Yeah, I’ve been feeling that way lately. I’m afraid of getting kicked out of the place I just moved in to. Reasons? I know I’m renting from a neat freak and I’m not really filthy but I don’t have the energy to keep it looking like Merry Maids are on call either. I did something dumb that made a mess and now a rug needs washed, and I don’t have the energy to spend 4 hours after work on the slow washer & dryer in the basement. I feel like I shouldn’t be doing stupid shit like that and somehow, even though most […]
Sarah, that person I met in the psyche ward, finally added me to her Facebook. I didn’t say anything to her but figured I’d say hi after I woke up from a nap. Well I woke up about an hour ago, and I had a strong feeling that she took me off her list….guess what? SHE FUCKING DIDWTF! I refuse to attempt to contact anyone from that dumbass psyche ward again. It’s better just to move on. I was the only truly intelligent one there anyway.
haven’t been on here a while, I haven’t been busy I’ve just been confused about everything like I act like nothng is wrong but I’m getting fucked up inside I cant cant even think straight without crying, Like have you ever sat with your friends and just known that you’re the least important friend in the group and you felt like it wouldn’t make a difference if you were there or not…
Ok guys, so this may sound weird, but I’m going for it. I felt a little down in the dumps today (perks of being bipolar) and was thinking about self harming when I just walked outside and felt the breeze on my skin and rays of sunlight kissing my face- I could almost feel Fall hanging in the air. I swear I was just there; I was just a moment in the day in the life of the world and it was good. I glanced towards the sky and the clouds… have I ever seen anything so beautiful? The shades of blues and creams and […]
Hello, I’m M22.
I think I was a good kid in childhood. Studied well, played sports etc. But I was always sad. I never really had friends when I was young. I lived out of city and there were no other people except for my family. I hated the woods and I always thought I missed a lot in my life. The loneliness stayed with me. Also my parent were (and still are) fighting each other, a lot of violence stays in memories. At one point I started to hate my family.
The first time I had suicidal thoughts I think I was 16 or 17. I don’t even […]
Damn. This night my mom and dad and the rest of my family got together to watch this video about this guy who grew up in poverty and now he’s a doctor or something. My moms like all “you guys are so smart and have so much potential. Your sister in college is working so hard studying and u guys need to work hard to”. She doesn’t get it. I’m an unbalanced human. You know those character in the games that you have to distribute the points to different characteristic for there intelligence, strength, etc. I’m so unbalanced. I’m pretty smart and pretty athletic, but […]
last blood moon till 2033.
It should end in the next 30 minutes. Enjoy!
First off, let me say I heard what people say to me about him. I know he is controlling. Unfortunately, it is not in my nature to follow my brain. My heart speaks loud and clear to me. I love him, more than anything in this world. I chose to stay with him. I have given myself up in the process. Deep down I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me, sometimes I don’t even think he knows that he does. My depression is a topic we don’t talk about. He has made it clear that it take more than love for this relationship to […]
Ive gotten to the point where i dont really feel bad for a number of things. I still feel in the ‘wrong’ on a social stance because i feel that i might be lacking empathy and well thats my own self analysis. Im entitle to it right? I do feel at times im horrible, a monster it would be better to burn my bridges than to subject those who still care to my ups and downs. But then they’re also choosing to stick around when they know how bad things can get with me.
Things have never felt or seemed so clear before. A lot […]
Since I was 12 or 13 (over half my life ago), my mind has been consumed to an ever increasing extent by longing. By lust. Though I like to tell myself it’s love – that it’s somehow special.
Behind all my other thoughts is the constant desire to be with whoever I’m most attracted to at the time. Not to be in a real relationship, but to be with the idealised version of them that I’ve created in my head.
This is obviously pretty destructive, since it identifies meaning and happiness with a virtually impossible ideal. But I don’t feel like I can let it go. Something […]
No matter how long ago something happened, it always find a way to cross your mind days, weeks, months or even years after it was passed.
