I haven’t grown weary of life yet, I’m just deeply frustrated. There have been thoughts of death lingering in my mind. They’re not constant, but they’re frequent enough to be distressing. I’m too scared to take the so-called coward’s way out. The act of dying frightens me too deeply to try suicide. I’ve been slogging through the days, somehow keeping my academics mostly intact, but I don’t know how long I can keep going, as I find myself procrastinating a lot. I’m not a strong person, and although I’m not quite convinced I should die, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep […]
Tag:
Loneliness
You never know how alone you really are until you look around and no one is there. Yes, I have friends who say that they’re there for me, but are they really? Well, that’s what they want me to think. By them telling me that they are, they think I believe it. Where are they now? Where have they been? They may be here physically, right beside me most of the time, but they aren’t really. For the last two years I have suffered from depression, gone though a long phase of anorexia, bulimia and cutting, no one knows about my struggle other than my closest […]
it feels as though im in a thick blanket of cold and darkness all alone with no one to help me. i have many people there for me, my friends, my boyfriend, even my sister, but it seems like their help is no use to me. i try to accept it, i try to explain to them how i am feeling but they fail to understand me. they dont get me and how i am and i feel. its as if me telling them everything is useless. i dont like telling them everything but they want to know and all i want is for them […]
I just don’t understand the world. Why are there so many lonely people?? You’d think that with millions of people in the world, we’d all have someone. But somehow, we’re all alone. Hundreds of people sitting at home at night with their loneliness squeezing their insides, making them want to cry, or cut or scream or commit. I know I’m the only one I need. I know I’m the only one I have. But why do I still feel this loneliness choking me, welling up in my throat, making me want to cut to let out the frustration?? Therapists say, talk to someone, it will […]
I’ve read many posts on this site, and the many responses that went with them. I realized that it was the same thing over and over again, someone is hurting and they reach out to anyone who might listen. Then those compassionate few who happens to stumble on the post responds. It’s like an endless cycle, you know? To all those people who are suffering, I just want to say I’m sorry that I can’t help you much. I honestly don’t know what to say to you, “Just stay in the game, it’ll work out…don’t give up”? It’s  not the most convincing advise. So, I just want […]
Basically I feel like I want to die most days. Some days I am ok, but I am a very depressed person, I let my depression consume me. I really need some anti-depressants, but I am still waiting for my health insurance to kick-in so I can see a psychiatrist. I believe in God, but I don’t understand why I feel bad enough to want to kill myself. I’ve been thinking about killing myself for years but something always stops me. I don’t think I will actually kill myself, but I have thought about how I would do it.
I am currently living in Philly, […]
For the last 5 years i have been feeling like my life lead me to the middle of nowhere. I become more invisible day by day and others care less and less about my presence. You might say its because i don’t communicate or interact with world, but no, it would not be true. It is just because i just don’t fit in, and my attempts are noticed just for a short time and i always end up alone and disappointed. No matter how funny or talkative i am for one moment in the next one i am just gone. It seems others make friends […]
What do you want?
Life can be very difficult, I know how bad it can get, The pain of losing someone is second to none. If you know that pain then i am truly sorry for you. How about that I’m starting to tear up in a public internet cafe in Delhi, and i already kind of stick out!!
Things that have helped me, I mediated three times a day, it is an amazing stress release and it helps me loads, I try to surround myself in friends and new people. Do not hide away, sometimes you need to be alone, but do not linger, loneliness breads depression […]
“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before and people continue to disappoint them.”
