It took all i had to make this. I couldn’t be any more proud. Days are still hard but I’m happy I reached this point.
When I see you smile,
And hold your hand
I feel blesses, so full of soul.But inside my chestI’m bleeding,
From a cavernous, heart-shaped hole.
When you hold me tight it feels like flying,
When you kiss me softly I feel like crying.
I seem okay, but inside I’m dying.
For you have my soul, my dying breath.
Whilst cling to only memories left.
from when it hurt us both to part,
From when you held me in your heart.
On the surface all I have is passion.
But beneath the mask is pain.
And every time I fell renewed,
I’m plunged into sorrow again.
Each day is painful to live.
And I have nothing left to give.
The blue skies darken […]
Yesterday on my way to work i passed a man. He was looking up and chanting, probably praying, Â his hand was reached out. I pulled out my wallet and took some money out, returned and gave it to the man, when i looked in to his eyes, i understood that he is blind. My heart broke. I admire him, he keeps on living…. then i started to wonder why? How do all these people take it? Why wont they end it?
The human lives when he is loved, the human lives when he desires… but when that is lost. All that is left is the instinct […]
In darkness of the night
I spied him in a tree
Sat I froze by the sight
He was looking at me
The summer’s heat became a chill
The angel of death at his kill
My heart skipped with the fright
Blinked my eyes to bet’r see
Glanced back with all my might
Parted he my comp’ny
My chest was quickly pounding still
The angel of death at his kill
I did rise and take flight
The fear made me to flee
From darkness into light
To free captivity
Unbinding my soul from his will
The angel of death at his kill
Many years since that night
Gazed […]
A doll, with a painted smiled and cheerful eyes.
She wants to be heard, to scream and let that smile fall. But she can’t. She wasn’t made to do that.
The people around her wouldn’t be pleased. Her image of perfection cannot fall.
So much hidden, deep within and she keeps it close to her heart.
Silent cries and pleads to be free. From her inner demons, but no one’s willing to help.
To save this girl; save her from herself.
They expect her to buck up and deal with it, “that’s life”.
My heart needs refuge, my mind needs silence and my hands, my hands always empty, wishing one day they can enjoy the taste of affection.
I watch their hands interlock and I wonder if my hands are too small or too ugly to be held. Always cold, always lonely are the knots in my fingers making it impossible for them to properly fit. Do the deep honest lines cut like razors too close to your skin. I wonder, I wonder about all the moments they’ve spent lifeless and confused.
I place my heart in a jar and my mind just needs medication but […]
it seeps into your heart, your mind, your soul wrecking your body everywhere it goes.
i cant take the time to stop and think where am i going? Who is gonna help me?
you wake up in the middle of the night and your dreams scare you right out of your bed.
How do i get out of this?
You take a knife and you just cut because after you do it sends shivers of warm fuzzy tingles throughout your senses.
it leaves you shivering with ecstasy
You wish someone would help you but all they can say is are you okay?
How do they […]
Today I attended the funeral of a family friend, she was 22 years young and she had taken her own life on the 8th of august. I didn’t know her very well, but anyone could see she was very naturally beautiful with a contagious smile and an infectious laugh.
She was well known and well loved by so many people, all I’ve heard is how amazing she is, how she was free-spirited, selfless, caring and kind. I heard how much she loved people, music and how devoted she was to her family and friends.
I heard she was a beautiful, bubbly, spiritual and loving young […]
I promised I won’t do it, so instead I live this torture… knowing I’m unlovable, knowing that I will never understand things the way they should be understood. I’m supposed to pretend everything is ok and my positive outlook will suddenly transform into a positive life… it hasn’t happened yet, so why should I believe it to be true. I don’t want anything anymore, no dreams, no aspirations… when I make promises, I keep them. Once again, I’ve lost nearly everything I hold close to my heart. I don’t want to keep going on like this… but I will, […]
It’s been such a long time
Since I’ve felt this stinging sensation
Of ice cold metal and lurid fascination.
Deep down inside, I know it’s wrong of me.
But you don’t see, and that’s okay.
Where do you go from here?
When there’s nowhere to go but down.
Lost within the confines of your mind.
Oh sweet insecurities and deafening possibilities
Of how everything could end…
How would you say goodbye?
To the ones who stood by your side,
Who you thought always hated you
And left you with your crippled self?
How would feel on the day
What more do you have left to say?
The […]
Has anyone ever kept years worth of emotion bottled up to the point where you’re afraid to release it anymore? to the point that you feel every ounce of rage you can muster suddenly flare whenever the slightest thing irritates you?
This is my third post. It’s been a couple weeks since my last and I’ve gotten a bit better; my first two posts would’ve persuaded any psychiatrist I was ready and willing to commit suicide. I’ve gotten better. Things have started looking up a bit. But that pain still lingers. And with it, an anger I can’t even begin to describe. All my life I’ve […]
My dad asked me why I was depressed. I cried and walked away. I’m not sure if I cried because there are so many things that I could never tell him without breaking his heart, or the fact that someone in my family is finally starting to notice that something is wrong with me.
DON’T YOU DARE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJxgrSCZJ1s
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother, father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will […]
You messed with my heart.
I can no longer be your friend.
You say your sorry, but your not… You’re only saying those things for her.
She cares, Â she’s my friend.
She knows you hurt me. Â So she told you to say sorry.
You say you’re cruel but I don’t think so. You were so nice.
But I have to say goodbye.
My hands are shaking. My heart is breaking. I know I’ve lost you. You say I’ve moved on but I know I haven’t. I’m just not okay. I’m not happy. I’m not.. ANYTHING. I have my rope, waiting to slip around my neck and for me to take that plunge.. And I feel numb. Nothing. I know I hate myself. I know a lot of things. But nothing compares to the knowledge of my love for you. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s the truth. You are my soul mate and I will die without you. I can’t talk to you because you freak […]
I love her because she’s perfect. Contrary to popular belief she is absolutely perfect. From the way her hair looks in the morning to the way her feet are always warm, she is perfect. I love her for being that person who looks into my eyes – who reaches into my soul to bring out the hope and happiness. I love her for the way seeing her smile, can bring tears into my eyes. I love her for her heart and how it’s big, compassionate and kind. I love her for her soul, which everyday shines brighter and brighter through her eyes. I love her […]
Trying to kill myself was the best thing that could’ve happened. Because if I hadn’t tried to and if I hadn’t failed, I wouldn’t feel the urge to change how I felt and I wouldn’t have gone to Four Winds. It was tricky, I had just enough of the Nortatryptaline to go into coma but I just ended sleeping for a straight 48 hours. I then didn’t leave my house for an entire week and was drinking so much, I decided physical pain would have been the answer to everything. I cut the word help into my arm and cried myself to sleep that night. […]
This is my second post. today hadn’t been that good. I’ve been floating in and out of sadness and depression. I’ve begun considering going to see a psychiatrist for my problems; hopefully they’ll be able to answer some of my questions because… I don’t understand this…
Each night I go to sleep, hoping I won’t wake up. During the night I wake and watch the shadows drift around me and beg God to never let it end, to just let those shadows stay forever and take me away into the darkness. Then when the sun rises I’m still breathing and I curse my own being. Getting […]
This is the first time I’ve ever publically posted/said that I am in as much pain as I am. I’ve hidden it for years, even when I was a young teen. When I was little I thought everybody had bad days like mine: times when the world looked grey, when even speaking was difficult, when my soul felt sucked from me. I’m too afraid to truly come out and tell anyone around me how I really feel. They’ll all just say “Just put on a smile and look on the bright side” or “It’ll be okay, just buck up”. Can’t anyone see that I can’t […]