When you take your meds and yet the hills are lower but the valleys deeper, you just want to die.
Nobody understands and money only postpones the inevitable.
People can’t understand, and sometimes nor can I.
But the way life is I just want to die.
I have no hall nor gun and thus can’t commit this ‘crime’ but I do have a death wish and that is mine.
When the meds do nothing but society asks, that you still take them to be all “well”
But you know that death cannot come quick enough
Though I fear and dread it
It solves all ills
Tag:
Little Bit
Its me…..i’ve still been cutting….i’ve been cutting for 3 years now. And i cant stop. I dont know how to get help and i don’t know how to tell my parents. they found out before and supposedly am a lot better but i never really felt that way. Or maybe i did feel better but i can’t let go of my past and i never stopped cutting. I dont cut in my wrists anymore cause my mom got really mad at me the last time she saw it….she hasn’t been very understanding but then again i know its hard for a my mom to see […]
I would just like to rant for a little bit here…
My Papa died when I was 3. I was so young, but I remember him. He is my guardian angel, the key to my happiness. If he had been alive I would never need to lead this kind of life, trust me. Life would have been much better for me. I would be pampered, so loved, so spoiled maybe. Sometimes I wish to run outside and scream at God, why? Why does God want me to lead such a dark life instead?
I was just 3, damnit, what sin could I have committed so badly that […]
*WARNING I talk a little bit about religion in this post, now I’m not trying to preach the gospel or telling anyone to convert, I’m just talking about my experience*
My last post I mentioned that a pastor wanted to see me because he noticed a sadness in me keep in mind I have not told anybody about my depression, now I’ve already seen him twice he wanted to focus on  getting me out of my shell I know he means well but when I went there I didn’t feel comfortable. Every time I met with him I felt like I wasn’t going there for me […]
I forgot to tell many shitty things on my last post, like… I was really depressed bcuz many friends left me, and i chose to give my gf a better life in exchange for hell for myself. so i decided to go to a party with people i knew and the other 600 or something. late that night, i was real happy, not drunk, just a little bit dizzy. and it was reeealy cold outside, hey its norway:P but on the way i heard yelling, and i was like, god no, why… so i turned around and saw two elder boys come at me and […]
Sometimes I feel that suicidal thoughts are just a sign of immaturity in extremely emotional and complicated people…
like there’s this block inside of us saying “WE ARE REALLY NOT HAPPY WITH SOMETHING AND WE DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT (AND OFTEN DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS)”
I have a little bit more to be grateful for in my life.. though I’m a bit of a space cadet.. bit disorganized.. but people still love me.. I’ve got my friends.. got a girlfriend(s) :p .. I look good .. I ain’t dumb.. I can still eat..
But everytime something shitty happens I dwell and I get […]
Hey guys, it’s been a while. Things have been going a whole lot smoother, it’s been better since September, but I’ll make sure to catch everyone up. During the summer, I went over to my father’s house more often and I enjoyed the time I got to spend with him and my step-mom, I enjoyed feeling free and responible at the same time; it was so much like cutting. Then, a little bit afterwards, my mom got pregnate, it’s the first time this has happened in five years and I am just freakin’ excited and happy for her, but she’s taken it way too far […]
I’m tired of everything, I’m tired of putting a smile in front of everyone like if I was really happy, of pretending that I’m happy. I’m tired of feeling like I’m a failure and seeing the disappointment in my moms eyes, but she still smiles beacuse I’m her daugther, beacause I will never be as good a her, as my sister. That I don’t see a brilliant future for me, that I’m always going to be so insignificant, so worthless, and I wish I didn’t think about how them, about hou my family is going to feel if I died, and just think of myself.
So […]
since i’m already here might as well vent out a little bit. maybe some input may give me a bit more perspective instead of using the option of death to calm me down.
turned 24 last month, introverted, depressed for the past 10 years or so, finding it difficult fitting in the modern world and i find it difficult to connect with people and a deeper level. i feel so detached from everything and everyone. i’m more often than not, isolated from the “real” world and watching other people live their lives to the fullest is making me wonder why i can’t do the same thing. […]
I have no friends at school and everyone looks at me like I’m a freak every day. There is a small group of people I normally hang out with, but they just see me as someone who hangs out with them because nobody wants to be friends with the person. Every romantic relationship I’ve ever had ended with every boyfriend either taking advantage of me, cheating on me, or pretending they loved me. I feel like an ugly person and I wanna die already. Nobody would care, not even my own family would care. They hate me so much, and the only person who (sometimes) cares […]
Hello, space mariners. Or maybe aliens or innocent bystanders. I’m almost alone on this planet sometimes. I’m not used to write or chat in this language, so be merciful if I’m making some awful mistakes.
