The love of my life lives in Kansas….I live in North Carolina. We have been off and on for almost a year now. We got back together about 2 months ago then he broke up with me. I fell back into cutting and pills. He swore he didn’t like anyone else, it was just the distance. He asked out my best friend 2 days after he told me that. I want to fucking hate him so much….but I can’t. He doesn’t know I know. I promised him I wouldn’t cut or get high…..yet my arm is filled with new scars and my pill bottles are […]
Tag:
Emotions
Since i moved to the Dominican Republic i feel as is am no longer in control of my emotions. Back home when i got angry or depress i would just go in my room and hurt myself . Here i cant do that, i don’t want them to see me this way.  My mom says by them seeing me like this it will make it much easier for me to get help, but that’s what i just don’t get.  I don’t know what i need help with, i don’t know if these feelings that i have are just depression or something else. I wish i understood how depression […]
I haven’t fully accepted my depression, sometimes I’m like “maybe I’m just upset about this or this” or “I just need to do more”, but I think the reason can’t accept it is because to me depression feels like being left behind while everyone else is moving on as silly as that may sound. I feel like more awful than usual, I’m not sure if it has to do with the weather getting colder or the unexpected days off from school but I’ve spent most of my days sleeping curled up in a blanket ,awake with insomnia at night ,and eating a lot of junk […]
im not quite sure whats wrong with me anymore. i fall apart so easily on little things. i do not fear death at all but when someone makes a shrewd comment to me about my scars i completely shut down. why?
the other day when hurricane sandy came through, i was with my uncle and a couple of his friends at an atv park. well it was really windy and and the weather was bad. i had gone inside the camper and just 5 seconds of me going inside a tree fell on the camper literally missing me by inches. i almost had my life […]
I, like many other people, am a “lucky” person.
I have a great family, everything I could want and more, many friends who are supportive of me, and a good life in general.
Yet, all the while, I feel this emptiness inside me where emotions should be. Whenever I feel “happy”, it’s more close to feeling something close to happiness, almost like its shadow. If emotions were people, they would come knocking on the door of my heart, then before I can open the door and let it in, it leaves, making me feel something ALMOST like emotions.
Am I becoming heartless? Unable to feel any […]
Well, after contemplating for a couple hours, I finally decided to post something. The main reason is because I mean who the hell wants to listen to some teenager going on about how depressed he is when there is no reason as to why he would be? I have a roof to sleep under and food to eat every night. I don’t get bullied. I don’t hate myself or think I’m ugly or stupid. I have no good reason to want to die. Â But yet there’s something inside me that is tearing me apart. I have no emotions any more. I just want to die. […]
I can’t calm the burning sensation of thoughts racing through my mind. i just want to sit in the rain and be washed away. i wish there was a way to control the  rage of my emotions, but I feel like i can’t, because I do not know what is causing the pain. at the end of the day, i just want all the hurt to go away. i really do. what can I do? i hate being so alone everyday. so vulnerable, so dare i say, unhuman.
All my life I have put my friends before myself. All my life I have asked how they were doing. How they’re holding up. If they’re okay. If they need anyone to talk to. To have a shoulder to cry on. A rock to keep them in place. Someone to come to when they don’t know what to do or what to say. I have always been there. No matter what, I have always been there. I don’t judge, I don’t talk until everything they have to let out is said, I don’t even tell them what’s going on i my life because at those […]
i’m so lost right now, i feel like i’m all alone in the world. like i’m here but i’m invisible. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like giving up, not trying anymore. I’m just about done.
I found out today the reason my boyfriend doesn’t have feeling for me anymore, its not because i was forced to move so now we don’t see eachother, its because of another girl, my ex best friend too. it breaks me down, i feel like its my fault, like i wasn’t good enough, even though i put in all i have, i told him everyday how […]
My name is Nick mills. I am 18 going on 19 in march. For my whole life the only person who has cared about me is my father. My mother doesnt care, my siblings resent me, for no real reason, other than that i just don’t belong or have ruined their lives somehow by being birthed into this god forsaken world. Constitantly seeking approval, because no one has ever approved of anything i have done. I am currently on my 5th year of high school, alternative ed starting at the end of last year at Lincoln High School owosso michigan, (track me down and murder […]
Today, I am posting this because I need an advice. Like almost every comrades here on this site, I am suffering…A lot. I want to die…But I have no intent of suiciding. I have 3 personalities, so they gave me 3 different choices of what to do, so help me to decide:
My 1st: Continue to suffer, until somebody save me or I have an mental breakdown -> killer -> cops will get rid of me. This guy is weak, lonely, yet gentle and kind.
