Today I feel lonely and depressed. I woke up and I don’t even know why I’m still here. I overthink about what happened and I can’t help but cry. I still miss that stupid asshole and my baby so much. I’m crying while typing this post. I feel that it’s all my fault. That thought haunts me. Plus, I don’t have friends IRL and therefore no one to talk to. My family doesn’t help me. If anything, they make me feel worse about myself. My mom won’t let me go out or do anything to alleviate the pain I’m feeling or at least distract myself […]
So, last few days been extremely hard. Like almost enough to end it all hard.
I stop at McDonald’s near work for a drink. She has it ready before I get inside. Seen me coming.
So for dinner, I stop at a McDonald’s out of state but a semi regular stopping point. They have my drink ready before I even order… and it’s free.
Point #1 I go to McDonald’s way too much
Point #3 I really feel like I’m “somebody” today. Now.
The first time I was like huh, that’s nice. The 2nd time I’m feeling all stupid and giddy.
So, to the girl at McDonald’s in Indiana […]
Today everything just seems that little bit more pointless. Hurrah for my screwy brain. In a few hours/days I’m sure I’ll be back in a state of delusional avoidance. But right now I just feel lost and empty.
I read a lot of posts by people who seem to be in their early years (teens, 20’s) and it makes me feel sad that so many young people feel so hopeless. I understand though – I reached that point too when I was in college, and if not for a quick-thinking friend who grabbed my shirt I would have “fallen” out a 19th story dorm window. That was in 1983.
But once I was past college and on my own two feet I’ve lead an OK life, so I’m glad I didn’t kill myself back then. I got to experience life on my own terms. Sometimes I […]
And I think it’s working. I don’t feel as bad, as bad I already do. I’m sad ofcourse and thats really all but I’m doing things. Keeping up brushing my teeth and trying to eat better. That’s it SP.
I sometimes wish to die even though I’m not depressed. I don’t want to sound psychopathic, but I guess I like the word death. I want to get away with this world. I hate myself. I’m fat, stupid, insane, selfish… I don’t actually know my real personality. It changes every time I feel different, or when the place changes. Please, don’t hate on me or something… This is my first post and my only place I can be me, maybe. I hope I can find my real self one day.
So today I found out that my older sister always talks badly about me when I’m gone because I spend money on my horses and sometimes when I have extra money I buy myself something I like. She constantly complains about me living at home (I just turned 20 and she’s 25 and living at home) and says if I would stop spending my money on my horses and others things I could save to move out. First of all, most of my money goes to paying off the college I went to, which she had to do for dropping out and she’s only just […]
Yeah so this community just seems established and I just kind of feel like I’m in the background with the right qualifications but not really fitting in. I don’t know why I even came here to begin with, I knew it wasn’t what I hoped it was but I stayed hoping, well I don’t even know what I was hoping for. I wouldn’t bother commenting on this either if I was you, I’ll be closing my browser after I publish this.
when it happened i was yielding
waiting waiting waiting
for someone to come i didnt know it yet
i didnt realize i was waiting grasping on to each breath like it was going to be my last
it happened so gradually i never once closed my eyes and shouted the word no
people take that as acceptance as if its such a black and white matter it is gray space and static it is no opposite there is no box holding me in or leaving me out
my hurt is not romantic nor is it happy hurt it is not hurt that i cry […]
All my life i have spent years hoping that things would turn out alright for once but it seems no matter what i do i always can’t get things right. I just don’t know where i belong in this world I’m not sure if i ave ever really belonged anywhere. sometimes i really just wish i wasn’t such a fuck up, that things went right for once.
i talked to my parents about me, about how i feel, and that i want to see a psychologist because i feel like i am dying inside but i wasnt strong enough to tell them that they were the reason, i feel this way because of them, i’ve figured it out. They are the ones fucking up my life and i hate it. i have figured that im completely happy when they are not around. But after i talked to them, it became worse, now they are all the time around, they dont even let me go to the freaking bathroom more than 3 m, […]
From really young people – teenagers – who are suicidal. There seems to be a theme in that most of them have parents who they feel don’t understand, support or love them. It’s so sad. And even worse that they feel like they can’t talk to their parents about how they feel.
In this world of materialism, I had somehow forgotten how important all that was. It had seemed like all they wanted was the latest iphone, and to be in the popular group at school. It kind of gives me new hope that I can actually be a positive influence in my kids lives, although […]
I am so tired of people continuously waking out of my life, only being there when it will make them feel better. I posted yesterday about the hell that I went through as far as being abused. It is the effects of the abuse that I have worked six hard years on getting past that keeps people walking out of my life like some kind of fucking revolving door.
I have worked so hard to get past every muscle in my body stiffing up and feel like I want to crawl out of my skin every time I am touched. Now days I can give someone […]
in South Africa, we have this zulu word that directly translated means peopleness. yet being in this world for 23 years I dont think such exists. u feel people dont truly care about others. I know im not making sense but just needed to vent.
i don’t know why, I just feel scared. Lonely. I’m alone.
Fuck! I hate this damn world.
I know that sometimes life is rough, and you feel that you can’t make it through the night or through the day. Some of us feel it necessary to drink or do drugs just to make it through. But I just want you to know that everyone is special, and that even though life doesn’t seem worth living, it’s best to keep going. There may be a nice surprise around the corner, and it’s just for you. I can’t tell you what it is, I don’t know what lies ahead, I don’t know if it’ll get worse before it gets better. But I know that […]
Reading people’s reasons for being on SP, I feel in comparison, that I have very little to complain about. My childhood was mostly a very happy and stable time in my life.
I realise now though that the insular life we led was because Mum and Dad were so in love, that they only needed each other and that was enough for them. This doesn’t mean I didn’t feel they loved me, I always knew that. It’s just I grew up with a sense of exclusion, of being judged and constantly found wanting and just not being good enough. After going through counselling, I […]
Just a thought, but does any one else feel the weight of your future, and notice how light it is? Do you feel like whatever lies in front of you will be so minuscule that it’s not really worth fighting for such a small success? I don’t know, call me a whiny ***** but I can’t really get my mind off of it lately. I guess I give off the same vibes as any other depressed, jobless sonofabitch. But I can’t say I blame me, or anyone else for feeling that way. When you get sucked into a state of depression, or are overpowered by your […]
I’m not gonna reveal my name, but you can call me Justin. I’m 13 and I’ve been secretly depressed since I was 12. My life is good as a whole, I have loving parents, and a loving brother (and family), but I still don’t feel loved. They don’t know I’m suicidal, but they might suspect it. I’m not asking for sympathy, but I have been thinking about suicide ever since I entered this new Catholic school. I am 95% convinced that I’m bisexual, and I’ve told some of my friends. They support my sexuality, but I need someone. Someone to love. Someone to hug. My […]