I ruined my moms paradise. “Youre just like your father, you came into my paradise and ruined it”. I was homeless and between jobs. I helped around the house, I tried keeping conversations with her, but every time I was met with disdain. It was just a repeat of my childhood. Except my father wasnt around to physically abuse me. My mom was there to still be emotionally abusive though. She let her ex-boyfriend constantly use the f-slur around me even after expressing to them both multiple times Im uncomfortable with it because of my being bisexual. She even made excuses for him. […]
Hello there, friends. I just ran across this website tonight. At first I was shocked because it seemed to be promoting suicide, but then I read the rules and realized that wasn’t the case. However, I didn’t worry any less about the people on this site. I don’t know any of you but I’m guessing I know the feelings you’re feeling. Please take a look at what I have to say.
Disclaimers
I’m going to make a few disclaimers before I start. First of all, if I accidentally say something that offends you, I apologize and recognize that your viewpoint exists. However, I don’t apologize for speaking […]
I’ve completely broken down this time. It’s like no matter how hard I try, it ends in failure and more agony. I thought this damn time, I could finally recover my health…hah, what a joke! At the same time, what did I expect? I feel dead inside, don’t give a shit about my future, not to mention my health is like this because of being self destructive from wanting to die.
I have no one except for my family, the very one that plays a big part in why I struggled so hard to not hate myself. I feel a little bad about writing […]
lately, a few memories have been flooding my mind, not sure why. it’s been a rough few months, honestly. and flashbacks haven’t made them any easier.
classes and homework are taking up a lot of my time, but still, feels like i’m spreading myself thin. friend of mine started to talk more regularly with me this year and they think it’s great and all but half the time i don’t know what to say. every time we talk, i feel so drained; i just physically can’t keep talking for the whole day.
kinda hard to explain, but it just constantly feels like i’m being talked down to, […]
Metamorphosis
As the wind turns and picks up a leaf to take it on its own journey, the same are our lives and mine. It al begun when i was child: My dad and my mom broke up before my birth. His present for my mom as I was born: a cactus. I love him, very dearly. My stepdad took his place. well not really place, he merely existed in my life as a puzzle piece that doesn’t really fit in, but was good enough to give the false image of an complete picture. He argued a lot with my mother, more than once it woke […]
In my delusions I somehow managed to convince myself that I’m perfect and there’s nothing wrong with me, again. Yeah I’m a narcissist… my mother isn’t. I’m the problem. I made my mother cry today. It’s not the first time. We got into an argument and it didn’t get very heated but then again that might be another one of my delusions. I just told her I didn’t like her. I don’t have any reason to, but I also don’t have any reason not to. I guess it’s because she is really trying hard to get to know me and actually help me. I’m really […]
What do I do when my mother tells me to go live with my father, but my father has been absent for 5 years? What am I supposed to do when non of my parents want to be fucking responsible for the human being they brought to this fucking world? Where do I go?
All i want is to stop being a nobody in my own family, the last priority. Is it too much to ask for people to thank me from time to time?
I feel quite hopeless today.
I can be an asshole sometimes, and even though I don’t ever misbehave on purpose, sometimes i just can’t stop myself on time. Every single day i try my best to act accordingly, to do everything that must be done and what is, now, expected of me. However, sometimes i simply lose it, and act out. I don’t know why i do that, i really don’t. But it hurts others […]
i can’t feel anything lately. right now i should be sad, a family member passed away yesterday. but i truly just don’t feel anything. it’s like i’m walking on air
that’s not new though, i’ve been struggling for a few weeks. recently, certain memories regarding childhood trauma have resurfaced, and i don’t know why. again, i’ve been struggling a lot.
i don’t know what i want to say, actually. you know how people sometimes change their personalities slightly depending on who they’re with? lately i had to create a new persona, let’s say. my mom said a few things on different occasions, so i decided to pretend […]
One thousand, one hundred and fifteen days have gone by since we discovered you were no longer a part of this universe, our universe. It has gotten easier to process but it’s still not easy. The shock of it never ceases. It is still surreal. How can I summarize in words the cluster of pain we feel everyday given your absence? Let’s see. The reality that you are missing and missed our daughter and son’s 16th birthdays, his phenomenal culinary […]
I don’t want to be ‘sick’ anymore or at least well enough I can resemble the things I want to be. Who I am is not my desire.
