It is my first time to post anything, not my first time to think about hanging up the hat. Life can be what one makes of it and often what you see mainly depends on what you look for. I’m 32 and have always looked for the best in people. I was taught to love and forgive, to turn the cheek and be selfless. It made me a clueless person and an easy target for lots of things. My childhood wasn’t exactly sheltered,PTSD and daily panic attacks have been the norm for three decades. Between witnessing my mom commit suicide and living among […]
Some people embrace responsibilities and challenges. I avoid them.
Most people spend their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s advancing their careers and/or raising a family. I’m 30 and have no interest in either. I have friends now but I wonder how many of them I’ll still have in ten years when they’ve all “moved on.”
I was so well suited to the school environment where things were highly structured and most work was individual, but so ill suited to the real world where things are less structured and uncertain and most work is done with other people.
I completely lack basic life skills like cooking and fixing things, nor do […]
Well I will try to keep this as coherent as possible.
Throughout these past few years of my existence, I have experienced moments of joy, sadness, anger, etc.
However, somehow, I now feel like life has no purpose.
Like those emotions were just a dream.
Every day I do mundane things. I get up from bed, somehow get through school, then go back home.
But it’s all a little to mundane.
In the endless spiral of tests, lessons… I no longer see a purpose in this.
Why can’t I just go live a nice life.
The life I’m living, isn’t alive.
Well I will hang around for awhile, to see if I can somehow […]
I don’t think I’m able to do this thing called life. There is so many aspects of it that I’m either soooo bad at or I can’t do it. From connecting to people to trying to accomplish the simplest things.
Why can’t I just be normal?
When I’m faced with an uncomfortable challenge in life, I’m always afraid I might fail and I’m usually even more afraid that I might succeed. The only safe option is to not try, so that’s what I often do. That’s why being depressed makes me feel safe, because I know I’m not going to talk myself into taking any risks. And it’s not like I have any life goals or (realistic) dreams that might inspire me to overcome those fears. When I dig holes for myself, I tend to want to stay there.
I fear failure because, well, disappointment and rejection suck. I fear success because […]
It feels so nice to say these words and actually mean them.
“I’m okay.”
I just came out of the psych ward today. It wasn’t bad in there. I met a few souls whom I spoke to and connected with on a very different level.
I know I’d been saying all along that the one thing I feared most was being admitted there and being seen by my classmates. But when I was there, I actually didn’t give a fuck. I was there to fix myself.
I’ve made a decision. This is a very serious and important decision for me and I hope I stick to it. No […]
Hurry up and fuckin’ wait — oh, how I despise that phrase/former way of life. I don’t like sitting ’round on my arse doing nothing (besides exam prep) but that’s what I’ll have to do for now. Things should be bearable as long as these folks working my case stop making it all about money and meeting these stated outcomes of theirs, because otherwise I’m going to turn violent… and that won’t end well for whoever happens to be on the receiving end of my violent gestures.
…but I’m not a violent person by nature. Of course not. I’d much prefer to reach a compromise […]
Theres a young couple with is the is my husband first cousin and my third . my husband related from our cousin mother Im from his father . the girl he married to is threating to go home cuss shes here and sooo unhappy .the boy by nature is an ass he just cursed her mother while her mom was on the phone.
She is the only one that asked when I left my husband if i was ok and my side of the story and understood .
There fighting and told her ro stop talking to her mom they were staying with me before all this […]
It’s a absolute shit box people are niceish walls are completely plain dull as mah life…. IRL life of course…
I don’t find life to be unbearably painful as much as I find it to be completely mentally exhausting. At least when I actually try. In order to accomplish much of anything I usually have to fight myself a lot. I’m always fighting either social phobia, or fear of change, or severe self-doubt, or hypersensitivity, or self-hatred. It’s like I’m dragging around a sixty-pound rock of depression and fear everywhere I go.
On my bad days, I often wonder how much longer I want to keep fighting myself. Another year? A few years? Ten years? And why should I keep fighting myself? Five or ten years ago I […]
Told my family im on the west coast. they did what I thought they would freak out threatened me again threaten to break my marriage again .
Im tired If im being played for a fool let me be played mom and dad . I am a worthless fool . let me die in life mentally emotionally, physically. Im tired of fighting my father siad hell see me in two weeks . I might end it then he gave me my time slot the 9th still stands I guess.
Hey everybody how your morning so far .?
So I was sitting in cab going to a mall and I was playing spot the murder, rapist or pedo with myself. When I seen two kids running across the street laughing and man in his late 20s early 30s was just starring at them . At first I was like he’s a rapy pedo 12 points. But then when we drove past him and I got a good look at his face. There was Agony and sadness in his eyes. He was wishing to be young happy and laughing and not living the life he has . it […]
My ex and I talked last night. We basically put our friendship on standby. I think that it was a really bad idea to try to be friends so soon after breaking up. I’m glad we did, because I admit a lot of my anxiety and depression came from that. I do want to be his friend, but it’s just not the right time for him and not the right time for me. I feel as if a load has been taking off of me. But I do feel kind of sad about it. I can’t predict the future and I don’t know if our […]
Someone told me they hoped I died. I shrugged. I think if someone told me “I hope you never find love” or “I hope you never find happiness” rather than “I hope you die” is probably the only thing that could really break me; because a life without happiness, love, and fulfillment is a pitiful life.
Besides, we’re all going to die anyway.
i wonder why the drug company’s stopped making sleeping pills and other pills as lethal as they used to be ? I think a lot of us wouldn’t be here today it’s like the government want to keep us alive for what reason ? I think we should have a choice to go into a forever sleep if our pain and suffering is for more then a few years and we are really unhappy with life that’s my opinion
I seem to meet, know or find the people who suffer the most. And why me, when I have nothing and can do nothing to help? An old friend of mine has been through a lot of hell in his life. He just found out through his dad admitting it, that his dad beat and kicked his mom while she was pregnant to try to kill him as a baby. And that’s why he never had his parents in his life. They hated him from the start. And he thought he had just reconnected with his mom, but I guess she was faking it because […]
Oh my gosh, I have been trying to remember the name of this site for the life of me! I’ve looked every where for it for the past two years and then *BAM* I finally found it! No, I just went back through some of what I wrote and I feel bad for my past self; I was not a positive person, but I know it wasn’t my fault that I was depressed. No, here’s what’s happened the past couple years – p.s. sorry for the long story.
My best friend moved to Arizona in December of 2014; I missed her like crazy. I went out […]
Escape. That’s what we desire. Want. Who doesn’t need to be wanted? This is our shot.
The reason we feel so empty and vile about ourselves isn’t our fault, it’s our
environment. We are one and the same and we need to take steps to stay alive. That’s
why I’m leaving to roam the country, feel free and alive again…like I did before and
I’m inviting any of you to join me. All we need is each other. There is unity in who
we are. We may be the black sheep, the broken hearted, the crazy psychos. But we are
also the explorers, the innovators, […]
Do you ever hear a song from a happy time in your life and it almost kills you – because you’ve changed so much and the happiness you had is long long gone and IT AIN’T EVER COMING BACK.
Watched the film legend was an ok film I guess the only part I liked was when he’s girl friend commit suicide I thought I wish it was that easy to to I envy people that succeed
I feel life isn’t for everyone and I’m one of them people how can you enjoy life if all u no is pain suffering heartbreak and self destruction ? It’s not fun there no enjoyment here live life if only they knew it’s survival there a big difference
how can u think positive if u living in darkness were the light in the dark ?