I was doing ok for a while….busy, had an relatively active social life, pursuing my dream (acting)….but now, seems as though things have come full stop. I hate it!!! Starting to think those dark thoughts again….starting to wonder if it’s really worth it. Hate my job!!! Hate my life!!! Hate being alone. Sure, I have my family (minus my Dad who passed away in Feb), but I really don’t want to burden them. This is my ordeal. I think I need to keep busy, it’s only when I’m busy that I don’t have a chance to think. Sitting and thinking is death. Thinking about my […]
Day started bright and early, headed out to do an activity with a group of people. People I hardly know, yet they know me…
Throughout the day we were mostly working outside in the hot sun. I don’t do too well in the heat…
Feeling of loneliness in the crowd of people began to set in. No happiness could be found…
There was one thing that kept the spirits up, seeing those pretty butterflies and dragonflies fly around happily. They kept me going and working…
After many hours pass, the group begins to take their leave. I begin to pack up too…
On my way to my car, I see the […]
Ever since I can remember I’ve been alone. When I was a baby my dad left and I’ve never met him, my so called mum wanted to give me to foster care but my nanna stepped in and took me in. My poppa mostly ignored me when I was growing up and he and my Nanna divorced when I was 10. I lived with my Nanna for a year. When we were living together she started a relationship with this guy and all I remember is her telling me it had ended with him because I was a bad kid. Then she sent me to live […]
It’s the loss of control
No, it isn’t giving up your motor functions. You can move, you can talk and you can open and close your eyes; but open eyes see a hostile world that tolerates its own crumbling demise, but not yours, and closed eyes see the slanted razor you most certainly think will take the pain away. Move, if you wish, but wherever your legs carry you, your shame and guilt, your self condemnation will follow at your heels, eating away at your resolve and desire. Speak, my friend. Speak, but only what they want, because anything but is a pretension of higher knowledge […]
I really don’t want to commit suicide, but in my case, I think it may be my only way to avoid a life of complete suffering for many more years.
I’m a single, middle aged woman, no children or spouse. Â I have siblings whom I no longer can have a relationship with, for valid and good reasons. Â While I have friends, and I appreciate them, they have their own families and their own lives, I cannot count on them to alleviate the loneliness. Â I’m incredibly, incredibly lonely.
But, I’ve always been a “fighter” … until now. Â I’ve gone through trial after trial through my years on this […]
People have called me selfish for feeling suicidal but really I am far from it. I have just thought about it and when I die I would like my donate my body to help other people who need the help. I have done pretty pathetic things in my time in order to lets say “make up” for things I fail at in life. I sleep with a dumbell or my little dog in order to make up for that loneliness I feel in my heart. My dog though is one of the things that keeps me alive. To see her little tail wagging when she […]
I consider myself very blessed. I have a good job, I am somewhat successful even though I am not wealthy. My family is did functional but who’s is not. For the last month I have been feeling down. I had a bad break up a while ago and I was doing fine, seeing other people and just having fun. But lately I cannot break free from this hold over me, I hardly eat I am easily angered and I lost interest in my hobbies. I feel as if I am lost in a crowd. I feel like I am doomed to loneliness for eternity. I […]
My life has been getting harder and harder. I’m completely fucked up. I’m sadistic.  Corrupted as a child, and now completely twisted inside. I’ve seen too much for a teenager. My family is the exact opposite of your typical white picked fenced happy-go-lucky families. My Dad a bipolar screaming gym head with horrid anger issues. My mother, too physically impaired to even care about anything but going back home to her “Real” family. I have no siblings. I have no friends. It’s hard enough that I’m extremely timid and shy, it upsets me to an extreme to simply look someone in the eye. But also people don’t […]
I have been so alone lately and the loneliness is starting to get to me. I thought I was wanted in my family but I’ve learned that it was all a big fat lie. No one wants me and I’m the most unimportant part of their lives. I just want to drop off the face of the earth and never come back and I won’t care if they would miss me because they don’t miss me now so I just want it all to be over. All they ever wanted from me was someone one to complain to or have to do them favors I […]
Lately I’ve been pulled in by this weird trance like gaze. Anything I look at I start to key in and never blink. Behind the stare in the eyes is sadness, bitterness and impatience. My lids seem frozen in time, my teeth lock, and my heart slows to a crawl (not sure if literally). I then shakes my head and keep doing things at lightning speed. Rush rush rush. If I can’t die then I have to force myself to be blindly fast. Unfortunately my blinding fast is going from a snail to a tortoise. It’s faster for me but not really fast to everyone […]
Is the pleasures of the afterlife being good to you? Or is religion correct and are you suffering for being who you were just like you were here? I never understood why you went back on your word right in front of me that night and did what you did, but now I do. The loneliness, betrayal, judgment and depression all got to you. You felt like no one understood you, and I thought you were wrong, but now I realize that you were right, no one did understand you or your struggles, not even me. I’m still not sure if I did the right […]