Finally done with a horrible relationship and most of the pain that came with it. There are days when I still can’t believe that it has happened and that I am where I am. I am jealous that he has good things and I don’t I constantly compare my life to his. He was a horrible person and yet he has managed to move on find someone who accepts him and cares about him, has good friends, everything I want. I am a better person than him I feel like I deserve those small things more than he does and it is unfair. Someone told […]
I find it so difficult to exist, to be.
Am I the only one that feels existence is horrible? That to exist is too much. That the possibility of being trapped in eternity existing is so overwhelming that I can’t breath.
I can’t run away from existence, I am even petrified that when I kill myself I will still be trapped in existence. One is so powerless and out of control. Just trapped for all eternity if eternity exists. Unable to get away from being. Unable to not be. I wish it could all stop. I can stop. Just an end. Nothing more, nothing less. Just stop
Break me down. Please. Disect me. Cut me open. Just tell me what’s wrong with me. I’ll give you all of the tools if you can just look inside. I’m down on my knees begging you to tell me what’s wrong with my mind. Why am I like this? Why do I want these horrible things? I don’t want to be your burden. But I wouldn’t mind being your little science project. I don’t want the drugs. I don’t want the alcohol. […]
I’ve just realised something today. Something truly horrible. To me at least.
In nearly 5 months the only people I have seen are my family. Literally the only people I’ve interacted with are the four members of my family.
5 months ago I probably saw 20 different people a day.
It’s funny how things change.
I guess that my mum’s depression and the suicide of his boyfriend made me learn a lot this past two years.
I know that everyone always say it, but you know it’s true: you need to look for help. Just tell someone what you are going through, call somebody when you have a crisis. They won’t make everything disappear, they won’t be there forever and they won’t probably fix anything, but having someone holding you in the worse moments does help a lot.
Depression tends to take us away from other people. We disappear of their lives and then we feel afraid or ashamed to call […]
I should be working on the first part of my huge Payroll Accounting project; I’m working on my will, instead. I should be listening to music and immersed in the challenge of putting the numbers together and getting them to make sense; I’m sitting in silence and thinking about taking a nap so I don’t have to feel for a little bit. I should be be functional, happy, and loved; I’m broken, miserable, and unwanted. Horrible timing, really, it was on figuring out that, for me, love is unconditional. It’s not “I’ll only love you if…”, it’s just “I love you.” […]
My ex boyfriend and I broke up 9 months ago, it feels like it happened just last week. How easily he could move on, just left me there waiting for him. He wasn’t man enough to tell me he had found someone else, instead he led me on thinking that we were still on a “break”… Having to find the truth out myself was so heart wrenching, would not ever comprehend why he could not be upfront about it. Months and months pass and he will come back looking for a friendship not knowing i was still in love with him, having to see him […]
my head hurts. i’m very depressed. i feel that fog descending on me again…
it’s 7:07 pm and i want out of this life. i want to be gone. i know it’s probably wrong of me to feel this way… i must be pretty selfish to even consider it. many people would tell me so… i mean, what about my family, right?? especially my mom… she would be wrecked if i did this to her… i am her ‘rock’, her only support. but, at the same time, i cannot help it. i feel this pull, this urge to go… i want so badly to go… […]
I snapped at my step mom today and I feel like a total ass. It was for something so minor I don’t even know why I did it.
I just feel so guilty all the time for everything. I feel guilty for taking up space for living.
I just don’t deserve it. I’m such a horrible fucked up person. My “friends” who were once my biggest supporters turned against me and started saying these horrible things about me. I believe them. I hate myself so its easier to believe the bad over the good. I can’t take compliments.
