ll never be in their crowd. I try not to let it show but it’s hard I’ve worked so hard to get people to like and accept me. I spend so much money on designer clothes and the new shoes.. But it’s not good enough I stand in the hallway with hundreds of kids around me yet I feel more alone than ever. […]
I’m done. I haven’t felt this way since three months ago…the night I almost killed myself. (Blade wasn’t sharp enough for those of you who are wondering why I didn’t end up dieing)
I can’t feel this way anymore. Right now I feel no hope. I feel nothing but soooo much pain and hurt. I do feel bad for those who have tried to help…the minimum that there were. But really if they cared wouldn’t they want my misery ended? I’m so confused right now. If I thought I had no care for my personal self anymore well I was wrong cause I have even less […]
Everyday of my life is to please everyone else. But for every fake smile i put on my face to fool the stupid people i see, the more i die inside. I cant take it anymore. Being the “nice guy” never helped me with anything. I always have girls tell me “You’re way to nice”, and i ask “Is there something wrong with that?”, and they always say “Nah, i just wish i had a guy like you”. Well why dont they ever want me? They always say they want a nice guy, but then they go after the big douche bag that treats her […]
I’m just so tired. I’m tired of all the criticism, the disappointment, the yelling, the frustration. I’m tired of the promises my friends make and then breaking them right when I needed those promises teh most. I’m tired of feeling hurt because I finally begin to trust someone and that person hurts me unbelievably. I’m tired of wondering when I’ll ever feel loved or when people will finally begin to understand me. I’m tired of going through everyday wondering why I’m still alive and what point there is to life. I’m tired of not being able to cry and let everything that is hurting out. […]
I’ve been wanting to address this idea for at least a few days now. I know that I am not going to recover and that redemption is not by any means guaranteed. I almost feel sorry for people that feel that way since it can be a real set up for disappointment and for me not worth pursuing. Truly I can’t tolerate any more disappointment I’d rather just be satisfied with the beating I’ve taken, the fact that I lost.
I would just say “Yes, Steve, you lost.”
Maybe in heaven, there will be understanding.
Understanding of the motives of each and everyone.
Understanding why they feel the way they feel.
Maybe it will be more than understanding, maybe you will get a first person glimpse of what it is like to be someone else.
Connecting of each other to form a peaceful, heavenly bond.
Madness, disappointment, RAGE, hatred, disgust, FEAR, sadness, grief, humiliation, shyness, cowardliness, regret, sorrow, loneliness, Physical pain, emotional pain, stress, turmoil, suffering, HOPELESSNESS, nonsense, will be overcame.
Maybe in heaven, things will all make sense. It will all PUZZLE together.
Why there is pain.
Pain adds character. Pain breeds experience, wisdom, knowledge, meaning, bravery and resilience.
Pain makes […]
I’ve so often thought of suicide, but when I hear that word it seems inappropriate to convey what I really want. The truth is I just want an ending. I want to be free from the expectations of parents and people around me, free of the worry for money or to have a social standing. I’ve been going to college for 3 years and they haven’t been very happy. Now I flunked cell biology and my moms cutting me off, and spoke to me with the most sincere sense of disappointment. She said she loved me but I saw no love in her words. It’s […]
I feel like dealing with not being loved is so much harder than dealing with an act of hatred or violence. I was molested as a child and beaten for years, but the scars that remain aren’t from those acts (which came from my brother), but from the fact that I never felt loved as a child by my father and brother. That’s the hurt that I have to live with and that has wrecked my self-esteem.
My father never did any fatherly things with me, like kick a ball with me, come watch me play, do homework with me or anything like that… He always made […]
My tears are gone,
I have spent so much time filling the ocean,
So that the seven seas,
Become eight.
Who can answer me better than me,
I don’t know how to shout,
So instead I love myself,
Because who else would do it?
I have this infatuation,
And it whispers salvation,
Because I can’t save myself unless I am saving others,
So when my job is done,
Saving becomes a distant plan,
My brain has had time to breathe,
But how did I know that it would be snuffed in the fumes of carbon monoxide and failure,
I am high on disappointment,
Have you ever felt like Peter Pan?
I once flew to Netherland,
And it was there where I learned the […]
I’m just about finished with my plans to finally go to peaceful sleep.
The doctors, hey they don’t care, never have. Too much in a hurry to see the next dope come in with another fee for them to pay for their swimming pool.
I went to a new doctor who seemed so different, seemed caring. NOT
He told me that all the constipation, pain, spasms of intestines, vertigo, these are just an anxiety attack. Up to then I cared about his diagnosis but after I decided its time to go to that eternal sleeping peace. The place I was before […]