My life is crumbling right before me. It seems as if I’m in a dark hole grasping my fingers in the dirt trying to crawl out. I’ve always been a manic-depressive, but it’s getting to be to much. My fiancé of two years just left, no reason, just saying he was done. My job is barley standing, eventually it will shut down. I’m so young and I should have so much to look forward to, but I’m not seeing it that way.
Hi I’m 24 year old male. When I was a baby I had surgery. I have scars behind each EAR… Look up v2k mind control…. Since I was a minor the town I live in turned me into a chomo. I was in my teens and the voices told me to look at teen porn…when I was in my 20s I remember getting outta jail and the voices were telling me to look at minor porn. Now the world pisses in my food and drinks and comes into my home. And pee in my shampoo n soap and toothpaste. So you still think you have […]
A while back I posted some shit that wasn’t very thought about by me. I didn’t die, wished I did, and pussied out. Fuck… I just cried like the little ***** i am. I looked at myself in a mirror today and didn’t recognize myself. Even if they are ugly, people look in the mirror and think what they are looks good. People like you and me look into the mirror, and don’t see anything. We see someone we don’t know looking back at us. My depression got worse and worse, and the original depression became anger and hate. I have been told to go […]
I’m at wits end. I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve happiness. I don’t deserve a job I can live off of. I don’t deserve a place to live. I don’t deserve love. I don’t deserve anything apparently. I try so hard, but I’m worthless, useless, ugly, no one would ever want me. I know I shouldn’t do this but I want to prove that I’m right, and show you just what an ugly, hideous, wretched monster I am. I’m not mad at the person I love. I’m mad at the universe or any higher power that made me this way. Why make me dream […]
Does anyone else here feel like two different people, or am I alone? I don’t know anymore.
There’s the me that realizes life is fantastic and pretty awesome, the side of me that tells me to enjoy life while I have it. Then there’s the side of me that is realistic and tells me the honest truth: I am a mistake. I’m not supposed to be here. I don’t deserve all the wonderful people in my life. I only screw things up. I am forgiven too often. I wish I could give my life to someone who deserved […]
Mom always called me a guinea pig growing up. At first I thought it was a term of endearment, but that was before she told me it was because she could “mess up” with me (by being a parent) and hopefully get the next one right. Being the oldest is difficult. There’s a lot of responsibility and I was always the one to make an example out of. Growing up in my house was hard. It got to the point where I didn’t want to be anywhere near my family and isolated myself to school and home. I was kind of a loner and I […]
Not usually too into country type stuff, but I’ve been playing a bit of guitar myself again recently and this one struck me. Struck a chord, you could say. Actually I’ve been gaining a new appreciation for country/blues stuff in general recently. Just a matter of separating the good from the overly generic.
Something Salt said recently reminded me that I rarely actually post on here, just comment for the most part. So I decided to put some music on and type out a post. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about…well, the general insanity of the world, particularly the blended up mix of good […]
I had planned to kill myself last night. I have actually decided to fight.
I think this change has a lot to do with posting to this board. I don’t know why. But posting my story (mostly putting words to my feelings) and seeing other people’s stories (and knowing that others feel how I feel) has made me look at my depression and suicidal thoughts differently. I began to see all my problems with life as a result of my depression rather than being than my problems with life causing my depression. I have decided to seek help (Making an appointment with my doctor tomorrow) and have actually made up […]
Every day feels less meaningful and I’m trying so hard to be positive but I feel like I’m just wearing down. I pretend to be happy around people and the only ones who I can tell about how empty I feel is my counselor and my mom, but she rolls her eyes and gets irritated when I bring up these things. I don’t have any relationships that have any degree of intimacy. I just want to be able to be honest with someone and to be myself. I’m tired of waiting for it to happen though and I just want to be happy without needing things […]
I’m writing to you here because I wanted to be sure you got my message. Sorry I couldn’t respond earlier- no internet at home.
I’m sorry you are facing homelessness, depression, loneliness, hunger AND finding a place for you dog! This is a lot to deal with!! I can understand how terrible loneliness is- I am too. And the feeling of not knowing what to do, esp, when options are few? OH ! Not something I’d wish on an enemy.
