Have you ever hated yourself so much, and despised yourself so much that you threw up? Or that you wanted just to destroy your self? God I hate me. Â And everyone who cuts themselves or starves themselves or hates themselves knows it. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I hurt deep down so much that it bubbles up and I keep lashing out at people and then they hate me and I hate myself more. It’s a lethal circle.
I hurt because I feel like a failure who will never amount to anything. I know my friends who know about this are getting annoyed because […]
Love is after us 24/7 . But in the end ,you ended up in Hell…if
you make that fault mistake ………………… but mine you ,you’ll
 still be in Love. I am Human but I bleed just like everyone
else. When she has her trying days, I listened to the rocks and
stones that come my way. Â Is this Love? Love is who you,
Surrender too. Whoever ,you think you where. That’s when
ever thing changes, when Love, comes knocking on your
door. Love blinded you to a Fault, it Trust everything. It has
Faith in honor, without question. Believing is to convince
your mind, that the heart in your soul is safe  ,and that […]
I have often indulged in a bit of suicidal thinking if things in my life go sour. I think of it constantly during the day – and I never really thought it to be odd until my Therapist specifically made a point of asking me if “I thought of it everyday.”
In my  most painful moments, my mind staggers towards a bloody, morbid mess of images, as if to soothe me. They are unusually sharp and vivid, unlike when I am not experiencing emotional pain.  And pain – it seems that I have almost come to depend upon it to tell me what’s real. I  keep […]
Because lately my mind has been a jumble of letters and words, and all of the pictures have faded to black. The images are dark and impossible to see what they are meant to be. But each word in my mind rings out loud and clear. I write because it is easier to speak a thousand words, than to see a single picture in summary.
As I have mentioned many times before here on tsp, In 2002 I reclined the seat in my car in the garage and closed my eyes and waited but before I fell asleep forever I kept seeing images of my 1 yr old niece and 5 year old nephew. Â I got out of the car went up to bed, cried and have been living in pain ever since. Â But its all worth it after days like today, when they show up out of the blue and we spend some hours having fun swimming, playing wiffle ball and just being around these 2 great kids makes […]
Hey, was just talking in another thread about what girls look for in men, noonoo said ‘looks and money’ .. I said I was fairly good looking and quite handsome if you catch me in the right light! .. So, thought I’d put some pictures up..
hi, i’m not a good writer, so i’ll just lay it out. Â im 32, ive spent the last four years busting my ass to get into grad school. I have always been depressed, but I don’t remember much from before my dad died. Last may I found out I was gonna have a son. In Sept my mom died. In Dec my baby was born. This semester was a blur, but I managed to fail the GRE, get rejected from grad school, fail a critical class, but I managed to walk with my class back in may. My aunt has just been diagnosed with […]
So often… i have so many thoughts i feel compelled to express, but so little energy to spend on articulating and verbalizing them. Even that first line was difficult.
But then i start doing math, and think: who would see? of those, who would listen? of those, who would understand? of those, who would care?
And even if i could share every one of my most meaningful thoughts, with, say, 100 people who would see, read, listen, understand, and care… what good would it really do?
And even if it would do a little bit of good… it wouldn’t be enough… for Me.
