There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I talked to one of my favorite musicians on fb today about a certain song he made talking about his struggle with depression and suicide. Turns out that he still battles depression. This reinforced to me the fact that I can still live out my dreams even in the face of depression coz this dude still makes music and tours the world to spread his art regardless. I am inspired. 🙂 Oh and the title of the song is “Dead Dreams” …
My birthday is tomorrow the 30th. I’ll be too busy at work to enjoy it. Not that I could because I’m all alone in the world. I thought my roommates were going to make me a cake but they didn’t. I only had dream guy over for Thanksgiving dinner and then by chance, he stayed over Friday night and left Saturday. I have to say though that I feel it was wrong to rant about him so much, he’s not a bad guy. I’m just the only person on earth he can’t possibly be attracted to. I wouldn’t be 38 and alone in the world […]
We don’t know each other, but I know that at least most of you are familiar with the thought and the desire to end one’s life. I am posting these words here, to you, as I cannot share them with anyone.
I have tried so hard. I’ve been hospitalized four times and I’ve managed to avoid that in the last 6 years. I got a job and I hold on to it as if the routine and my financial independence could save me. A friend (one of the two that survived to long periods of time in which I feel unable to talk to someone) asked […]
Usualy people dread mondays, something i’ve always found dificult to grasp as my least favourite day of the week has always been Sunday, specially since my depression and suicidal thoughts began, specially now during the winter. when the cold and cloudy days take their toll.
And here i am again in the living room thinking about killing myself, and as opposed to perhaps all of you wishing for Monday to kick in.
Presuming, as I do, that my hopes for conventional happiness are completely fucked…….what now?
Suppose I’d live an average western lifespan – another 50 years or so. 2065. By then the world should be well on it’s way to collapse. Drought, famine, fire, flood, war, all that fun stuff. Seemingly our little pockets of prosperity will be last to fall. My corner of the world may hold out longest, sinking the boats of refugees fleeing continental chaos, while we continue to extract foreign resources at gunpoint. So this bubble of decadence may well outlive me.
But I doubt it’ll be the same country then. We’re already slashing […]
I understand that many people have it worse, but I feel hopeless. I’m young, too young for my experiences, but on the cusp of adulthood. I’m supposed to be planning for my future, but all I can plan for is a way to make it through the day.
My mother is bipolar, my father is dead, my sister is severely OCD, my half-sister is a manic-depressive bipolar manic paranoid hallucinogenic schizophrenic alcoholic with severe and violent anger problems. Her two children, as well as all the others listed, live in the same household as me.
Of course with all of these illnesses in bound to have some […]
so i thought my roommate would be gone the whole weekend but she came back today. and she was on speakerphone with her mom in the other room. and i heard them talking about the rent so i started listening. and then they were talking about the dishes of my mine that she stuck in a garbage bag in front of my door.and her mom was telling her to be nice and to do them for me but my roommate kept telling her she was just going to throw them in the dumpster.then she was telling her mom how shed be really happy if she […]
I speak to you as a victim of suicide. My mother and an uncle committed suicide.
There are many theories of death, but I will give you the most likely: It’s nothingness. Unconsciousness, as we know it, is that space between falling asleep and waking up. It’s what happens when you undergo surgery, or pass out. For a suicider, this is the most likely positive outcome. The suicider wants an end to the distress, and this appears to fit the bill.
But what if suicide carries with it consequences that are potentially worse? When the suicider makes the choice to squander the life given to him or her, who knows […]
I seriously don’t get why most people hate hardcore drug users… You don’t fucking know me, you don’t know my reasons for taking the stuff, and yet you tell me I’m ”a drain on our society”? I work for the cash I buy my fixes with, and I mean real work, not stealing from your fucking pocket or anyone else’s for that matter.
