The more I think about it the more I realize I’m just not a nice person. I can’t remember the last time I made someone happy. I’m just too selfish and lazy to care about too many people and I hate myself for this. Sometimes I just wish I stopped feeling the small amount of happiness I do feel so that I could do nothing but try and make people happy. But I can’t, and that’s why I’m just a waste of living flesh that doesn’t deserve to live. The only reason I’m still alive is because I’m scared to take my own life. Whenever […]
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life is
Life is far too cruel and absurd to be lived.
I don’t know what fucked me up first – whether it was life or me. If I knew it was my own fault I don’t know if I would feel worse. But either way, what’s done is done. I’m damaged goods now.
I know that I had great potential – once. I know that I could have achieved some amazing things – once. If only I could turn back the hands of time – try a do-over, but this time with zero mistakes. This time, taking advantage of that limitless potential. This time, with the knowledge of […]
I wish I could be myself around other people. Unfortunately, ‘myself’ is a complete piece of shit. And while there are things I can do to moderate that, I can’t see it ever changing.
So my life is artificial. I can’t let anyone else see who or what I really am. What goes through my head. Because it’s fundamentally unacceptable. I am completely alone. I can’t let anyone see the fear. Because if they see the fear, they might start asking what I’m so afraid of. What is so awful that I feel so anxious about?
So my whole life is an act. It has been for […]
So I stoped talking to my parents if I can avoid it. I am going through that idea of geting my emotional independence, so if one day I do decide to put an end to this whole thing then they will be used to not having me around.
I am in a period of time when I am all alone again. My friends left the country (mine is one of those countries you always want to leave) and they are organizing their own lives. Good for them.
I was thinking that maybe this is how life is supposed to be : you grow up and learn you […]
My existence is fucking stupid:
The HIGhLIGHT of my life is work. While I spend 80% of my time here, I don’t mind the job, it’s just infuriating that I’m squandering my prime years.
My coworkers practically murder each other to be the first out the door. Not me, I’d rather stay. Menial grinding is better than the home war zone. I usually lie about when I need to be to work. Sometimes I come in early, others I nap in my car.
I’m isolated. I don’t try to make friends anymore. I’m not allowed to go out solo, I don’t want anyone to witness the […]
Not being interested in life, ain’t that cruel irony for ya…
Normal people will never understand.
To them, life is sacred and in their narrow eyes, “throwing it away” is sacrilege.
Being with someone that doesn’t understand, will never understand…
That’s our follies, for ya.
To the rest of the world, we are nothing more than parasites,
draining the blood of the economy and relationships.
Stuck on their high horses, anyone that doesn’t want to play Monopoly with them
is better off dead.
To my reflection across the world, this life doesn’t make sense,
don’t you think so too?
In your eyes, is being with a fellow outcast that scary, that unknown for ya?
Unless you still […]
That’s all I’ve ever wanted. To be happy. But it seems further out of my reach with every day I exist. I suppose everyone wants to be happy really…
It just seems like everything is so far out of my reach. This book I’ve been reading, prescribed by a friend that said it would help me, hasn’t been helping me at all to accept societies heinous actions.
My dreams get worse and worse by the day… it just seems like life is trying to break me again. Like its trying its hardest to drive me mad.
“There is a very popular opinion that choosing life is inherently superior to choosing death. This belief that life is
inherently preferable to death is one of the most widespread superstitions. This bias constitutes one of the most obstinate mythologies of the human species.”- Mitchell Heisman-author of Suicide Note who shoot himself because he was a nihilist.
I am getting my salary tomorrow. And I also know someone that can get me a thing that is life threatening.
I’m nearly 50, alone, poor and think about suicide every single day. I work hard, I am intelligent, I have had previous success in my life, but my line of work is extremely competitive and I must battle for even marginal pay. I live in a hovel, have no heating (even my space heater causes my powerstrip to overload, so my electricity is problematic), I work seven days a week and have done so for more than five years now. I have not even taken a minor vacation of one day since December 2010 so I am in my apartment constantly ( I work from […]
The past couple of days have been really good for me.
I’ve been hanging out with some childhood friends again and surrounding myself with great people.