So, often, i have all these […]
I’m bored so….The first time, I was 14, I was scared to death my dad had a meeting at the school and he was going to find out I was flunking out. Â I went into the cabinet and poured a bunch of Aspirin into my hand and swallowed them. Â I laid in bed and closed my eyes. Â This was my most sincere attempt because at the time thats what I knew, I had heard on TV (lots of times) about overdosing on pills. My teenaged brain didn’t have the defense mechanisms it has today. Â All that happened was I ended up sleeping for 14 hours […]
My story began about 6 months back. I had quit my job at HP and was preparing for some competitive exams. One day I noticed a text from my old friend. She used to be so nice to me in college and I did her a lot of favors. She was a noob with computers so I helped her out a lot in those days. Â This was back when we were in college and well, that was about 2 years ago. Â All this time, I had only thought of her as a friend but seeing her text after all those days. created a sort of […]
having these strange “visions” popping up in my head. i see myself floating face down in the river. i see myself with a gun shot wound. i see myself at my funeral. all of these images are just coming in it seems at random. i am not consciously thinking about suicide. but apparently some part of me is. the interesting part is that i am not afraid of these thoughts. i am not upset by them. they are just there. potential outcomes. seems odd that these thoughts have become mundane almost. nothing new under the sun. so what, who cares? maybe i am just becoming […]
Waking up–that’s the hardest thing for me to do. I find myself tired all of the time. It’s not so much that I am physically tired as it is that I am mentally tired, and my brain transmits the feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and restlessness to the rest of my body. My dreams are a blur… images of things that I can’t get to make sense, my meaningless days played back and forth for my mind to review. Scenes for my brain to recount so it can ask itself, “What went wrong?” and “How the hell did we end up here?” Sleep is supposed to […]
I hate my brain. I just thought you should know if your brain is telling you that you should kill yourself, you’re not alone. If your brain is trying to  give you images and visions of how great it would feel to tighten that rope around your neck and you know that its wrong, you are not alone. They’re really seductive right? These thoughts are the true “siren’s call”; a call for eternal peace and an escape from pain. I’m lucky though. I have a thought that I’ve trained myself to repeat. It is this, “Today is a test. Tomorrow might be a test too. But it […]
I thought my husband was over his porn addiction and just didn’t want to have sex with me. But I discovered that he is not, and the fact that he masturbates regularly at work is the reason.
Why are we even married if a computer screen and his hand can do the job just fine? What am I here for? The dishes, finances, and laundry.
Fuck that. He can get along by himself just fine. He shows no interest in me sexually, he lies to me, and on the days he does come home and have sex with me it’s after he views these images […]
I WISH I HAD CONTROL!!
I never remember it.. Ever…
I WISH I HAD CONTROL…
I wish I hadn’t done it but I have..
I WANT CONTROL!!
I Â know I shouldn’t.. That it’s bad….
I WANT CONTROL…
I don’t think I can stop.. Never…
I ‘M LOST AND LONELY!!
I’m all alone in this dark abyss..
I’M LOST AND LONELY…
My Escape, Â for I have no other Wish…
When I do it, it’s sweet and painful..
The only pain left for me that I feel.
One of the few […]
I can no longer count the number of friends and family that have committed suicide on one hand.
The pain in knowing i’ll never see these people again is the biggest emotional hurt. I can no longer see their beautiful smiles or hear their voices. I’d like to share one particular suicide which I learned a lot from.
I was 15 at the time. Only 15. We stayed over at a friends house after a party along with many other people. I woke up in the morning to find one of my gorgeous, lovely and amazing friends having hung herself off the deck. To this day the […]
Every time I fail at something I have images pop into my mind of me putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger. It’s gotten to the point to where I also see these images every time I think of things I’ll never have or things I should have done differently in the past. These visions are slowly making the idea of ending my life more and more do-able. More and more realistic…
I’ve had images of hanging myself, stepping in front of a train or automobile, and now I’m obsessed with thoughts of knives through my arms.
I’ve never cut. I can’t handle physical pain, so why does my mind automatically go toward knives puncturing through my forearms? It wouldn’t be a release for me as I have understood it to be so for other people. Instead, the physical pain would be a distraction to the mental pain. It would also be a punishment.
As I am now “literally” in the & from the future, I wish everyone here, young & old(er) a somewhat happy New Year, and I genuinely hope/want/desire that you all have a “better” (not perfect, it doesnt exist) year ahead.
Will there be so so days or problems? Off course there will be not so good days & problems. Thats normal. That is life.
Staying positive is really like eating. If you don’t do it regularly enough, your entire health suffers.
Can I make a suggestion to everyone, whether you are sick or not? Use google for good ~ Go Google “inspirational quotes” (or people who have overcome […]