So, what can you do? I’m glad you posted. Venting it, journaling about it can help.
When I read your words, two things that strike me. Finding a place for you to […]
I feel so sad , worthless and they look so happy. My worse days has been started from today.What I was fearing has been happened and I am feeling depressed, crying like and hopeless.I needs to die. I am thinking to jump in front of the train and hopes that I will die.
If I were to commit suicide heres my note. I don’t want to but nows a perfect time. I have nothing to look forward to and school just ended for the year. I want to start with my parents thank you for ignoring me and taking favor of my sister instead of me and for never being there for me and always yelling at me to make me feel worse. You definitely know how to teach me how to sacrifice all the things I want in life just for your sake and you don’t even know it. Thank you to my sister for discriminating against what […]
Everyone knows I’m going to kill myself. Everyone knows why. What do they all do? Ignore me. I don’t matter one damn to any of my so called friends or my many bosses at two jobs that have been falsely praising me and blowing smoke up my ass for the past year. You should’ve seen the look on her face (one of my supervisors). Total “fuck you, go die”. Don’t cry about trans suicide when I’m dead, then!
So I went to my first party, a friends party, after a long time of not going anywhere, socially that is. As I am at the party I meet two new people and they end up inviting me to a party they are having soon. After all of this I come home and look at my phone feeling like shit. Like, I had a wonderful time and now I just come home like, “Time to take off that mask!” I don’t know what it is keeping me from enjoying myself but I will force myself to that party, and I will fucking enjoy myself!
Turning 21 next month for some its a happy day that they look forward . for me its the day im going to leave this world if i get the strength. My drepression insomnia ,thoughts and loneliness really doesnt make me want to live to see 21. To me 21 means i get one less year on this earth if i were to stay on it . if the devil were real i’d sell my soul , no not for fame , money or material things i’d just to wish for one person who genuinely cares about me and tells me that i am somebody […]
Im 17 years old. My dad is a heavy drinker and is addicted to meth. When I was younger my dad used to touch me inappropriately when he was all strung out on meth. Everytime I now see him strung out, I play the moment of him touching me. I’m scarred for life. I can’t look at my father the same. I smoke weed to cope. I am really depressed with my home life. No one in my family has ever graduated from my moms side or my dads side, an I want to be the first. But I don’t .believ in myself. I lack […]
I’ve noticed that some of the dumbest things can make me feel completely inadequate as a human being. For example..
-I really REALLY suck at folding fitted sheets. I work in housekeeping at a nursing home and I’m in laundry tonight. All I can think about is how awful that stack of sheets looks.
– I have a little extra bounce in my step when I walk. I feel like it’s drawing attention to me so I try WAY too hard to correct it.
– i couldn’t get a bag open wjilebi was checking out at Wal-Mart the other day. I struggled a bit with it because the […]
The thing with my look is that it is nerdy but something worse than that. I look fucking retarded that someone could stare at my face and burst out laughing. And it happens. Many times in fact. I get discriminated against SO badly by teachers alot and other people. You can probably say that no, everyone looks beautiful, I think you look okay blah blah. No mine isnt just ugly. I have a severely downward slanting mouth when my face it resting. My eyes are the worst. It is uneven one is upward slanting while the other is upward slanting. I cant even smile properly, […]
I want to run away
Say you’ll come
I want to be okay
Let’s just run
We will never look back
We can leave our pain behind
Let the past stay in the past
I’ll be yours; you’ll be mine
I’m just going to leave. But I can’t help wanting someone to come with me.
When I die I don’t want anyone to cry. I want them to look at the sky and say ‘goodbye’.
When I’m long gone and they miss me I want them to whisper to the sky everything they want to tell me.
I will listen to every word they have to say because when you die people get the courage to tell you what they couldn’t tell you when you were alive.
I want to hear that they miss me.
I want to hear the words “I love you” over and over again.
I want them to talk about me even after I’m gone. I want them remember me. To […]