Its been 6 and a half years since I was taken away from my mother, when my whole family and home life came crashing down on me. Today something managed to spark those memories without a second thought, and only now do I realise how much that impacted me. How different my life would be if it hadn’t crashed and burned all those years ago. I don’t believe my family realise how much that effected me and to this day […]
I’m writing an entire political manifesto that covers everything from national security, to the abolition of the penny to better social programs to how emerging technologies can create a utopia in the future. Even though euthanasia is a section of the manifesto, it’s very important. I still got a lot to write on euthanasia including the right to die for the mentally ill. Here is what I got so far (prob about 10% complete on tthe euthanasia topic)………………
The Bioethics Agenda
EUTHANASIA
Denying the right for terminally ill people to choose to end their own lives by peaceful means is one of the biggest human and civil rights […]
im living on borrowed time here because i cant find the courage inside of me to commit suicide, and its tearing me apart. i want everyone to forget that i exist. i wish i could live in the shadows so that if i died, no one would notice and i wouldnt hurt anyone. i havent attempted anything but im scared that ill fail and ill have to live with everyone knowing my secret. my depression is my secret and ive been living with it for three years. it started when i was fourteen and i felt the depression grow with me. as i got older […]
Even though my relatives have known for years that I have Major Depression they still behave in abusive ways. Yesterday I was stressed and feeling extreme anxiety. My mother came home yesterday from work screaming and throwing a tantrum. I have to live with her for now because I have a heart condition. I was so upset I was shaking. Later I felt really sick and couldn’t breathe. I thought I might be having a heart attack. She just stood there in the kitchen staring at me like she was waiting for me to die. I had to call 911 myself. It turns out I […]
i fucking hate people its no fucking use no matter what i do people always think its the worst thing i cant explane it because no one wants to believe me or they all think im fucking crazy. i have no choice ether people are going to kill me or i just have to take my own life that’s it. my mom told me i can be happy i just have to choose it but i don’t have a choice people are always going to think what they are going to think and i cant change there minds because everyone hates me. no one cares about […]
I’m contemplating, stewing, thinking, and I can’t see any exits. I’m poor; well-educated (I have two Bachelor’s degrees in different fields) but not in the right fields, too old to retrain in a new field, and crushed beneath a depression that I can’t get out from under. Soon I’ll be evicted, and my car will be repossessed; I’m in arrears on both, despite working every day. I can’t afford my anti-depressant medication. I can’t afford therapy. I’m divorced, have been for a while, and haven’t been on a date in years (not for lack of trying, but I’m a bit heavy, and I have the […]
I hate myself I can’t take being alone it’s sad…really! I work out but I can’t get abs I’m nice to people but they treat me like shit I treat the women I’m with like gold but they treat me like dirt I can’t talk to women I buy affection from strippers in the form of $30 topless dances. I have bad social anxiety I say stupid shit that’s meant to be funny and when nobody laughs I double down and run my mouth… […]
They’re so loud…the whispers of demons.
I can’t hear my own thoughts at times, and they think I’m just spacing out..going insane.
But when I cut, there’s just silence. It stops. As long as the pain is there, the demons stop. They hide in the corners of my mind, eyeless creatures, hypnotized by the taste of pain. But I can hear..I can hear my friends, my boyfriend, and I can put my mask back on and pretend to be happy again.
But when I’m sober, they’re so loud….the whispers of demons.
I already know how it’s going to end for me. My life has been a never ending nightmare and it’s getting worse not better. I grew up severely neglected in hellish poverty, my first suicide attempt was in high school, I don’t have actual friends just people that know who I am, my biological relatives hate me because I’m gay, I’ve had every horrible job a person can have even though I went to college, I have a mountain of debt from college, the only man I love won’t have anything to do with me, and in 2010 I snapped and drank a glass of […]
my life has no hope. I plan on commuting suicide very soon. I am going to take all of my 30 200 mg seriquil and then sit on my car while it is running in the garage. Of the drugs don’t kill me hopefully the carbon monoxide will. My only fears are hurting my son and my mom. My son will be 3 in October, so he wont really understand. I know that my dad and my step mom will adopt him. They have asked about it before and I am still living. I’m 23, I suffer from extreme depression and social phobia. I can’t […]