I’d like to work but I’m beyond just pushing myself and I’ve been denied disability.
I want to be the super mom I believed in but I’m not well enough.
I want to be able to stay with my significant other and not cry or have flashbacks about things he had nothing to do with.
I want to be all love and light.
I want to be so many things but my illness stands in my way. […]
Sigh… I hate my mom…
I can’t really show pics for proof so I guess you’ll have to take my word for it, and I guess it’s up to you if I reacted wrong and if my mom sucks or not, but yeah, I’ll try to find enough time to post on this on a work day, I hate waiting to type out something important…
Also, no offense, but… I think Primal One posted like 15 posts in a row and buried some otherd including mine so I’m not sure if people saw them but whatever…
Here we go. :p
Me
“I want a girlfriend. 🙁 It feels weird saying […]
I don’t know what to do or anything….I’m lonely, alone, worthless, not anything but a waste of space, time, effort…anything. I would give my life story but have so many times, would also be a book…i type too much. I annoy others I just gwt in the way. I have tourettes, as well as many mental issues some self diagnosed, others not,
I have many health problems like celiac disease, back issues, jaw messed up, etc.
I try to make friends, but everyone gets tired of the way I talk or I’m plain boring. I’m married and trying to get divorces…middle of it. He is extremely narsisistic […]
I’m very new to this, suicidal forum.. straight to the point.. It’s not that I am going to or really have the urge to commit suicide. It’s the constant thought popping into my head. I will catch myself fantisizing of the idea. But these questions always rush to mind. Should I end it? What will happen to my boyfriend, family and friends? Who would show up at my viewing or funeral? How can I make the death fast and 100% effective? I’m not sure why I take the time to give deep thought if I’m contemplating to die.. can someone help me understand where I […]
I hate my life. I’m a minor and that means I obviously have to live with my parents. I’m a girl and have 3 disgusting brothers. The only thing I have for myself is my brains which I got from my mother. She’s mean sometimes but she’s the only one I actually truly love in this nightmare of a household. My dad and I had a fight about 2-3 months ago and he hasn’t talked to me since. He’s a fucking stupid middle aged man and an ego the size of a fucking blue whale. I hate him so much, his standards for me are […]
Reality is boring, Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress.
Although technology have been progressing rapidly nowadays, yet sadly in many aspects, Humanity/Mankind/Society still have slow progress; Everyday is still the same day & problems over and over again repeatedly.
I believe that in order to make a real progress for Humanity / Mankind, we must quickly focus & do the followings:
1) We must move beyond money & politics. It is outdated. A lot of problems in this world today basically stems from these two root causes (& also superstitions especially in religion, as well as in Ignorance & Stupidity due to failure in […]
March 19, 2018.
“I am a survivor of a loved one of suicide.” It’s been six months since the passing of my loved one and today I seen that quote and my heart was so heavy i needed somewhere to let it out.
I am the middle child of my broken family, below me I have a baby sister who is not such a baby anymore but a huge gap between my brother and i. Then, there was my older brother, one year, three months, seven days apart to be exact. Growing up everyone thought we were twins, which we hated but now i guess i understand […]
I still remember when I first found this page, and well, so many things have happened since then. When I look back at the past years, it gets blurry. I can remember some events, and it is hard to explain, but it’s like they are just there. I feel dissociated from them. And it is like I forget about them unless I am really thinking about them or I have one of my off days. I thought that I had gotten better at handling myself, and for a while, it was true. But this year, as well as the last months of last year, have […]
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