Last year, I started suffering from depression.
Last week, I started cutting.
Last day, I cried and told myself how ugly the wounds look.
I’m not used to seeing my left wrist so jagged and so scarred.
Is it normal to love and hate cutting both at the same time?
To love and to hate. Two contradicting things I always seem to clash together.
I feel so alone, as if I am not good enough.
Today I almost suffocated from my own self-hate. Sigh, not literally, metaphorically. There were so many people in the bathroom all of a sudden and I could not cry, I had to hold it in for approximately ten minutes while they fussed over their picture.
I have lost multiple people in my life. Many, many people. It hurts, I thought they would live forever, they would never leave me, but no they didn’t, people never do. It’s all my fault, all mine, they left this world, and I probably caused it… I was young, so little, my adoptive mother/great great grandmother loved me, hated me, protected me,exposed me, hid me, hurt me, but she kept me alive, she died when I was around seven. All I remember is her in the hospital bed with pictures of us taped to the many wires which were connected to her. She died, with […]
Human’s Imagination / Humans’ Imagination / Humans Imagination is better than Reality
Movie / movies is better than reality / real life / real world
Video game / games is better than reality / real world / real life
Novel /novels is better than reality / real-life / real-world /
Sci-fi / Science-fiction is better than reality / reallife / realworld
Fantasy is better than reality / real world / real life
Anime / manga is better than reality / realworld / reallife
Dream / dreams is better than reality / real-world / real-life
I hate reality !!!!
Reality it’s all about MONEY !!!!!!
Reality is BORING […]
haven’t been feeling like i need food or sleep. hallucinating a little, not really all visual but smelling random things and occasionally stopping what i’m doing to listen … i either cant get out of bed or i’m pacing the house and organizing things. its funny how they can tell what state my mind is in based on my hair, its sticking up everywhere and I wear the same clothes(I usually lose track of my days and end up getting too comfortable in them).
i feel so lonely. and pointless.
i realized i don’t need to make enough money for a coffin/service, i don’t need a funeral. i […]
Hello there. I’ve been around this site for a few months now. I see people are quite nice around here, so i guess i’ll be telling a few tales regarding how i got to the point i am at now. Perhaps what i say will fall in non-deaf ears for once.
People have told me a lot of stories about rape.
They’ve told me how to be careful when I walk alone at night,
And how men in trench coats come out of dark alleys.
They’ve told me to kick them in the groin and run,
To scream for help.
People who can calmly tell you how they were almost caught,
How a stranger followed them down a sidewalk and made a grab,
And how they fought back and won.
How the offender’s in jail and their life is back on track
how happy they are.
But no one talks about how they didn’t fight.
About how they […]
Actually, I’ve been a lurker for the longest time. On and off. Never posted before though. I don’t think I’ve ever been actually the text book definition of suicidal, but I wonder about death (and life) a lot. The last time I had been on here was about 2 years ago. So today when I came across this video, I surprised myself to suddenly find that my very first thought was to share it here on TSP.
So HELLO SPians, and here’s to life and death, our favorite oil-and-water odd couple…
Enjoy CREEP (Radiohead, 1992), performed by this raspy and wholehearted former street performer, “Mustard” (aka. Danny […]
Sometimes, there are times in your life where you can’t help but have to say goodbye. Not because you want, or that you necessarily need to. It’s just one of those unspoken things where if the person you’ve met isn’t suppose to be in your path, you need to say goodbye. But the thing with goodbyes… they aren’t forever. They’re a simple reminder that sometime soon, I plan on seeing you again. Whether it be in my dreams or at a different moment, I’ll see you.
i wish harry potter was real really exist , i wish fantastic beasts were real really exist , i wish magic was real really exist , i wish magic really exist , i wish wizards were real really exist
because reality is boring , mundane , and limiting limited
because real world is boring , mundane , and limited limiting
because real life is boring , mundane , & limited limiting !
reality is all about MONEY !
real-life is all about Money !
real-world is all about Money !
Life is boring , mundane ,
movies is better than reality real life real world !
novels is […]
It’s been months since I’ve started to come here to find comfort, just seeing people as eager to quit this world as me makes me feel better, I felt safe, and comfortable each time I opened up the website, so I’ve decided to create an account too.
