The time I started writing this. You’re supposed to make a wish at 11:11. In some ways, I’m selfish. I wish for a lot of things when this time comes round. And so far, I don’t think any of them have come true.
I still don’t feel comfortable in this fucking body. My gender makes no fucking sense. Dysphoria is a *****, and with fluid gender it fucking suck, because my body and gender never quite match.
It’s stuck in my head that everyone hates me. No-one bothers with me anymore, I’m just that fucked up kid that people put up with because I’m friends […]
Tag:
effort
thousands and thousands of miles may separate us but we are all somehow connected in a weird type of way. nobody really understand us so we all find ourselves here writing as a last ditch effort to miraculously get saved. writing eases my mind and it feels as if the weight of the world somehow gets lifted off my shoulders for a hot second. but lets face it, this site is not interactive enough for me. really looking to make more friends who understands the struggles I continue to face day in and day out. so email me and lets vibe. email: splostgirl hope to […]
We wake up each morning- alive. We live, struggle, suffer, fall in love (if we’re lucky), have a bit of fun, suffer a bit more and then die. What’s the point of it all? What’s the point of going through all of this, actually putting in the effort to do all of this when in the end you will die? Why not just kill yourself now? Yes, life might actually get better, but what difference does it make when in the end everything will be taken away from you ? And what happens if life happens to get worse? You stay alive and suffer even […]
Do you ever wish you could get a terminal disease so you could die without making any painful effort???
This is the first time I’ve done anything like this but I’m going to tell my story as best I can. I guess I’ll start by describing where I am now, physically and emotionally. I’m turned 21 this year and study engineering, of which I have completed 3 of the 8 semesters. Based on my academic record I’m a good student (or so they say) but the political situation in my country makes it difficult to acquire scholarships for one of my ethnicity (not that I need it as my family is quite well to do). Haven’t had a relationship in one year+, don’t have […]
Please send your support for my video documentary venture, Our Dead Buddy’s Bucket List, a series I have started in support of suicide awareness and mental health awareness, in honor of my friend Skyler Atkinson, lost to suicide in January 2015. I film our first episode on September 12th @ Mt. Trashmore at the Hampton Roads 2015 Out of Darkness walk. I can’t make the event its potential without the support of other suicide and awareness supporters behind this effort. DONATE, every little bit counts. Join us in our first person documentary as we take Skyler’s guitar to explore the world all in support of […]
I wish I would die, that my body would just give out or some freak accident will happen to take me out. I’ve wondered if I could go to a bad area at night and coax someone into shooting me in the head. I feel like placing personal ads saying it’s a last ditch effort before I kill myself, because people need to be taught a fucking lesson about not completely fucking with others feelings.
Is it wrong to born gay? I had been in relation with a guy for almost a year. He loves me very much. But he has insecurity Problem and hence we had several fights. One of the fights were so extreme that we had to deal with cops. I really love him and he loves me too! Adding to this. My father left my family when I was two year old baby. I have older brother who doesn’t work. My mother becomes angry on small reasons. I already had an unsuccessful effort of poisoning myself and dying. But still I survived after a medical treatment […]
I’ve been hiding my pain for ong time. All these feelings of hatred towards myself, my infinite flaws, and my terrible life. Anyone who does know about it is also aware that I’m not worth their time or effort to help. And they’re right. All I do is hurt people, piss them off, annoy them, let them down, burden them, and plenty more. When I finally successfully kill myself, I will be doing them all a favor. Not one would care, and it would improve their lives immensely. The closest I came to happiness was meeting my best friend, who actually could put a smile […]
I contracted an STD from an ex about 8 months ago (always use a condom, even for blowjobs!), it’s chronic pain in my dick among other things. The doctors are no help and I’m having trouble sleeping! I’ve also had severe anxiety and depression most of my life, on the positive side my family is not too bad. Grew up in a nice house, family vacations, blah blah blah, but what I wanted most that I never received was love! I mean I got some love but I feel like they didn’t want to exert the effort, I guess I can blame that on both […]
Thought I’d take the effort to upload it to youtube, this song is just stunningly beautiful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwzTEq9CUGQ
Lyrics:
Call me crazy but maybe this seems a little movie like
This whole saying goodbye
This whole frozen in time thing
“Well it’s better to have loved..” I keep telling myself
Well anything is better than this
There comes a time when you realise
That it’s better to let go of a dove than watch it become the vulture
We pray that this won’t eat us up
To every chapter written be thankful it was a part of the book at all
There’s a lot of blood in the ink
There’s […]
Not having a funeral when i die, people didnt want to make the effort to see me in life so it would be the greatest of insults for them to see me in death, it’s too late then, it’s not their fault it’s just the way it is…
I will be cremated and have my ashes discarded with only my immediate family present it doesnt matter where that takes place as it makes no difference..
