-the American education system- fail
-the American healthcare system- fail
-the American mental care system- fail
-the American prison system- fail
-the American political system- fail
-the American tax system- fail
-the American mainstream media- fail
I mention the American system because well, that’s where I live.
There is no justice, no fairness, no meritocracy, no equality.
To the corrupted goes the spoils.
So I have been depressed since I was 13, I had a eating disorder (anorexia) for almost three years, I have social anxiety, I self harmed for many years, but now I am 7 months free (yep, trying to hold on) and I tried to commit suicide 5 times.
I can’t stand not being the best, and this feeling is eating me alive. I can’t focus, I can’t stop crying, I can’t sleep and I can’t eat. The feeling of not being perfect is destroying my life, I can’t help but break stuff, hurt myself, slap my face and smash my head against a wall everytime I […]
I’ve given up. It was the other day I decided to not message the guy I love again, but then by chance he ended up sending me a message. However, I’m still resolving myself to just give up. I know I’m not important and I have no place.
Odd that I’d finally get around to trying to complete his promise to me since he never will. I just pored the shit, so, if it comes out at all, it’s gonna be seriously jacked. The mold was split in half and in 3 sections. Took a shit ton of work to try to seal it up. Best […]
I was born to fail. I have no qualifications. I have no future. Time to kill myself now. Doesn’t it? I’m 19 and I have no idea about my life and I have no skills too. Maybe I was born by a mistake. Achieved nothing during my lifetime. Help me if you can. Thanks for reading. Hard to breath. Holding so much pain inside me. No, still I’m not crying. Holding this pain for 1 year now. 🙁 ON THE FENCE
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
Life is not fair.
Life is unfair.
there is always winners & losers.
there will always be winner & loser.
so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
rather than they keep living chasing & fixing all their way too many losses, which is probably too late anyway too.
and usually losers can’t win / can never win against winners anyway .. even the “start” is already too late!!
This is the harsh truth / fact / reality .
Reality / Real life / Real world is very LIMITING / LIMITED in what we can & can’t do !
We are limited by money […]
is superhero real exist ?
are superheroes real exist ?
is superpower or magic real exist ? (like in those cool movies, games, comics, novels, books, anime / manga, etc) ?
you know, like in those ‘cool’ superhero movies : X-Men (X Men), Superman, Thor, Spiderman, Iron man, Captain America, or in those ‘cool’ fantasy / sci-fi (sci fi, science fiction) movies : Harry Potter, Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Avatar, TRON, or games like Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, etc etc ..
otherwise, fuck this boring reality / real world / real life !!
I hate reality, I hate life , I hate this very *LIMITED* & […]
Movies, books, video games, novels, comics, anime/manga, etc etc, basically human’s IMAGINATIONS is a hundred times FAR much more interesting than this very LIMITING reality / real-world / real-life here in this world!
and what’s even worse is that most (about 90%) of humans / people I meet & know everyday are mostly stupid, shallow, superficial, mundane/boring, money and profits and image driven only, ignorant,.. mostly human beings especially today these days are much more bad & hopeless ..!!
(there are -thankfully/luckily?- only FEW humans/people that I like, eg: the very creative/imaginative & ‘other-worldly’ artists who created/made all those awesome fantasy, sci-fi stories, novels, books, […]
I’m sorry, mom
I’m sorry, dad
I’m sorry, friends
I’m sorry, Family
I’m sorry, body
I’m sorry, mind
I’m sorry, teachers
I’m sorry, voice
I have failed all of you at one point… or every day.
Mom: I’m sorry I am not like my brother, I’m not made of gold and jewels. I am not skinny, smart, good looking, or good at anything. I am sorry I am failing school, I am sorry you are embarrassed to call me your daughter. I am sorry that you are ashamed to be in public with me because I am not thin like all the other girls. I am sorry I don’t do make-up and my hair, […]
I’m sorry, mom.
I’m sorry I fail to meet your expectations every day, I’m sorry I’m not doing well in school.
I’m sorry I’m not thin, or athletic, or pretty enough for you to be proud of me.
I’m sorry I am so torn up inside, I’m sorry I have chronic depression.
I’m sorry I don’t talk and walk like the girl you wish I were.
I’m sorry I have different opinions on what is worth my time.
I’m sorry I don’t do everything right the first time.
I’m sorry I can’t function correctly.
I’m sorry I am sad most of the time, I’m sorry I am a lot to handle.
I’m sorry I’m […]
There’s not a moment where I think about killing myself/committing suicide. I’ve already tried twice, but I couldn’t do it. I tried to drown myself in the tub. The water was just about up to where my head was at. I put my face/wash towel over my face so I couldn’t breath at all. Then I laid back in the water. I started thinking what if I really did just kill myself right here and now? Would anyone care? I’d finally be free of pain and torment. I doubt I’m going to heaven, if it’s even real. I’m an atheist. Just as I […]
So, you know the constant failings of out favorite superheros in their private life, like peter parker? I’m finding that the more time progresses, the more my life turns into a generic superhero movie without the superhero part. Maybe I need to get bitten by a mutated spider. Maybe I should introduce my brains to the wall. Idk. Tonight will tell.
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