I stood outside the window as the wind and cold played its part in making me numb enough to watch him cheat. I had just gotten home after I had been in the hospital for 2 weeks, and had gone to visit him to see what project had kept him busy enough to only allow him the time to see his ill girlfriend once during her time in the hospital.
I heard her moaning as I approached the door, and naturally I had to see with my own eyes, so I peered into the window with the slit in the curtains.
It was her, a […]
Tag:
Hell
I said things where better and I thought they where. I was wrong though. just hours after my last post all hell broke loose. My dad went crazy he got mad at me and he threw me on my bed and was shaking me and hitting me and I screamed that I hated him. he grabbed me and dragged me head first off my bed and slammed me to the floor. He saw my mom at the store and he told me that she didn’t want me. Nobody wants me anymore… My family has abandoned me…and I don’t know what to do.
The only reason I am awake […]
I have fought severe depression and schizophrenia for a number of years. I go through bad times and then I can suffer through hell for months to a year or so at a time. As I write this I am in a downer period, voices constantly abuse me and tell me to kill myself and hallucinations frighten the absolute shit out of me to the point where I am screaming for help and crying my eyes out. I have had a number of suicide attempts but have been interrupted because of being on constant suicide watch. I did however have 2 very close attempts, on […]
When I go to sleep.. I still want death to wrap me up in its arms. When I wake up.. I’m still sad that it hasn’t. I’m just fooling myself with the thoughts of being happy when I know I’m not. Life still seems off track. My tears are yet again full of sadness.. And hatred that I’ve only been placed here to suffer.. For my face to fade out and only plastic replacing it. For my cries to go unheard.. And my pain to go unseen. My mind can’t take this And I’m getting physically tired from this. I want to escape from the […]
Hi, my name is Tatyana, people call me tatty. As I was growing up everything seemed normal, mom always thought I had ADHD and everyone else said I was normal. But I wasn’t. My mom met the man ad her dreams, so she thought. He was nice, to her. Me.. Well he’d beat the hell out of me. He’s make me bleed, he smashed me so hard he got my blood on the wall and on my bed, I was only 5 years old. I’ve been in 8 foster homes. They were all horrible. Tryed killing myself when I was 7 I over dosed on […]
I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
And there ain’t no healing
From cuttin’ yourself with the jagged edge
I’m tellin’ you that it’s never that bad
And take it from someone who’s been where your at
You’re laid out on the floor and you’re not sure
You can take this anymore
So just give it one more try
With a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I’m reachin’ out to let you know
That you’re not alone
And you can’t tell, I’m scared as hell
‘Cause I can’t get you on the telephone
I really love you all. I don’t know any of you but just because that we all here got about the same thoughts makes me love every single person here even more.
I’ve lost hope in god but i really wish that there is a heaven. Were everyone can be happy without any misery.
But sadly, there is no belief without a hell, punishment or fear. I want a belief that’s only based of love.
Depression is a sickness. Many people don’t even realize or agree but please the first step is professional help. I really wish i could help every single person here but sadly, i can’t even help myself.
Big love for you all there.
I’ve always gone back, to the place where I once sat and cried. I can remember the pain, watching all the little kids play and me just sitting there and wanting one to come over and ask if I would like to play with them. I remember when I sat on the swing and watch the girls play jump-rope and the boys played one their game-boys. I remember being alone. It hurt everyday, and everyday even more rage would full me up inside because I wouldn’t eat anything. I remember hating myself and wishing I could start over or die. It didn’t help that […]
I have felt little to no emotion as of late. I am confused. Possibly insane. Nothing in this world, nothing, I cannot understand. Try as I might, I cannot figure out my way out of my corner. The maze in my head. This is my DARK ABYSS. I guess. Shannon being dead couldn’t be registered emotionally, I could feel no emotions. If this is numbness, then holy shit thats awesome since I feel absolutely nothing anymore. It makes me so confused though.
Where the hell am I. My flashlight left me. Flashlight where’d you go. It’s dark and lonely. (Just a random thought in my head.)
Well, […]
Alone In This Cruel World That So Many People Call Home While My Thoughts Brutally Attack Themselves
by Miss.Mayhem
written by Miss.Mayhem
I’ve attempted to write my suicide note. Or notes I should say. I’m not even done with the one to my love. It’s like 4 pages long already and not even close to being finished. Do I know if I’m going to commit suicide? No. I just want everything ready for when and if it does happen. I see it being a 30 to 70%. 30% being I won’t attempted it. The other 70% is I will. Probably not now but latter.