My 2nd: Cry loud enough to gain everone attention/fake mental breakdown. This guy is stronger, easier to get rage, but is also […]
As far back as I can remember, I’ve always had this nagging thought in the back of my mind. This thought that life is pointless and tiresome. I don’t remember much of being a child. It is as though I was someone else before I became a teenager. Photographs are life’s little moments captured in a stillframe and frozen. Looking at childhood pictures bothers me, because I feel as though I am looking at someone else. I feel as though the pictures are supposed to make me recall the moment in the photo. But I don’t. I don’t remember dressing in the clothes I am […]
Hey there guys…its me again…well today started out bad and hasn’t got much better really on the bright side dad had to leave for school today and wont be back till at least Tuesday or Wednesday, but he couldn’t leave on a good note. He had to tell me i was a lazy useless fat ass so i’ve decided until i get down to a better weight today was my last time eating. I’m sick of his mouth i’m sick of living in this house and having to have a worthless father who i feel like doesn’t want me here anyway. On another note mom did […]
I am not feeling like it right now. That nagging feeling of pain, that would just fly around my head, I would try to swat it and it would stay there, flying.
I am content with that, and willing to live, but every once in a while I feel this crushing feeling, this little voice in the back in my head, that no matter what, I will fail, my dreams, my aspirations will just fall flat on it’s face, that my 17 years of life have been futile, worthless, an utter waste of time.
That the education system was rigged for me to fail. But right now? […]
So two weeks ago I almost decided to go through with ending it all. I was in the tub, hot water and all. Instruments neatly set up on the side. Box cutter, scalpel, syringe, needles plenty of options to choose from. At that point I had used all of them to inflict harm upon my body knowing it would not result in my death but instead give me some relief from the hell of my life. Upon deciding which one to choose that would do the job right I remembered I never had the opportunity to use the syringe. It was sterilized considering I stole […]
I have been lurking on this site for a while, and a few months ago I began to post some of my own thoughts here. Within a short span of time this site has begun to play a very important role in my everyday life. It has generated a wide-range of emotions from me, especially the SP-Chat.
Through this place I have experienced some of the happiest moments of my life while at the same time it has caused me much emotional and mental anguish. I’ve become quite addicted to visiting this site, reading posts, hearing the ideas and emotions people are expressing and learning from […]
When I was young, I was ‘diagnosed’ as being gifted. High intelligence, learns fast. They forgot to mention the side effects. I analyse everything and everyone. I can’t stand being around people. They never say anything interesting. Meaningless discussions about the boring crap they do all day long and are planning to do. I can make almost anyone like me with the masks of sanity I put on every day. Cheerful to some, great listener to others and a serious guy to more others, everyone likes me. I have a good job and decent enough looks, by all accounts a great guy.
But noone sees […]
I have never posted here before although I have been reading what others say for a while. I dont ever talk to the people in my life about emotions, feelings or anything else that I keep buried deep down inside myself in order to get through the day.
I have friends. I have friends that I never talk to, and friends that I talk to about small trivial things that are unimportant to me but I deem to be considered normal by society. Its important to me that I blend in and that no one notices that something is wrong. If people knew that something is […]
I have to go back to work today after two weeks off’ and I’m so terrified to go. Everybody is going to look at me with those questioning eyes, smile their fake smiles, talk their small talk, ask how I’m feeling…
What do you say to them?
Thanks for asking!
“I’ve been off for two weeks because I can’t handle life. And when I get to this point I like to hurt myself, so I needed this time to recuperate from the demon emotions that overtake who I may or may not be, oh and I binged this weekend like a fat kid in a candy store only […]
Here we go again. I am in a deep mess of emotions right now, it is hard to describe it but being mad is alright for today. Just for today. I have been happy for a couple of weeks, really happy. It was unbelievable.
We got drunk yesterday again, i feel lame because of it. I just remembered the scene of me crying in front of the screen watching sth on youtube, it was just a disguise for the reasons that really drove me to tears. Anyway this person i like, my best friend saw me and tapped me on my shoulder and left. I could […]