”Junkie”
”Methhead”
”Tweaker”
Oh please, the hypocrisy is limitless! Most of this shit comes from drinkers/smokers. Well assholes, EVERYONE has vices! The only reason that mines are ”evil” is because they’re illegal. Fuck the law, by the way. I’m not gonna let a bunch […]
I’ve decided that I won’t kill myself on the 30th. After all, someone told me that one, my family and friends will be grieving and that if I kill myself, I might give a lot of people despair. Second, my dreams – to be a ballet dancer, to be friends with my crush (which is kind of weird to be placed here, heh), and to serve the country as a scientist – will all be lost when I die. Third is that I want to let other depressed and suicidal people live and know that we can all defeat our suicidal thoughts and not let […]
As you have comments off I decided to make this post. You have been part of SP for such a long time (with more names than I can keep track of lol). Yet I don’t see you say much about you. Usually you are giving good advice or leaving posts on other subjects like football. So your latest post has me worried. Want to talk? Here or email. Sometimes we find ideas or hope in the oddest places.
It’s my username at hot mail c om
I was adopted at birth, and for good reasons.
I never felt “true love” from my adopted parents even when they said so or acted like it, because in the back of their heads, I was there to fill an emotional hole before anything else.
I never had a friend who truly cared about the Universe. Maybe they weren’t smart enough or weren’t as curious as I am, but still it sucks when you can’t relate to anyone in your entourage, since virtually all the people you know of are actually “playing similar games”, and by doing so, miss the opportunity to look at things from other perspectives.
I […]
{Haven’t posted or commented in a couple days, but I’ve been reading your posts. I just have no words, and I apologize. But I do think of you guys, you’re all great.}
Don’t mind me, just a late night sob fest. I just complain a lot, so if you want to listen to that then grab some popcorn and get comfy. If not, put in some headphones and tune me out (highly suggested).
So, with thanksgiving coming up tomorrow, I’ve been trying to think of things that I’m thankful for so I have a quick reaction when someone asks me.. Really all I’ve come up with are […]
Im lost. Feel like life just flipped upside down and idk what is going on or which way is the way outta here. I don’t know if it matters.
More materials have also mysteriously disappeared in the last week. I don’t know where they’re going or if it’s nice and sunny there, but it’s getting increasingly difficult to finish this project. Still have lots of paper. Maybe there’s a way to make walls out of that.
Six months ago I had everything…a great paying job and a girlfriend of six years that I think adored me and I adored her. Depression then reared its head. I took absences from work to try and deal with it and then in July got fired. I haven’t been able to find a job since. This week my girlfriend and I broke up. It had been strained for a bit but kept hoping we could work through it. Now I’m about to end up on the street due to not having money. I’m still working on my plan but really liking this website. I felt […]
I have what seems like a perfect life, but i want out. I have a wonderful caring boyfriend that spoils me with love and affection but it isn’t enough and never will be because i do not love myself. When I look in the mirror all I see is failure. I don’t have a job, can’t keep a job or go back to school.. My social anxiety is a serious problem and the depression isn’t helping either. Living with memories of abuse i suffered as a child really gets to me and my thoughts are uncontrollable, it’s like it just keeps repeating over and over […]
It’s something that’s just in fairytales and movies, but sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing as being cursed? If there is something out there in the universe that causes some lives to be charmed, normal, whatever and some to be unfortunate.
I used to post here a long time ago. I had a plan to travel and if that went well I would give life a chance and if it didn’t then I was ready to kill myself. I had pills ordered and everything.
And things got better. Then bad again, then better, then bad again. But then things got perfect. I ripped up […]
Last year I was so lost, depressed and broken that I decided it was my time to leave this world. I wrote my letter, cleaned my room, grabbed the rope, jumped out my window and ran. I went into a forrest, began to tie the rope around the tree and then around my neck. In front of me was a massive empty, dark field. Behind me was a giant fence with houses behind it. I saw flash lights in the corner of the field in front of me so decided I needed to jump right away but then I heard a bang from above me. […]
And in the end, there is nothing, nothing more than the silent, empty, cold reality of death. No more tears, no more pain, no more suffering… Just the empty reality of a pain-filled existence now come to pass. Laid to rest in the cold, hard ground in the middle of winter, while the only ones who cared about you try to tell others how much they cared about you, but you know the truth: it was a lonely existence with half-hearted lovers who want to leave but don’t want to disappoint, backstabbing people who called themselves your best friends, and depression so strong that days […]