i deserve every inch of pain i’m getting, i’m a worthless peace of fuck and i’m too much work, i just bring the ones i love down, i make them hate me. but i deserve it. they need better than me. how could anyone love someone who doesn’t love themselves.
If things were different would you love me ??
If things were different would you not be ashamed of me??
I ask to many questions
I am too unsure
I hate myself
I am ugly
I am not what you want
I am flawed
I am too different
I am easily hurt
I love you
My mind isn’t always the happiest of places, even when I try to stay positive. I literally spend my days skipping around, humming happy songs, telling people “everything is great!” telling people to stay strong.
By the time everyone is in bed though, I feel rather hypocritical.
My mind barely lets me rest, it reminds me of everything happening; everything that has happened in the past. Even with all the time that has passed, things still get to me. They’re like little demons just trying to tear me apart from the inside out.
I think of what my cousin did, and have to get up and take an […]
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my thoughts are exhausting me and I don’t have the strength to function properly to get through this day. But I can’t skip this day either, I have an important dance showing I have to attend and I have to figure out how to get up enough courage to fake that I’m okay during the time I have to be around people. I’m already skipping two classes right now, and I had to leave half way through my dance class this morning because I couldn’t stop crying long enough to dance. I failed my Dance History exam and I’m starting to get really discouraged again, […]
I am so confused. Why do i constantly think things will get better. I swear i will never think like that again. What’s the point??? I hate me…so i know you hate me. No surprise. Fuck this shit. Fuck trying.
i dont know what to do anymore, i say that alot because i dont. i want to give up but for some reason i cant. i cant move forward because there are so many things in the way, its like walking threw a brick wall. im stuck, and no matter what i do i cant be help because no one wants to. im alone. i think im in hell. is there an age where its inappropriate to cry, because when i do i eather piss people off or they start making fun of me. is that a bad thing now or is it just the […]
Ugh. Where do I start? My life is a total cesspool (sorry if incorrect spelling) filled with empty promises, hopelessness, fear, regret, grief, and lies. Why do so many people hate me? What did I do? If the ignorant douchebags in my life don’t give a crap about me, well, they will when Im dead. If i could see the consequences of my death, i would love too. I would like to see how everybody reacts. They probably wouldn’t care. Everybody already only cares about themselves. I am scheduling a date to take myself out. Should I? Or should I forgive the god awful people […]
The girl that hides all behind a mask.
Fakes smiles and laughs when she gets hit and falls to the ground.
Telling her self its ok because one day she will be free.
But late at night crying and cutting her wrists to shit .
She ends up laying down and watches the blood leak from her wrists and wispers why me.
Why am I hated so much? It’s realy hard to breath in this fucked up world .
Why do guys hit me is it because I am nothing ?
Why dose my father hate me so much why cant he leave me be .
He tortured me abused me […]
The world seems to hate me nowadays. My mom andd dad were divorced when I was five and and then my world turned upside down when my lazy ass stepmom moved in. I had to learn how to take care of myself and my brother with no help, and now I’m 15 and have had to be in the hospital three times already. It’s not like I want to cut, but no matter how hard I try, I alway end up hidden behind long sleeves as bandages on my wrists. I cut myself a few minutes ago, and I’m really thinking about ending it. It all […]
I never believed when people said cutting was an addiction. But now it’s just not enough. I used to do baby cuts – just little ones – but a few of them at a time. They were small enough to go unnoticed even though I still wear short sleeved clothes. I didn’t want anything to be too obvious to people, but recently I’m noticing the are getting more inflamed and irritated – it kinda stands out too much.
Also I’ll admit I was scared of the pain. Initially that tiny pinprick was enough, but now it doesn’t hurt ENOUGH anymore. I want to cut deeper, but […]
I think you hate me I’m sorry
I hurt you I am sorry
I know you hate me and you hate me and hate me a lot
I know you want me to die yes I will
sorry
I know you hate me sorry for being such an irritating *****
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
I just had a massive fight with my family. Its my finals week and last terms finals week my dad asked me if I could stay at someone else’s house. This time I asked my dad “is your offer still valid” and he said yes. I was packing and my mother came and started screaming. She said i humiliated her in every term of my life and told me to fuck off. We are always fighting and they are always saying bad words. Okay I accept that I am a pain in the ass when it comes to school but thats too much for me. […]
So, I know I’m a terrible person to people I honestly hate, but as for the people who I try to be nice to and care for… WHY CAN’T YOU SPEND FIVE FUCKING MINUTES WITH ME. I really don’t understand how hard it is just to get off an Xbox, or take a few minutes after you get off work, or a simple moment when you get out of school just to talk to me or hang out with me. I mean…. I actually TRIED with you. Even after I gave up on everyone else, I stuck with YOU. Not him or her, not the […]
So at work yesterday just before I left for my other job, my mom tries to reach me after not speaking for over a year since her mom (my grandmother) passed away. Ultimately she said she had been afraid to tell me sooner, was sorry for her mistakes, and doesn’t believe anymore that I stole anything. Her husband (not my dad btw) passed away suddenly last fall and her last dog has been sick for a year and will be put down today. I feel bad for her and she feels bad for what I’ve been through too. I also braved it and asked the […]
I’m here. I’m with a man that I love, but idk how much he loves me. I’m still here, but he needs me for work. I know he could do it by himself, but it’s easier with two, and he wouldn’t have to pay a helper/assistant. Sometimes he acts like he really loves me. Sometimes he’s a monster. Says I have alot of making up to do. I was a horrible drunk for our first year together, so now I have to suffer. We haven’t had sex in over a year. This blows my mind. He’s amazing in that way, but now we […]
Yes its true, we made a vow
For better or for worse
You want my heart I’ll cut it out
And throw my veins in the dirt
For years and years I’ve kept my vows
Up until today
We both know its over now
But for my children I will stay
You say you hate me
‘Cause you think that you know what I’ve done
But its all crazy
knowing that she’s truely the one
I’ll listen to what you have to say
Just cut out my eyes
When you speak I hear her voice
Although my vision cannot lie
You say you hate me
‘Cause you think that […]
When trust is just out of reach
And the soles of your shoes have worn from your feet
When you begin to accept defeat
I Will fight for you.
When day transcends to night
And the darkness has extinguished all light
When nothing ever feels right
I will fight for you.
If you decide to hate me
If you find that I’m disgusting
If you’re scared of what I’m thinking
I will fight for you
Because Trust still illudes me
Vulnerability is terrifying
And I know it hurts to breathe
I will fight […]
i’m so done with life. i have been for a very long time now. thing is i don’t have the guts to do myself in. i wish i did, then my suffering would have been over a very long time ago. i’ve had people, family who were supposed to love me, tell me that they hate me and hope i die. well good for them. i’ve ceased to matter to anyone and i don’t care anymore. i want to be out of here, not because they want me to be, but because i want to be. fuck all the rest. if only i had the […]
To be fair I hate my self just as much as you hate me… I don’t need a fucking reminder of why I disappoint everyone and why I am nothing but trash… Treat me like the most vile disgusting creature on the face of this universe because I have no soul left. You’ve taken the last little but I didn’t even know I had… FUCK YOU!!!!
FUCK ALL OF YOU!