So it’s actually a beautiful day today. The sun is shining and its actually warm outside. Everyone always seem to enjoy the sunshine. People are happier and less annoyed and it only makes me more irritated. It only reminds me more of how miserable I feel.
I cant even fucking smoke my weed because every one of my neighbours are outside. And if I just go outside and leave the house for a few minutes my mom will ask me what I was doing. Where do you go for 5 minutes but you need to leave the house? Also since I couldnt smoke all day […]
Tag:
Fucking
I listened. I broke it off with my cousin. I couldn’t sleep at night, had many panic attacks. This is very problematic. I think I made a mistake. She probably hates me now, well at least I will get a psychiatrist sometime soon. I just texted her and she hasn’t answered, anxiety is coming back at school. Never had a public panic attack. I’m worried.ÂÂ
I think i fucked up bad, breaking up with jasmine. She’s my cousin but these intense feelings are real, as real as pain, and until they go away, then I still feel love for her. Mot just plain lust. Yeah, she […]
Im just so fucking scared that I will fail. I dont want to fail. And since I’m one of the worlds biggest failures there’s a big possibility that I will.
i have been thinking,i know im to smart for my own good,i woulda never survived through the shit i did if i didnt know how to save my self from dieing of in my case anything,my life is shit,i live hours away from anyone im related to , and they are the shittiest people, the ones that abused me, starved me treated me inhumane till i was 17 wen i was finally taking away perminetly,still haveing attatchment issues and trust issues,vulnerable and always ran into someone that would say they care but hurt me and brake every promis possible,untill i realized, i dont have a […]
For a week I was able to stay away from thoughts of suicide and I was able to keep myself busy enough to barely notice my sadness. But that all came crashing down yesterday before resulting in this strange mixture of apathy and sadness I feel right now.
I hate feeling nothing.
Feeling nothing is as bad as feeling massively miserable, if not worse due to the guilt that goes with not giving a shit about stuff you know you should give a shit about.
I have important exams this year, it less than a fortnight’s time but I have yet to make myself care enough to study […]
i follow every single rule in place for me, why can i get out of the fucking system? then you get these lucky bitches who get off and they are in no shape or place to be and they go and do drugs or illigal shit,while im working my ass off, i want to run far away,but the only people that would even look for me is the cops,im 21 years old,i feel like a slave, slaves had to fight for there freedom to and thats exactly what im doing,i want so much in life that the average person that walksd past me gets, that […]
What will it take to show you that it’s not the life it seems (I’m not O.K)….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
I told him, about my thoughts. Naturally he didn’t want me to do it. He just surprised me with his kindness.
So… Anyway. Life is shit. Only 21 days now? sweet, I can’t fucking wait. I’m sick of this life and this family and all of the arguements. My brother is a selfish prick, my sister is a *****, My mum just fucks me off all the time… And my dad. Bless him, trying to help but really, he was just making things worse. He shouldn’t blame himself though. I have found out how to cause bruises! 😀 which is amazing as they are easy to […]
Everything about me, all that is, is just a big metaphor =]ÂÂ
Because I am a Loony, So damn Loony! I got engulfed in the dark flames that got created within my life. And I love it!
I will never die, I WILL NEVER DIE! I post on here often about me dying, it is a metaphor! I die, very often, almost everyday, everytime I see that damn face, and that damn picture on the wall, I DIE. But I will never die!
I hate HATE, so that makes me a hypocrite, I hate LOVE but love LOVE. I Hate Anger but Love it! I am just all […]
I don’t know anymore what I want to do, what I want do be, how to be good. I’m 20, close to 21 and I am just so full of problems. Social inadept, habitual liar (to others and myself), a huge range of food allergies, a bad a student that failing all his classes, and top it all of a plain retarded asshat with problems with his sexuality. I really fucking hate myself these days, for one I’m failing all my classes and I can’t myself to anything about it, when I sit down to do the work my mind goes blank and I can’t […]
Hi, im brand new to this forum , i’ll guess i will try and get this out.
i tried to kill myself two weeks ago, i got put in hospital ,but now i want to try again,i am desperate to die. Attempting has only made me realize i am strong enough to do it again without failing this time. I am at a loss for words , i am so fucking depressed. i have nothing to live for. i need an end to this.
I’m crazy, I must be crazy. Out of the blue I took a pen and sticky note and wrote “Hey, I like you. and this is crazy, but here’s my love note, so prom….maybe?” on it, then stuck it to the locker of the girl I want to ask out to prom. WHY DID I DO THAT?