I’m sorry this is so long. I hope you’re having […]
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I often read fanfiction about my davorite band members. I noticed a lot of people would get upset because they “romanticize” suicide, depression, selfharm, disorders, and so on. Yet, I never looked at it that way. I would always think of it as a way that it gave me hope that eventually some one would accept me the way these members would in the stories. Sadly, I can never say that out loud or express my opinion about it because I’d immediately get attacked online or whatever that i’m this horrible person for thinking that way […]
Can I do this? Can I keep on pretending that everything is alright when it’s not? Life is to hard to even carry on and yes I am a teenager but not with a young mind I know life is hard I know there will be struggles but when you have no-one beside you to help you through those struggles it gets tough and horrible like you can’t do anything good like your always in the wrong. Which possibly could be true that I can’t do anything right however if their not related to me why should they have the power of judging me by […]
I hate to be a pest but I’m going to have to extent my unrequited love story to reflect on the loss of losing something you worked so hard for. Friendship is a very transitional thing. My experience with friendship is that it’s organic and eventually just dies. People either move away or they stop associating with you – you just become a lost memory or something to be ignored. I say this because recently I became the something to be ignored – something to be looked through and not at. The jokes are no longer shared – the tears are only seen by you. […]
I think about it all the time……killing myself. I’m in a abusive, manipulated, horrible relationship. I am 31 and female. My common law husband is 43, so we are many years apart. He is horrible to me. He plays mind games with me all the time, manipulates every situation that he can with me. He makes me feel horrible about myself and he thinks he is better than anyone.
Because of all this I want to kill myself. I just can’t take this pain anymore. I can’t leave cuz I do love him, but at the same time I can’t take his shit. I feel like […]
I don’t want to be alive anymore.. I can’t stand feeling like I mean nothing to anyone, can’t bear the weight of meaning nothing to myself.. I can’t stop thinking about what it will feel like to be dead.. I don’t think anyone would miss me..
I have a boyfriend, but he makes me feel so insignificant, so inadequate.. I know he loves me, but I feel so worthless, and it’s only a matter of time until he sees that too.. And he leaves me too.. Dear reader, I love him, and he doesn’t say or do anything to make me feel that way, but he’s […]
Hear I am. Stuck in the same fucking place. Repeating the same fucking task. Doing the same thing over and over again just so that I can blend in with the rest of the world and maybe just maybe I can be happy some day. I don’t know if I will ever be happy. I’m to fat, To stupid, and to emotionally in stable to do anything right. I’m diegnosed Ana and chronicly depressed. I just hate. Living, who made suicide wrong, aren’t we all jusrpt engineering ways to make like suck slightly less, why do we all choose to live in a world that […]
it seems lately there’s been alot of angst on this site….i think it can be theraputic for some people to take their anger out on ppl they dont know…..so here’s a few things i hate about myself, for obvious reasons;
1. i’m a fatist…i dont like really fat people, like 400lbs or over….i only weigh 95-100lbs bc my depression gives me a total lack of appetite, so i cant understand why people can let themselves go like that….i know it’s wrong of me to think this way, but i do…….
2. sometimes i lie to my family members for money to spend on things that are unhealthy […]
hello all…im new to this site hopefuly itll help somehow..even thu im not sure whats gonna help me anymore..
im filling up surveys and stuf…and it all shows i have severe depression and needs to be under treatment asap…
anyways…my situation goes like this..im 22 yrs old male..and im unemployed and ill just..cut it short and say i cant handle things anymore..
i once could..now i cant it just a feeling i have idk how to explain it..each day i feel worse cuz im depressed..each day i thinks of how killing myself and ..one day soon itll happen i know it..i feel it..
im ..pretty paranoid person…as a result […]
Hey, I’m pretty fed up right now.
I never talk about me, I suppose in that sense I’m a bit of a martyr, always trying to please others and sacrificing my own life in the running. Im pretty lonely if honest, I have 3 children, and a partner. But I’m not happy, I have no lust for life.
Ive always been cheeky and outgoing, and flirtatious but straight talking, I’ve never played games with people. I’ve always cared for everyone and I feel like I think differently from others.
It’s like I’m in an alternate world at times, were my views and values in life are completely different to others […]
I miss you. I try not to think about you because when I do I think about all the fucked up mistakes I made in my depression and I can’t blame anyone but myself. I knew what I was doing and for some reason I did it anyway. I loved you. I loved you so very much and I chased you away. I destroyed our relationship and I hate myself for it. Sometimes I want to reach out to you, to try an apologize, to make amends. I can’t ever bring myself to do this though. If I do I’m just bringing back terrible memories. […]
I have been cursed with depression for about 15 years now. I have been so distant and hurting I have pushed everyone I have ever loved or cared about away. I have horrible nightmares and wake up crying. I am alone and it feels so empty. No future, no purpose, no happiness. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend every day. What I really want to do is crawl into a hot tube with a couple bottles of wine and just go to sleep. I don’t know what to do next.