My friend and I are drifting so bad. Friday she was upset over not getting a job she was feeling worthless and like a failure and was talking suicidal. I, being her best friend, tried my hardest to console her and comfort her, as i know the feelings all too well. Her response to my advice “I’m taking advice on why not to kill myself from a girl who has tried to kill herself, really, you think you can help me.” That hurt me so bad, as she said that i tried to laugh it off because she later told me it was a joke. […]
Tag:
Joke
im having a hard time keeping together one part of me wants to jump off a bridge another part of me wants to slit my wrist or starve and dehydrate myself. To bad you cant do all three. Im in a lot of pain and i dont know why just know something inside of me hurts real bad. My life is good but this feeling is not good. I just got out of the er i actually went twice one the first day then the next. They threatened to kick me out of the er the second time if i kept acting up so i […]
I was reading on here a couple of weeks ago, and I saw something that someone said and it really stuck with me. They said “I’m not a person who wants to be alive. Im just a person who’s too afraid to die.” That pretty much sums me up. I don’t get a kick out of living. I don’t go to bed at night thinking of all the wonderful things I get to do tomorrow and aren’t I just so darn lucky that I get to just be alive?! No. I go to bed hoping I won’t wake up. But I always do. I would […]
The pain inside just grows and grows,
My pulse, my mind, my life just slows,
I shake my fist at the God above,
For placing me in a life without love.
At nine years old raped and molested,
Beaten for years, why was I tested?
Is this a joke, some sick experiment,
To live a life without being loved, no happiness, no merriment.
Bullied and tortured for over ten years,
Locking myself in the bathroom, in fear, fighting tears,
Afraid of the world, fearing my next rejection,
Looking in vain, for some family affection.
And then came the day when my father left home,
Neglecting to tell me, no call to my phone,
He packed up the things he loved, old medals he’d won,
Which […]
I Have Depression .. Really Bad. I Get Blamed For Everything, I Find My Self Ugly , Fat Or Even No Good! When People Tell Me Im Pretty I Think There Lying. When Im Upset And Somebody Askes Me “Whats Wrong” I Usually End Up Crying Right At That Moment. I Been To A Clinic To Get Help. Im Now On Depression Meds Now! When Im Upsett Or Real Low The First Thing That Comes To My Mind Is Suicide. It Feels Like I Have No One To Talk To. To Trust. I Feel As Though Im A Loser 🙁 I Get Picked On At […]
Today was actually ok, my dad didnt yell that much my mom was nice and everything went pretty smoothly…only probelm is tommorows monday amd get to see all the bitchy cheerlearders and other annoying assholes…i wish my friends understood, whemever i start to tell them they get this wierd arkward lookso i always end up making it into a joke and pretend it was nothing. Im tired if trying to conform into to someome im not..i dont even know who i anymore. From basicaly kindergarden i was the “wierd kid” the one who was always too mature, my mom used to call me an […]
So I’ve never actually thought Fuck it Im going to reach out and talk about this because its just not a normal thing to do…then again nothing ever feels normal in my world and when I do express normal behaviour I feel its so put on and faked to everyone around me that they can see right through me and thus treat me different from each other. For years I’ve always kind of known I had serious pshycological issues and suicidal thoughts caused by a horrible upbringing and attempted to take my own life before I went to university. I failed….didn’t know how to o/d […]
i’m dying on the inside.
I know longer know what to do. I don’t know how i got the way that i am, but i feel as if i was born to die & now that feeling is grabbing me more than ever.
i’m in high school, but i haven’t gone to school in about a month. i just show up every once in a while, when i’m in there i feel like killing myself. but switching schools is no option for me.
my parents seem quite disappointed but they don’t understand that this is an ongoing battle i have dealt with for over 3 years. I almost […]
Hi,
I’m Arnaud and I’m 20 years old.
If you ask me what I think about my life I can only say that it sucks. I don’t know what to do.
Most people see me as a happy person with lots of humor, a nice smile and lots of friends. That’s nice because it is exactly what I want to show to my friends and family. I don’t want them to worry for me because I know they can’t do anything to help me.