Today I feel a little bit pathetic than usual. But I don’t think about cutting myself or jumping from eighth’s floor. I don’t know why.
I can go on with my live. It’d boring or interesting, or maybe even  funny sometimes.  Or I can stop it.
Both choices are equal for me sometimes.
I want to cry, but i cannot. I want to cry and whimper in someone’s arms. But there is nothing but […]
Unfortunately, I have returned. Aha. I’m laughing. Why? Because it’s not that I have ‘returned’, I’ve always been here. I’m just in the front right now. Clara has decided to pull out of the frame and I am here once more. Belle.
Now… I’ve managed to get her body a little bit addicted to sex. She’s horny a lot… and well… Clara isn’t one to try and be horny a lot. She doesn’t want to feel anything towards anyone other than her dearly beloved who passed away almost a fucking year ago. I can’t wait for when she realizes how needy she truly is. You would […]
you know its intresting.I start to think more about what if i do succede what my death will mean if it actually happens.and a little bit o topic okay ive heard a lot of people saying barbiturates are the only medication that will kill you not you.Ive overdosed a lot in the past when im not cutting or burning or drinking nasal spray.I almost died from the use of sleeping pills and lithium which i was taken off of right after.Now i find there are different types of suicide.Some people i wouldnt consider suicidal cause there just bored with life its not really emotion.Some people […]
I Have posted atleast twice on this website and I have told complete internet strangers my my deepest darkest thoughts  that I havent even told my friends and I feel comfortable  posting even when I am rarely happy
Today I was excited for the walking dead Tv show to come back on the zombies calm me for some weird reason but anyway I watch my baby nephew for 12 hours 6 days a week and i get paid 150 every two weeks for watching him on top of that since i have no job I am expected to cook and clean the home at the end of the day there […]
I’m shy, but I am trying to talk a little bit. I’m scared to show to people who I am. This was hard to get into this. But I am on this website for a reason. So, new people maybe?
I’ve never done this before but I need someone who understands me to talk to. Let me start by describing myself a little bit. So I’m a 25yo woman (kid at heart). I’m told by most I look like I should be a model (I don’t see it). I have an awsome personality very down to earth open minded and supportive to others and have a lot of knowledge about life do to my own exploring. I have no kids but the best dog in the world that I would take a bullet for and a man of 6 years. But ever since I can […]
Hello guys, (edit: why is my post all written in green? its hard to read :S highlighting the text with your mouse helps)
I’ve been thinking about suicide pretty much my entire life. This is going to be quite straight up but bear with me. First, let’s talk a bit about myself so you now a little bit more about who’s writing this.
I am now 23 years old, on my last year of university here in Quebec, Canada. I’ve been studying marketing since I’ve always been really good at selling and customer service. My real passions, however, are sports, videogames and marijuana. Yes, marijuana. I won’t […]
I suppose I am doing this correctly.. I am new here after all.
My story?
It’s a little bit too long for a post that I have the patience to make right now, so let me just sum it up so you all can get a general idea of where I am coming from.
My family: I have a mom, who can be psychotic at times but a lot of moms are. I look at her more as a person rather than my mom. Sure, she might get involved in my life attempting to be my parent but for the most part she is just […]
so much has happened since my last post.
boyfriend, new school year, counselling, self harm +Â movement.
School stresses me out as its the last year of my GCSE’s 🙁
and my self harm hasnt cut down, or increased… maybe a little bit.
Everyone tries and helps me, like the ones who are most close. WHY CANT THEY STOP ME? i make promises and i just break them, making me feel even more shit about everything, i bring it all on myself so i dont know why i am like this
I started counselling start of July ever since my parents found out about my self harm, […]
Ever just watch pet fish? Watch them swim around in their bowl? Wonder if they are unhappy swimming in circles, seeing the same things, eating the same things, doing the same things? Does my fish, Flex, even know that my other fish, Murs, is in the bowl with him? Does he even notice the rainbow I put in their to help give them some scenery and something to swim through. Just like school, jobs, and sports are just thrown into the world to give us something to do. The flowers, trees, and ‘mystical wonderlands’ are just scenery to spice up the fact that we are just living in a bowl. Oh, and that fish next to you […]