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I’m scared. Everything is getting worse, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t think, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. Everything is getting too much.
I’m ill again. The Angels have said I’ve been poisoned with something which also works to lower my immune system as well. The Others are going to make me suffer for as long as they can.
Speaking of the Others, they’re everywhere. In every street, every shop. I haven’t gone out in days. I’m not safe anywhere. They watch me during the night. I close all the blinds, all the curtains. I lock every window and door. I suppose I […]
Hey Wiskered-fish how are things going with your meds and the extra energy discovery?
Hey ToTrees, I shouldn’t say this because you erased your post but: Hey that’s really bad, the headache thing. Hope you may sleep a little more maybe? Or would it be better a short walk?
You know what’s been killing me this last days? Freetime… I gave it all to get some freetime and it exploted on my face.
Maybe you can become an inventor (I am rambling here) and design a device to keep racoons away hahaha.
Enjoy your cofee
Hey Ylem I am crossing my fingers everything everything goes right with your […]
Thank you all to everyone that has stood by me tonight in one way or another. Thank you for the company over the last year but more importantly over the last 2 days.
You have all been amazing.
I know so many of you if not all of you do not understand my choice and that is okay. You have all given me a great departing gift. Please continue to take care of one another as you always have. Our minds never have to be on the same page just support one another.
Now, I will ready myself for my exit. Is it wrong that I am going […]
So, I had a great last day. I swam, I surfed, I fell off my board a few times, got smashed up the last time. Pic to prove it. I laid on the beach, I just got down with a long soak in the tub. I’m changed and I am about to go down soon for a very light last meal. I know I have to have a empty stomach in which to take “N”.
My last night is beginning….I’m waiting […]
Woke up as some of you know at the unholy hour of what was it….2:30ish am…..ordering coffee from room service. I sat out on my balcony and drank the whole pot they brought me before retiring back to bed where I slept and dreamed in circles. Same thing kept happening over and over and over….annoying.
*Yep, still wearing Danny boys sweatpants…I do love these things*
Got up a couple of hours ago, took a nice hot bath but not before ordering more coffee and a couple bottles […]
Thought it was as good a day as any.
The day of love.
I class myself as a very loving compassionate person,
so why not also die on a day that represents me.
Some may have seen a positive post I wrote.
Well guess what? It didn’t last. All happy days must come to an end.
I haven’t been on here for a few days because I smashed my computer
so had no way of accessing this site.
I had a rage attack which ended in me attempting to end my life
but yet again was intervened.
So everyone, as much as I try to be positive and make others feel better,
I’m unable to do […]
Welp the last time that I cut myself was basically 2 weeks ago (the last time I posted) it was much worse than normal…… it actually scared me they were not just deeper than normal but longer than normal, a few were still bleeding 3 days later…… So a few days after that I finally found my way into my school’s counselors office, it went better than expected…… I never told her exactly what was happening, but she sent me over to the crisis response unit (since she gathered that I at least had thoughts of causing myself harm) that was a terrifying experience…… However I […]
I have had mood swings and periods of depression sine I was 16. I am now 52 and until last year had never really thought about ending my life although I have often wished I just didn’t have to wake up.
I thought being married to my ex was bad but the last 5 years have had at least one piece of crap and trauma every year and although I have picked up the bits every time it has just worn me out.
Strangely it is the small things people do and say not the big things. Last year I decide the option of ending my life was […]
…and it made me want to commit suicide. yes, it was that bad that i have lost all faith in art, theatre, and humanity.
i applied two of my plays to this playwriting competition this year and last year, and got rejected both times. it sucked. last year, i was not able to see the final plays, but tonight i watched this year’s plays.
what. dreck.
the first play was kind of witty, making fun of crappy community college theatre that is up its own butt, poorly written and poorly acted.
the next 2 hours was basically…all the plays the first play was making fun of.
it was awful. i […]
Just tried some impromptu exposure therapy. I have pretty severe anxiety. I cant remember the last time i did something as simple as shop at multiple places without having full out or precursor panic attack. Im pretty happy so far today I went to multiple places without being anxious. Gotta take the simple small victories when you get them.
Do you ever wonder what it feels like to have the cold end of a pistol pushed against the side of your head? Do you ever wonder what it feels like to suffocate inside of a car? Do you ever wonder about the endless feeling one feels while falling toward the end? Do you ever wonder how bright headlights are as they come barreling toward you in the dark? Do you wonder how a rope feels squeezing your neck? Do you ever wonder how horrible it feels to be poisoned beyond intoxication?
Do you ever wonder how that last breath feels? Do you wonder how stiff […]
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So it has been a while since I last made a post on this site. Some of you may know that I was in a severely fucked up state. I came very close to trying to kill myself again but being on the edge of the abyss allowed me to do something I wouldn’t of been able to do: Lie with all I had.
Some of you may be confused by my last statement, let me try elaborate. I had completed my degree in IT, majoring in Software Development, over a year ago but in my final year of uni I suffered a mental breakdown and barely […]
Tonight is going to be my last night.
Good bye SP.
And I’m on the way to the local bar again, where I’ll spend countless hours drinking and socializing with people I’ll never see again. I’m stuck in my head again. I can’t free myself again. I drank myself stupid last night and somehow managed to drive myself home again. I sit here lonely wondering if anything will ever change again. I’ll force myself to eat because I’ve lost so much weight again. I’ll sit in my car and smoke weed just to be able to sleep again.
Again.. again.. again..
I’m (supposedly) feeling less depressed. And yet why can’t I function any better? For the first time ever I’m late with turning in a (creative) writing assignment. I’m so embarrassed and even more stressed/anxious in that I don’t even know how I’ll get it done. I’m a good writer, but I just haven’t felt creative since my fiance and I broke up. Maybe painting I could do, but words and plot require thinking. I can write a beginning, even a beginning I like, but then I’m stuck. The only piece I wrote a significant amount of words to I now hate because of the direction […]
last time i wrote here was on my 15th birthday, probably the worst birthday ever because no one showed up to the party. There was this nice guy i think, seesmith, who really inspired me with his words- he told me to be my true self even tho it’s a painful process. So that’s what i did. I took a step back. I didn’t talk to my “friends” for three months now and no one cares how i’m doing. The people i called friends doesn’t really care. I feel really lonely. I eat nothing and sleep all day so i can avoid the loneliness. My […]
The most important thing in life is confort. Material and also “spiritual” , I mean like being at peace with yourself. That is the most important thing.
I started to think very nihilistic lately . I feel like I am losing my mind. It seems that most human toughts and emotions are chemical reactions in the brain to make you see life in sunshines and rainbows for maintaing your survival plus passing on the genetic code by the means of reproduction.
I was in top shape last year, I and I was being able to fuck any girl I wanted because of my looks and phisique.I think […]
I made a friend in the last few weeks here on SP. A friendship forged out of mutual understanding of emotional turmoil.
The last time I talked to him, he was going through a very rough patch. He couldn’t deal with his pain and was on the verge of ending it. In fact, he had tried to make an attempt, but somehow couldn’t go through with it. I tried to talk him out of it. I doubt it worked.
I haven’t heard from him in over a week, and I’m really worried. I think I failed him.
King, if you are still out there, roaming the streets of […]