When people ask me questions like: “what is your goal in life?†or “what is your biggest dream?†I reply: “buying an Island in the […]
Hi People! Again its me! no joke… i dont write that often x)
anyways! this night, high again but this time on speed… thinking about some things ive done
today for a change i went to my moms place to see her (ya she kicked me out umm.. 1 month ago) so yaa i went to see her to pick clothes and my guitar and also talk and mayb arrange things… abviously she talked to me in a bitchy way this made me FUCKING angry i tried to calm down but i started replying back in a stupide way to joke around (btw i was […]
I had my first suicidal thoughts last December… Triggering factor? Have no idea. At first it was just ideas like «i think it would be much better if i was going far far away». After, reflections on life, death, suffering… images of death… images of my death in dreams… and… after… images of my death when im awake, when i watch a movie, when i laugh to a good joke with friends… i see myself everywhere dying… for over a month now…. I see myself hanging by a rope in the corner of my office… or injecting myself a high dose of morphin, which i […]
But I’d love to run away with Diana. Me, diana, her kids, swiss farm with acres of private land.. I’d be happy more often than sad were I in that situation.
What a joke. I actually thought my life would get better. Ha! The first time I really considered suicide was in 8th grade but, I talked myself out of it because I thought surely this was only a rough patch and things would get better eventually. The second time I seriously considered suicide was in 10th grade but I thought that maybe once I got out of high school, things would actually begin to improve. Maybe when I reached college I would finally start having the life I was supposed to have with friends that cared, guys actually liking me, independence, goals…Well, freshman year of […]
Verse 1:
Surrounded by all these people
Not one of them I call by name
The occasional friend that’s never there
Yeah it’s close but not the same
Not the same as you
Not the same as us
But I guess there wasn’t anything there
I guess there never was
Never any love
Just the pain that you left behind
I guess I knew you didn’t love me
It was only a matter of time
And
Pre-Chorus:
Now I have
Something to say
Words of advice
To live by everyday
And there’s no holding back now
It’s time that you should know
Exactly what I have […]
My birthday is at the end of the week. I dont even want to make it. I am trying like hell to make it to my vacation in 2 months,and end it then,but this week is hard. My BF keeps leaving and spending all of his free time away from me.He refers to spending time with me as “sacrificing.” He now threatens to move away b/c he doesnt want to listen to me explaining how bad I feel,refering to the end anymore. I wonder if my vacation is worth it. Wouldnt it be easier to just end it and not have to face another birthday […]
Its been about a month from when i got out of the hosptil. I was doing so good. I was handling my stress wonderfully. Then sunddenly i asked my best guy frined if he liked a girl and if he kissed her or had sex with her that night. it was a joke. But he turned on me.. And yelled i tryed to appolgize but nothing will ever be the same. I know sit on the floor of my ice cold room asking for God to just kill me. Just end my life now. i started burning and cutting again. Theres know escape. Please someone […]
I recently got accepted for a college course which starts next Monday but just this morning they contacted me saying there was a problem with my application and I’m no longer accepted for the course. I actually felt like my life had a point again up until now. Now its gonna be another 6 months sitting in the dark watching other people enjoy their lives. Back to the emptiness of feeling nothing but hate and shame. Oh well. Somehow I doubt I’ll be around after those 6  months. I’ve simply had enough. Also in my previous post I mentioned not being able to kill myself because of my mum. […]
Here I am trying to catch up on last minute details.
I had a fun time writing my own obituary and even put some humor in it. I am going to leave it in my home taped to my refrigerator along with my handwritten, live and dead wills. I understand that if you just type it out and sign it, the document can be contested. The same goes for DNR orders and suicide notes. You can write a short version of the note by hand for the police department, photocopy it and put them in separate envelopes. You can then type up a long version where […]
Every second I’m awake I wish I was asleep, but the cruelest joke this life plays on me is to not let me experience sleep. I fall asleep and immediately wake up 8 hours later (like everyone else). My worst fear is that when sweet sweet death finally comes, it will be exactly like sleep, and I’ll simply wake up seemingly immediately and be forced to be alive once more. I’m 25, and havnt learned a damned thing my entire life. All I did was play sports throughout my life until college where I picked up drinking and smoking weed. My life is horrible. I […]
How do you cope?
when your…
…friend who you thought was your best friend left you?
…mother decides not to believe in you and wants to disown you?
…brother and sister decides to not stand up for you and stay with your mother instead, even though you truly believe you are right?
…only friends are the good friends, but no close friends?
…love life is in shit-hole?
…university academic is being affected by your drastic (depression) behavior?
…thoughts of suicide is re-surfacing, stronger than ever?
I am sleeping alone now in a hotel. My mother just left me to sleep in our new apartment. My brother […]