I feel cornered.
The past six years of my life, I’ve been telling myself it will get better. My friends, my family, the various therapists I’ve been to, they all say the same thing: it will get better.
But now that I’m here, I realize it’s not going to get better. I’m going to be crippled by this black hole in my mind for the rest of my life. There’s no cure. I’m not interested in leading a life marked by this strange, hellish pain. I’m too tired to put up with it anymore. As much as I want to love my life, there’s simply […]
Tag:
living
I want to disappear. I don’t think I want to die as such, I just don’t want to exist, either.
That’s it really, I just don’t want to exist anymore. If I could just flick a switch and not be here anymore, I would. I would do it straight away, no questions asked. I suppose that switch is basically a permanent one, a switch of life or death.
That’s the thing though, I’m unsure whether it’s suicide I want. I want to not be here but I don’t want to be dead.
So am I suicidal? Is it suicidal to just want to disappear?
A release. I suppose that’s […]
I met her on this thursday … My best friend and my friends given me suprise by taking her at my home … when i seen her , i get shocked. I was too happy and excited when i seen her , it was just like i get my breath, i get my life… i cant tell how much i was happy…. And then she ran to me and hugged me tightly.. i just get another big shocked… it was like i get my life ,i get my everything…. and then i hugged her tightly…. and holded her hands …. we were walking together by […]
Hello, I am new to this site, I am 23 years old and I have been thinking about suicide since I was a teenager, I did not really have a difficult childhood or family life, I just fail to see the meaning in living, I am not really depressed about not achieving something, fitting in or getting acceptance from anyone, I just seem to not find any meaning to anything this universe has to offer, whether god, religion, humanity or what ever else, it seems like the human will to live is connected to all the lies we tell ourselves or the lies we are […]
I’m not sick. I don’t have relationship/family issues. I’m not living in poverty. I’m not anyone’s subject of ridicule. I don’t have any important responsibilities (pets, children). Things are going well for me. I moved into a fantastic apartment last week after staying with my mum for 5 months (before that I was living with my girlfriend, but it didn’t work out). My job is mind numbing but pays really well, and the atmosphere is very relaxed. I should be studying right now (because I want a better job) but whenever I sit down to, I don’t.
I have lots of ideas for things I want […]
I have considered suicide and homicide intermittently for years because I have trouble living with the knowledge of how horrible people are,and the despicable things they do. I feel more homicidal tonight,but thats a Good thing..its much less painful,and its pretty fucking fun,too.. If you could take a moment to consider my note,id appreciate it immensely. Has anyone ever heard of a song called “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang”? Well,look-if not you need to jump over to Youtube and witness the spectacle of a loincloth/ bikini clad Ted Nugent wearing Uggs (of course I know theyre not real Uggs,duh.they werent IN back then,but it sounds funnier.he […]
I live in constant fear, I react to everything in an exaggerated way, I have also hypersensitivity to sounds and to touch.
Low self esteem because psychological child abuses, I am all ways the different guy that everyone doesn’t want to go along. With a neurologic syndrome where is very difficult to identify feelings and other things that makes very very hard to establish relationships with others.
All this drains my energy so much that I fall into depressed states with constant toughts of suicide and stop all this shit. Have attempted before but pain was too much strong that I couldn’t cut just deep enough. Also I […]
It’s been a long sad break from this place. And man, I have no clue where I’ve wandered to. All I know is I’ve been more broken then ever these past two weeks. I want to be free. I hate feeling so chained up. Within my own mind claustrophobia is eating me away. My whole life there is one, only one thing I’ve asked for. And that is a place of belonging. Where I’m not thrown away like some non living object. I’m sick of living in the dump. You know what the dump is filled with? Worthless things that no longer have meaning or […]
I don’t form connections with people easily and when it rarely happens the other person runs a mile because I don’t deal well with it. But this time with this one person she didn’t turn her back on me. She listens to what I say for the most part, doesn’t just ignore me like everyone else did and makes me feel like I exist and matter.
I haven’t been coping very well with living lately. We work together in a high pressure environment which has me stressed out for most of time. And the past few days we’ve been arguing which I NEVER do with anyone. […]
Hi.
This is my first post. I should probably introduce myself.
