I just want to say thank you to a man who has been an incredibly positive, supportive person for me in the past week or so. You are the reason I woke up this morning and realized that I can be beautiful and intelligent and sexy and loved and wanted. Do you know, love, how long it has been since I felt like this? Wait, I never have heh. So thank you, sir ;), you know who you are, for your love, compliments, kind words and advice. I think I may forever be in your debt- and I’m ok with that 🙂 I hope you […]
Tag:
find
Insomnia has 4 syllables, 4 consonants, 4 vowels….it’s 4:00 in the morning, on a sunday…well, it’s a crying shame….not much left to do, but complain, of course…….I better find someone to blame….this insomnia will be the death of me……………it will
I’ve been close to the edge before, or at least felt it begin to close in on me.. At which point I would try to find some stronghold to pull myself back from. But right now, at this very second, I’m finding it hard to have any reason to stay. There is nothing left for me. There’s too much going on, but at the same time there’s nothing going on. Right now, a way out seems like the only viable option. The only good and reasonable option. The only option, really. I just can’t do it anymore, I simply can’t, and I don’t know if […]
I cant believe how many others are on here feeling as hopeless as I do. I’m all alone in the world and I cant seem to find anyone like me. Figures I’d have to want to kill myself to find like minded individuals. I’m sick of being kicked when I’m down. I’m ready to blow up, violence clouds my mind. i’ve been through alot in my life, more hardships than I care to share. I cant seem to catch a break. I have no one, nothing, I have so much love to give yet my heart is broken and no one cares. I’m done.
Just have to quickly rant about this. So I go through twitter for my job to find stuff to copy and tweet out for clients and I came across this bullshit story of how you can be a billionaire if you just work hard enough at it and want it bad enough. Of course it’s cis het white guy who got rich because he married rich. Yeah, that was his big break. He was born poor but he married a woman who’s family owned a big company. So he made something more out of that company. See, there’s the lie. You can work your ass […]
I guess I should start with introductions. I am a 14 year old girl in my Sophomore year of high school. I have hardly any friends, and I wouldn’t consider my blood family, family.
Last week I found out that one of my few friends only wanted to be my friends because he wanted to be with me. He has completely ignored my existence since a mutual friend told him I didn’t want to be with him. Now he is continually posting on Instagram about ‘not being loved’ and how ‘I suck at finding love’ and almost all of the posts are directed towards me.
Now I […]
The sensation that deprive your mind of any kind of goal oriented thinking and at the same time produce a will for getting rid of itself. The way it is felt is immense and it takes over other feelings much like an orgasm. Although momentarily but lasts its mark on your body, soul or your heart. Whenever you get reminded of your pain, of any time, you immediately know what is the feeling and how you would feel if to endure that pain again….But pain unfortunately has a habit of being recurrent. Normally brain would push the pain of the past to the farthest corners […]
What can i expect to find in Paradise….
i will be bored with such a contended life….
I will happily embrace Hell,
As it will still have a purpose, a hope.
I will wake-up ever day for a new punishment
With the hope that may be this is the day
When God will forgive me and this punishment will be over
And i know, i will never be forgiven;
And i know, i will never lose this hope
…..
But….It seems like i am already in hell; No?
And i have a hope that one day
i will wake up from this nightmare and
this […]
This just came to mind again. The other day, my mom contacted me again. It’s been a long time. I guess she only contacts me to tell me her woes. Several months ago was the first time she contacted me in over a year, since my grandma died. Then, she only wanted to tell me her husband died too and her last German Shepherd had to be put down. Then silence. Then out of nowhere, a few texts at 4am the other day, to tell me her last dog (that I knew) has cancer, and then to tell me she recently adopted 2 other adult […]
Hello, I’m M22.
I think I was a good kid in childhood. Studied well, played sports etc. But I was always sad. I never really had friends when I was young. I lived out of city and there were no other people except for my family. I hated the woods and I always thought I missed a lot in my life. The loneliness stayed with me. Also my parent were (and still are) fighting each other, a lot of violence stays in memories. At one point I started to hate my family.