I’ve been trying not to put myself down as much, and if i catch myself doing so then i try to focus on something else like music.
I’ve been training for my new job. I’m excited. It’s going to be better than what i thought.
I’m just trying to look on the bright side of life. I spend too much time being pessimistic. And life is wasted if the only thing you do is feeling pessimistic.
I know i’ll have bad days […]
I saw someone I know today that I hadn’t seen for a few years and they are and have been going through a much worse time than me.
They asked me how I had been and I lied and said ok because I felt guilty for feeling bad when their pain is so much greater than mine.
So now I feel sad for them, sad for my pathetic self that cannot handle things and angry that life is so cruel to so many people.
The most important thing in life is confort. Material and also “spiritual” , I mean like being at peace with yourself. That is the most important thing.
I started to think very nihilistic lately . I feel like I am losing my mind. It seems that most human toughts and emotions are chemical reactions in the brain to make you see life in sunshines and rainbows for maintaing your survival plus passing on the genetic code by the means of reproduction.
I was in top shape last year, I and I was being able to fuck any girl I wanted because of my looks and phisique.I think […]
Hello,
Hopefully your having a ok day, but if your on here your probably not feeling good, I feel so dead inside, ever since my girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago, I’m so unhappy, report cards came out Friday, I’m not doing any good and ugh, life is just so hard. Everyday I get older I see how screwed up the world is and it disgusts me, and I want to start up a Youtube channel but I don’t know if I should, on there I’m thinking to upload skate boarding videos, skits, Q&As and things to help out my future audience with life
Share how […]
My whole life is a chemical imbalance
I am fairly certain about my misery and my mental illness. I know I can’t be cured. Well most of the mental diseases can’t be cured. Even doctor said that it can be manageable. Manageable not cured. Fuck manageable. I am tired of this shit. All the time living in fear that I am gonna collapse now. I am gonna freak out now in public and What to say about the demons. Thankfully they are at rest now. Even without them life is so miserable. I wish them to wake up now. So I can end this pathetic miserable life.
Every fucking day/ at some point/after […]
Just yesterday I had a dream of my mother, she was drunk and throwing stuff around our home. In my dream I called her “a drunk” and then she looked at me and asked “what about you?” What was the box of wine I found in your room?”
That dream could not be more true, I’m not living at home but its true I’m drinkin as much or even more than she is.
Life is not working out at all, I’m 23 years old, never had sex, never had relationship. I seriously just want to die.
I hear comments from my friends every few days about how […]
Why are we alive? Why were we put here on Earth to live? People say the meaning of life is to be happy, but few people ever experience long-term happiness. So what’s the point? If some of us are depressed, then we don’t have a reason to live and be happy. There is no point in living an empty life void of happiness. That’s why some become suicidal, right? There’s nothing left to live for.
I know I’ve posted something similar but I am in a mental state of sureality, a feeling of having woke up from having been in a dream. I acknowledge that I grew up in isolation and in a cult-like environment. I know I’ve posted it before that we were cut off from the outside world, alienated from friends, family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc), neighbours, and so on. Aunts and uncles, though many of them were just 15 km away, stayed away. Despite this distance we didn’t visit either. I went to school but was excluded. At home I played alone. My father was always […]
Its the same old, same old really. I’m a pissed off misanthrope lacking more than a shy percentage of a will to live. I hate sounding like a melodramatic prick but honestly I can’t very well voice my mind without at least coming off to a few people that way. I try to stay honest, I try to stay logical and not let my inflated ego obstruct me…
But honestly… I’m just, ya know, tired. I’m sick of fighting only to look forward and see bigger and bigger battles. Its demoralizing. I’m 17, graduated highschool early, on to tech school to hopefully get a job with […]
Monday is when I go back to college but I’ve been falling slowly now. My grip on life is getting weaker by the day. Yet, I realized I’m beyond saving, be it by my own strength or another person’s. At the beginning of this forked path, I’ll post every uplifting/encouraging Japanese song I know for a week or so. The first one is Only Human by K, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppINLeLEnFo. Here’s hoping it helps you more than it did me.