There won’t be anyone home besides myself. Friends and loved ones have been pushed away. I’ve been trying to use this time to think about ways to get better. Ways to change but something inside puts a halt to those thoughts…
I don’t want to get better. Things just need to cease going on. Whether it’s the world or just my world. Because the colors been drained, there is no more energy to care. Taking something hot or sharp to soft skin is all I really put effort into. If not that then other ways to wind up hurt. Brusies and scrapes, nicks and cuts…never have […]
Why is it so hard for ppl to love you the same way you love them?
written by alliwantislovenhappiness
I’m 33 and I have felt unloved my entire life. My family doesn’t think Im good enough. My dad called me a screw up a loser n that I’ll never amount to anything. And no man will ever love me. I have been in love with a man (my sons father) for 10 yrs. yes he cheats. Yes he’s living with his daughters mother but still is wanting to be with me. I am naive. I have never felt love like I have felt from him. I trust him I adore him I stood by him thru think n thin. He helped me become better. […]
I recently formed new bonds with people in my life. It was a byproduct of someone giving me a helping hand, offering a new life in a new place. I have been dealing with the same garbage for years, and this was the reason I wanted to die just a few months ago. I was deluded enough to think things could change, that all I needed was a little therapy, and a change of environment.
My mind is obviously still a cluttered mess after the big changes; I haven’t put any real work in. I no longer have an interest in changing or doing the work […]
I am seriously considering suicide right now; the past week and a half truly. I know most people on here are suicidal but up until recently I’ve just been battling depression and self harm….. but now I could do it at any time….its a constant pro-con battle in my mind. I keep trying to reach out because i feel myself slipping away, but my effort is only met with rejection and bitter disappointment.
I doubt that anyone I know in real life will ever think to look on this forum to find my posts. But if they do, I want them to know that I forgive them.
Mom and dad, you weren’t always right, but it wasn’t for a lack a of effort. You tried your best for me for almost 42 years. I appreciate it all. Thank you.
Brother, we didn’t always see eye to eye. We had disagreements, but I remember the good times we had. Take good care of your kids and yourself.
Sister, we were best friends growing up. You are still special to me. Thanks for […]
I’m 20 and in my second year of varsity. I have a history of cutting myself and have tried to kill myself a few times, putting myself in hospital once. After a lot of effort and the help of my boyfriend I was able to move past it and break the habit. But now he and I are having a really rough patch. We have nothing in common. He’s Mr Logic while I’m immensely emotional. He doesn’t make me feel wanted or special. It feels like he looks down on me a lot. I’m not even sure if I still love him any more. My […]
I find every thing about life exhausting. The daily interactions with other people, all the expectations and obligations. Every aspect of living takes more effort than it is worth. The work the effort we have to put into this existence its just far more than we ever get out of it. I have this secret fantasy, of getting sent to prison on a life sentence. Where I get to serve out the whole sentence in solitary confinement. Just 24/7 locked in my little cell, never seeing anyone else. Just slide a meal tray through the door once or twice a day and leave me alone. […]
I don’t have the faith, nor self esteem. But the ability to try, the potential. I can, but i feel mentally weak and doubt myself. What is it that pulls me down every time? maybe its the opposite of what pushes me up every time; you know tao and all that. Perhaps the question is not how to move up but how to keep stable. It’s the attraction in degradation that pulls me down. I need to avoid/prevent that while remaining true with myself.
I need to be above things. i need to distinguish between what is utility and what is me. I have experienced such states when […]