I don’t know what to think, but I did it, it’s done, and nobody can erase it now…unless I somehow get to her locker before she does, open it up, take it off, and hide it before anyone can see? But that won’t work. No. I have to get […]
I’ve been through a ton of things lately, right now I’m really depressed and I just wanna throw it out there since no one else will listen, I fucking hate where I’m at and I want to go back home I’m on the east side of the country and I belong on the west. Not gang related, just two different sides of the World and I belong on one, not in between, not on the East, but on the West. I messed up, I did drugs, I disrespected myself I disrespected the people I lived with when I lived in the West. I became manic […]
All I want to hear from you is that I’m nothing to you. I want to hear you say that you don’t feel anything towards me, instead of being so damn afraid to talk about it. Just get it out there so that I can hate you instead of being so in love that it hurts all the time. Let me move on from you, that’s all I want.
And I want to tell you that you saved me, that you’re the only person who could’ve saved me, and that I would’ve been roadkill if you hadn’t forced me into your car. You don’t even know […]
i cant sleep, its not working! its like 4 am where i am and I CANNOT FUCKING REST IN THE SLIGHTEST OF FASHIONS. you would think after having insomnia fro 4 years i would know how to deal with it, but i dont i just get angry and frustrated then waste my days in a fuzzy, sleep deprived blur. people complain about missing one or two nights sleep and im just there being like ‘dude nto only did i cut myself and consider suicide last night but i havent slept properly in over a week’. and when i do sleep.. bad things very bad things […]
ive taken to cutting myself so thats good. ive been doing it for almost 4 weeks exactly, my once spotless arm is quite impressively scarred now. no ones said anything though i mean seriously one of your best friends comes into school with giant scratches up and down her arm and you dont say anything? what is wrong with these people. and in my uniform my arms are never covered and i see all the random people in my class looking at my cuts and just being like ‘are those really..? but shes such a happy innocent person’. only one person out of at least […]
I tried to kill myself two nights ago. Not seriously, I suppose.
I got preposterously drunk and slit my wrists. But I woke up, and now I’m not so sure if I’m alive or not.
This is a test, sort of. A form of existential validation, my fingerprint against the window.
So don’t say that you love me. Don’t hold me.
I’m an alcoholic. I’m lonely as fuck. I don’t have a job. I barely have a mind.
My mum tried to drown me in the bath when I was a kid. My dad left when I was six. But I’ve never seen war, I’ve never lost a limb or […]
Yeah 2 posts in, how much? 3 days? maybe it’s just 2. This is kinda sad. Cause I mean, the thing that I’m writing here, in a language which is not even mine, makes me realise how damn lonely I am here and, well, to feel so lonely to decide to write on a web site twice in 3 days or something it’s kinda depressing. As if I wasn’t depressed even before. But, as always, I’m fucking procastinating.
And the thing is that I’m fucking procastinating cause I don’t wanna get to the point. Cause the point has been just in front of my eyes for days […]
I think I want the world to end.
I want the whole Mayan calender 12/21/12 thing to be true.
If the world does end then, that’s a week before my 17th.
I can’t ever imagine myself being older that I am now, is that a sign?
I feel so selfish for wanting the world to end.
But that is what I want.
I want to wake up one day but not wake up the next.
But I can’t do it for myself.
Because that would destroy my family.
Also, I’m far too stubborn to give up on life.
It makes me laugh that my stubbornness is basically what’s keeping me alive.
What does that say about […]
I’m so tired. I tell everyone I’m tired and they say I’m not being honest about the real issues. But they don’t understand how tired I really am. I’m tired in every sense of the word. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally tired. I’m trying to decide whether or not life is meaningless. I don’t know if that would just be a selfish method of self protection or if it is a valid thought. But I’ve been trying to assign meaning to it thinking that the world is a better place and my life will be more enjoyable if it is meaningful. But this is so damn […]
Getting fucking sick of all these people; Lets give them an answer
“I don’t understand why you would want to cut yourself”
’cause it fucking feels good and i love the sight of my own blood
“You’ll regret those scars”
No i fucking won’t. I want more. I think they are beautiful!
“You are only doing this for attention”
I hate this one the most. If you honestly think i’m doing it for attention, why did you find out TWO years after i started and that was only after i TOLD you ’cause i had a cut that was really infected because it was huge.
Fuck wit. […]