I am a 21 year old girl living in New Zealand. I first began to notice a dip in my mood when I was 12-13 but understandably at that age I couldn’t quite get what the feelings were a symptom of. I constantly hit what I thought was rock bottom only to find myself continuing to slide down. I spend years battling it, as well as an accompanying eating disorder, and finally recovered fully in 2013.
I decided to leave home in order to continue my recovery journey. I have been living on my own for the […]
So this man posted his hospital bill on Reddit as an example of our flawed healthcare system and apparently, his situation is not completely unheard of. As a 20 year old who is contemplating bankruptcy because I owe 26,000 to a hospital when I was made to retract my 72hr notice several times and kept in conditions that violated my patient rights but was explained to me that I was basically less then human and had no rights several times so apparently that made the treatment ok. It’s funny because the first time I tried to off myself I was just sick of living in this […]
“You’re being selfish”, the words that any suicide debater wants to hear. Do they think this statement helps us. We already feel like a failure, or dumb, or fat, or ugly, or useless, but now we are selfish, thanks so much for the added negative title! In my perspective, they are the ones being selfish! They want me to keep living in this miserable world. They are not living my life, so to me they are the ones being selfish. I am already at a breaking point , does people dealing with a suicide debater, really think adding another negative title to my persona helps? […]
In 11th grade, everything began to fall apart. I lost all motivation in everything. I had to accept the reality that I would be graduating high school, and many of my friends would be gone from my life. I stopped studying because I didn’t see a point. I had realised that I was completely alone and helpless in life. My friends wouldn’t be with me forever. They could never fully understand me. I began to wonder why I was living. Emotions were something that were very important to me, but I realised that to the universe, they are meaningless. I could fall in love with […]
I have my house and my garden,but i crumble knowing that i have been a cheater.i cant get over it,ooo its so dam bad.i have been smoking an drink for years,wy am i still here?
i have always like my life but i have cheated for many year
a frend of mine i used to work with,he treat me like shit but the others so well
i am living knowing that i have cheated.i try to be a good man.i treat my kids well.they are adults most of them
pleas can i go back to nature whit the birds and animals?
I tink i belong there
it is lovly
And I’m not talking about the people who have had close brushes with death and feel like they are living on borrowed time (you know, the ones who are like “a piano almost fell and killed me! Now I will live life to the fullest!”). Or maybe I am? I have survived from a very real attempt at suicide. I always wanted to die. I have tried plenty of other times but was always stopped or prevented. I hate that when you die, the people who treated you the worst are never the remorseful ones. The funny thing is that they are the ones who […]
I don’t know why I continue living this pointless existence. I’m an idiot, nobody gives a shit about me if anything they hate me, and things will never change. I went through all of my previous facebook posts and conversations and I feel like everything I’ve said is just so fucking stupid and judging my the number of likes (1-4 max) everyone else feels the same way. This is the 3rd or 4th time I’ve been seriously suicidal and now I don’t see the point of taking medication to hide my idiocy from myself, I’m never going to have a worthwhile life. It’s only fear […]
So I finally thought I had a reason to keep living. I thought I was going to be finally happy again in my life that I hadn’t felt in years. I thought it was good again. I finally fixed things with the girl and the love of my life. But like always I fuck everything up in my life and make things bad again. So now being back down again I find out I have to have a heart ultrasound done cuz I might have a thick heart or something like that. And if I have anything wrong with my heart I can’t do the […]
I wonder if I should just remain eternally at 16,
just stopping time in its track before it strikes 12 before the 16th of July.
Should I fufill the promise of 10 years ago,
and put an end to this chapter,
or should I break it to stay?
Time whipping by before my eyes,
this deed long over dued,
I’m living on borrowed time.
To disappear into foam while looking at the sky,
to be one with that nothingness that I loved,
to merge with the being known as emptiness and be non-existant.
Strangely I feel content,calm even,
I’m at peace, I am one with myself,
the summer breeze toys with my hair- and I look out into […]
I love it…
I love feeling the sharp pain as the razor slides across my skin and flesh,creating an opening…
I love the euphoric feelings that comes with every new cut…
I love feeling in control of myself…
I love mutilating myself,through cutting or any other way…
Basically,I only live to harm myself.Smoke as much as I can and hope I get lung cancer.Cut as long and deep as I can until I go to the ER to get fixed.Drink as much as I can,until I collapse into an alcoholic blackout and wake up 24 hours later…
I have learned to enjoy physical pain…As I said,it’s the only thing I keep […]