I hope this to be my last post ever on this website. For me, things did not get better. I know now that they will not get better. Anytime something good ever happens to me, it gets taken away from me. It is always a matter of time before something knocks my happiness off course. I hope tomorrow I can end my life. I pray for it. My parents will be working and it my perfect chance to end it all. Maybe sometime this week. Even though things did not get better for me, it may get better for whomever is reading this. Stay strong. […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
From what was essentially a pretty good week, not including a slight double up of meds, things have really taken a downhill slide today. Woke up thinking about feeling very dark and very quickly progressed into fantasizing about the big leap. Had to catch a train to get dosed at my clinic and was picturing myself kissing the train. Now im home and its still there. Worse than ever. I know it has alot to do with been alone today but I dont want to be near anyone. That would just remind me of my difference to everyone around me. So im […]
I know you guys have been listening to my bullshit about my ex for quite some time. I finally made a huge step in parting ways with him. I guess I have had enough… enough wanting him… enough trying to be his friend…
We just need to be done with each other.
I can’t even put into words how hard this is/was….
Thank you to everyone here that gave me advice and would listen to my rants.
Call it aftermath shes turing blue
Such a lovely colour for you
Call it aftermath shes turning blue
Such a lovely colour for your eyes
Call it aftermath shes turning blue
While I just sit and stare at you.
Woke up with this song in my head. Was playing the album last night but fell asleep at the first song. Subliminal listening. Cool.
Have a good day everyone.
Today is strange. Everyone around me looks strange. And I definitely feel strange. Pretty sure I doubled one of my meds,That and the fact I had about two hours sleep. Big contributing factors.
Thats all I got. Pretty dark today.
Hay guys how’s r things going I haven’t been here in a wile been trying to keep busy just checking up on u guy
i can’t remember all the names
cordless
alan
darktide
phanton the names I no of the top of my head how is everyone doing ?
So im guessing from the posts most u guys are in the US. That got me thinking, how much does everyone pay for cigarettes.? In Australia I pay about $20 per packet of 25. Needless to stay I need to quit. anyway, just interested.
I posted this awhile back but had my usual panic attack and deleted it after it only had one comment… I always worry that everyone hates it and is just too nice to say anything.
I have to admit it’s one of my favorite things I’ve written so far.
.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/HeartBegs.mp3
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Instrumentation:
Choir (Soprano, Alto, Tenor, Bass)
Piano
Strings (Violin, Viola, Cello, Bass)
Tympani
So instead of posting it and sitting back in anxious panic, waiting for comments to show up, I will do this:
I will post it, then I will walk away. I will go out to the car and drive somewhere many miles away. Maybe […]
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It’s that time of night again, when I am wide awake and all the rest of you are asleep.
SP is so quiet I can hear the sound of my disturbing thoughts rattling around like a tin can in a dark alley. The alley everyone knows you need to stay away from if you value your safety.
So many of us have been gone lately.
I miss AlanOminous, I miss ToTrees, I miss Mf.
I miss those of us who have gone, possibly gone forever.
And […]
Wow. Just wow.
Sorry for the drama the last week. I’m out the other end. Not sure why. But like everything else in my life I am just going to walk forward.
Thank you everyone for your hands. So many hands and hearts.
HDS
I lost the game. She really does hate me now even though, my depression and apathy were the causes for why I pushed her away. I guess I deserve this fate… A fate worse than death or Hell… A living Hell with only one escape. It’s fine. I was tired of fighting sanity and life, anyway… I’m moving my date to tonight.
Goodbye, everyone.
Hello. Lately I’ve been feeling ok. My depression comes in waves I guess. I went to bed feeling ok, but woke up feeling like shit. I don’t know why this happens. I’ve got a feeling something bad is coming. I’m going to screw up some how and everyone is going to be mad. Do you know that feeling? It’s that gut feeling that the momentary peace you feel isn’t going to last very long. There’s not really much to say. I’ve got a few more weeks until testing. I realize I’m way behind since my depression kind of came back. I don’t really see myself […]
I think I have a cold fml… So how is everyone?
Also one is never enough
another (very short) poem for today:
how do i soften the memory of you
like fingerprints on glass
barely, barely, barely there
a whisper left behind
today wasn’t the best but i hope everyone else is doing well
*is playing “Echo” by Jason Walker as I write*
Hahahaha, my ex re-added me on Skype but she hates my guts! Sure, I was whiny and apathetic to her but I was fighting a really bad depression at the time. Granted, I’m still fighting it but it lessened enough for me to have some clarity now. I missed her and thought we could work things out… I really did. I guess I deserve this for my countless sins.
The future I dreamed of has turned into a nightmare and I’m breaking at the seams. Damn, I feel like Laughing Jack right now! Then again, I guess I […]
Damn it’s hard to try live like normal people I feel myself slowly slipping back into that dark place been trying to fight it and I still will but time will tell how things will go how is everyone doing today u know when u got so much on your mind that your mind goes blank and your body is on autopilot that’s how I feel
So today I was online talking with people and everyone is having a nice conversation and then there is this one person that comes in. He/she all of a sudden are doing a role-play thing about committing suicide. He/she was writing about grabbing a knife and all. And here’s the thing that bothers me the most, he/she is not one bit suicidal (I asked one of his/her friends to see of he/she really was) Um… excuse me!? What the fuck is wrong with you!? There are people who are really suicidal and he/she is over here using it as entertainment. He/she is probably even using […]
Hello. In a few hours I have an interview and it’ll probably be a disappointment. But for right now I wanted to ask you a question. What do you guys do for entertainment? How do you guys get your mind off of things. I play video games and watch youtube ( I love game grumps and I’m watching the new episode right now). I also love animation. Not working on it, but seeing the process and the final product is so cool. I have major respect for anyone who can animate. It’s just so cool to see it all come together. So what do you […]