Tomorrow and Thanksgiving and I’m not sure what to be thankful for. My family resents me. My friends will eventually turn their backs on me. What’s […]
Just want to say to all who is in hard time at the moment, STAY STRONG, you were born to make a diference in this world.
You are just so much better than those people or things that upset you, who ignoring you, who or what makes you scared… There are people who love you and who DO care for you, they may be near, or you’ll meet them later in your life (you sure will), and they need you. Think about them. Do not be selfish. You are wonderful, beautiful and this world needs you!
Believe in yourself! I DO!
Read some books, look for answers, talk to somebody, look in to yourself, try […]
I guess I didn’t notice I loved you until you held my hand. I didn’t know you loved me until my friend told me what you said. But you don’t know me. You know me….but you really don’t. You think I’m perfect because that’s how I display myself. I make sure I smile and laugh. I make sure not to show any emotion I would regret latter. You just think you love me. You don’t, truth me. Once you find out, you’ll change your mind…they all do.
But if you want to know the truth, fine:
Yes, I do have scars I hide.
No, I’m not the girl […]
I found myself writing earlier today in a notebook in the freezing cold as I waited for the bus to that would take me to work… The only reason I decided to write was so I could remember everything that was passing through my mind at the time. Reading back over it now, I’m steadily losing the will to fight with myself anymore again. I’m tired… I want to sleep and just not wake up… I know I don’t deserve that; it’s too easy, too peaceful…
I have a family I support solely, children I want to raise and a decent job by most standards, and […]
Someone I’ve loved since the moment I’ve ever talked to them is slipping away. The sad part is I’m letting him. I can’t do anything about him not loving me anymore. I’ve fought for him for 9 months, if not more. I’m done. I can’t keep waiting on him to realize if I’m what he wants or not. I haven’t talked to him since Thursday. He says he cares and would do anything for me but I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know if it was love or lust. Maybe neither Maybe all of it was just a big joke, but I just can’t take it anymore. The […]
Oh how I’d love to die. I really would. To just escape this reality, and “get out of this labyrinth of suffering”, for anyone who has ever read that book. But I wonder, what happens when you die? If there is a hell, I surely don’t want to end up there. I’d rather be on this earth, than be eternally scorched in flames. But if it’s not real, I’d love to die. I wish I knew for sure…
I’ve never been a person who believes in the supernatural but there’s one curse I truly believe in which is my own life, or should I say, my family and I. This is my first post on here so I’ll make this relatively brief but from my outlook my family is cursed and I’m the one worst off. Mother and father divorced at age 3/4, sister in foster care by age 8/9 after serious drug problems causing mental health issues. My mother and uncle dont talk to one another any more after my uncle decided to believe a bunch of lies his wife said about […]
What a great site this is, it has given hope to me even though its been fleeting at times.
I think I’m finally at the end of the road, not by choice, yet I’m certain I have been backed into a corner for the last time.
I could packup and leave right know, yet where would I go ? I can only travel so far, to so many different places on the map, state to state far reachs of the US mainland, yet I have to use an ATM card to access my money every month which leaves a picture and a data trail as to […]
I hope I can survive this hell.. Every day of my life I’m put through this.. Sometimes I wake up and wonder why? Why me? Why today? Why again?
It’s like it’s happening over and over.. A never ending cycle.. Every day the same..
I wake up and know that it will be the same as the day before..
What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I stop this cycle?
I don’t want to see anyone go through the hell i had to. I want to help.
by Daydreamer
written by Daydreamer
I am an 18 year old boy graduated from high school not too long ago. My first suicide attempt was after the first semester of Sophomore year. Drank half a bottle of rat poison because i was too chicken to hang myself. I never felt so alone as i did then. I was a ghost, my friends would talk to me but they didn’t care about me. They tried, but they never got me. The people who i loved the most my friends my family, it felt like i was nothing to them. Wen’t walking around everywhere with a hole in my heart wanting something […]
I never thought it would come to this. Feeling sad and alone, sitting here looking at what I have done, and all that I know I will do. I think about suicide every day. I just look around and think ” If I jumped off that building, I would probably die.” Or ” If I open the car door and jump, I’ll be roadkill.” It’s constant. I have scars. I have tears. But most people around here don’t really understand. If I told my parents they would freak out. If I committed suicide then my siblings, they might blame themselves.  I’m at a dead end road, […]