My issue is not necessarily coming from a particular event but much more from a profoundly anchored existantial boredom. Each passing day is the same, even though I know there is so much I have not seen? Being human is such a weird experience. There are so many things I want to say I don’t know what to start […]
I hate reality ! reality is boring !
Doctor Strange is better than reality !
Marvel MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) is better than reality !
Avengers is better than real world !
Sword Art Online is better than real life !
Virtual Reality is better than boring reality !
video games is better than reality real life real world !
movies is better than real-world real-life reality !
novels is better than real-life real-world reality !
anime manga is better than boring real life real world reality !
comics is better than boring real world real life reality !
Why Human’s Imagination is much better than […]
Letter to my mom.
Dear Mother,
I try to defend you to EVERYONE who said you were a terrible person.
I defended you even after you beat me and forced me to walk across town
to my grandparents neighborhood at 10 at night
i was in shorts and it was snowing out.
I am choosing to go get help for myself
and you tell me im “running from my problems”
I tell you that you can just lose me for 6 months to a year
or you can lose me for the rest of your life
and you call me a ***** and say
“suicide is stupid.”
i fucking hate you so much.
I will never defend you […]
It’s been about a year since I wanted to kill myself.
It was about last November or December, that I really wanted to do it. My mum and my step dad had finally decided to get a divorce, so my mum and I moved in with my aunt, cousin, and grandpa. I was really happy that the divorce was finally happening. My step dad had a horrible addiction to marijuana, which fed his crippling schizophrenia. They finally divorced because my dad wanted to smoke pot all day, which made it hard for my mom to have a life. Not because of the […]
Been lurking on and off in the dark periods of life for years, now I’m looking for some advice.
I’m m27 and probably been depressed more or less for 10 years+. I’m finally getting some help and facing a lot of fears and problems that I’ve ignored. Due to being depressed and that leading to anxiety and some degree of isolation how do you return to normal life and in particular dating when you feel like you cant tell anybody about the last 10 years because you fucked up everything by either being sad, selfdestructive or wasted?
As some of u may know, I commute about 2 hours each way to and from work. Part of my journey takes me past my old high school which I left a long long long time ago. I also go thru areas that were my old stomping grounds and even past two houses I used to live in with my parents. most days I pretty much keep my head down and read a book or look and post here on sp. But for some reason today I was casually looking out the bus Window when I got hit with all these memories from […]
so I kind of ruined my family a bit and I can’t seem to stop… I don’t want to hurt anyone but I told my mom that I wanted her to apologize sincerely for not being there to support me whenever I went through disciplinary trouble, and that I can’t move on until she does. Long story. Anyway, since the incident happened yesterday it feels like time doesn’t exist. There’s no future, barely any past, but everything is the present. I cut myself 20 times yesterday and I’ve been steadily taking painkillers since 3. I don’t even take pills. I don’t think I’m going to end […]
Theory about what happens when you die. I came across this theory. I am not saying I believe this is what happens, just that it is an interesting concept.
Imagine what it’s like to never wake up from a dream, something none of us have experienced. You’re having your NDE (Near Death Experience). Effectively, you’re in heaven. But then you die, and so you never become consciously aware that you’re not in heaven, i.e., that your dream ends. It’s not like the dream screen displays “The End” or even goes blank! Thus, as far as you know, you’re in heaven forever.
The concept of time here is like […]
Hey SP, I am still alive and these are the reasons why I didn’t end my life.
The support and advice from people, and not people like friends and family, but you, the ones on SP, and for that, THANK YOU!!!
Belief in high power and I believe there is a reason for everything
And the fear of failing. Failing of ending my life because if I fail, then I will be judged by everyone who knows me.
I’m not going to get depression, death and evil in my life win this fight,
Don’t waste your time reading this post, unless you have the time and/or actually want to waste it. I’m writing this because sometimes I just need to let it all out. So the first thing I wanted to go on about is people. This is all in accordance to me and my bitching about everything and my opinions and feelings from personal or non-personal experiences. So, I shall shut up and begin now. Sometimes, I fucking hate people. Sometimes they suck. Not always, I’ve known some that have had a few not too sucky moments, but for the most part.. For me, people always leave […]
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