The first time I had suicidal thoughts I think I was 16 or 17. I don’t even […]
Why do I feel nothing?
I just can’t find the energy or motivation for anything anymore, not even to cut.
Today has been painful.
Every time I came out of my darkened room the light made me ill within 5-10 minutes. Each time it happened I made my way back to bed, hardly able to walk. Talking to my mum made me ill. Every time we talked for five minutes I’d have to lie down, confused, with my body aching all over. Any sensory stimulation makes me worse. I think I could cope with all the physical effects of illness if I wasn’t already severely depressed, although the way it affects my brain feels unbearable.
All day I’ve been looking forward to the eclipse, but because of […]
I question myself everyday and wonder why I’m still here. I struggle with depression. Went from a really bad relationship to an even worst one. I feel lonely in this world and I can’t seem to find myself. At times I feel like I’m completely alone in this world. I feel betrayed by the ones I love the most. I question why is it that those people hurt us the most and don’t seem to care. I think I’m just going insane to the point were I want to commit suicide.
What the hell makes you think it’s okay to try to talk me out of suicide?
by ismedyl
written by ismedyl
In what world do you feel what I feel? NONE. I feel pain in my subconscious at a cellular level this feeling does not leave me I carry it around all day all week all month and all year. You have no right to tell me I have something to live for what the fuck do you know you don’t know what I deal with… How I feel. I’m broken I tried putting myself back together but it took superglue and it’s barely together and it looks like shit because that’s what I feel like… Shit I’m a good person I give money to hobos […]
You’ll find a rooftop to sing from
Or find a hallway to dance
You don’t need an edge to cling from
Your heart it’s there, it’s in your hands
I know it seems like forever
I know it seem like an age
But one day this will be over,
I swear it’s not so far away
-Florence and the Machine
Sorry, that was kind of random, but I think of this when I’m really down and thought maybe they could make someone feel a little better/
It turns out it does.
How the hell do people find any will to do anything, I don’t understand. One guy told me to “wake up”, I understand what he was saying and I agree with him but I just can’t find anything inside me that has even an iota of positive will.
I can’t understand how people are able to go about their daily lives, am I the only one as fucked as I am? Of course not.
I’ve started doing an online course in programming, to try and regain that lost knowledge I had a year ago but I’m supposed to move out of the house by […]
Its my day off. I woke up too early. I cried in bed for probably an hour. No shame in lying about that. I prayed, and I cried some more. I actually made myself breakfast today. But it happened to be in the after noon when I ate it. So I guess I can consider that brunch. I ate in bed… And have been there all day. It’s the place I feel most comfortable.
I feel very numb today. I feel as if I have given up the hope I was holding onto so dearly. Why? I don’t know. Nothing has changed. I tried to cheer […]
I have researched and read that jumping from a great height is the most effective method of suicide this side of shooting yourself with a shotgun. Yet I worry about the people who might find me: what if it’s some little kid who is then traumatized for life, because of what I did. That would be jacked up.
Spent the past weeks in hospital after yet another failed attempt at taking my life. I wanna turn my life around. Maybe it ain’t my time to go yet. I’m still going to give life another shot. Got a great job offer. Will start as soon as I leave the hospital.
Suicidal thougts still linger in my head but I made them my ally now. They are pretty managable. I still hope to work to earn enough money for a peaceful exit. But until then, there’s a lot of ass I gotta kick and there’s also a whole lot of ass to admire lol. 🙂 I […]
Waiting… for someone
Waiting… for some time
Waiting.. Waiting.. why?
Always waiting for things to ‘get better’
Time to ‘feel better’
Better has eluded me for 30 years now –
I think that 30 years is far too long to wait.
I just want to close my eyes and be gone.
Endless waiting vs. endless sleep?
I choose endless sleep
And just when you find a flicker of hope,
you realize all you saw, was a reflection in
the mirror, a glimmer now gone, so too is my resolve