After I lost my friend, I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to, I wound up joining the wrong crowd. I was always a little bit of a drinker, I mean I liked the taste. But I got a little too tipsy one night, and I wound up sleeping with this guy whose last name I still don’t even know. I wound up getting pregnant after that, but I tragically lost the baby before I could even tell anyone, including my family. I wound up spiraling down into depression and “cutting” and I was just in a funk. As soon as I […]
Fuck it.
Fuck myself, fuck everything.
I’m in a perpetual emotional tilt. Dazed and confused. Head spinning.
Legs shaking. Feel like smashing stuff.
I would be a calm guy, I would. I am that guy. But have no choice anymore. I’m losing it.
There’s no choice. It all bullshit. Its in me and from the past. Its fatum.
Hey, I believed in peace and justice and all that. But seriously, if I had power, before abolishing this type of financial system, etc, I would FUCKING WHIP everybody first!
Just fucking burn, Just fucking burn.
All nonsense. I have nothing, nothing. Worthy men have died younger than me, so what the fuck? Why do I fucking […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. I was getting better, but it all just got ruined. I’m not sure that I want to move back home now. There won’t really be anyone waiting for me there. I’m just so confused. I don’t want to cry anymore and I don’t want to feel so inferior. I know, someone can only make you feel inferior if you let them. That’s easier said than done though. I just wish I could end it all, but every. single. fucking. attempt. Has failed.
I just can’t stand this anymore. I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t very […]
rubyblossom. / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA
Running in circles,
You fall,
Digging deeper,
Confused.
Lost.
Your lost.
Breathing…
Seeing…
Heart beating…
Blood rushing through your veins.
But what is this filth that your breathing?
What is this desecration that your seeing?
Why is your heart beating when you don’t really live?
Why is your blood flowing when you can’t understand your life or what’s left of it?
Life…
Living a terminal disease,
Everyday you live your moving closer to dying.
Try and show yourself why…
You don’t know why…
You can’t find the truth.
You don’t know where your going.
People lose your trust.
But who are you to trust when you can’t even trust yourself?
Your psyche […]
It was during Christmas break last year, when I couldnt stand my life anymore. My stepparents left so i was locked in my room. when they leave my friend would come over. That day i thought she was practicing with her band. I then busted my door open, ran to my parents bedroom and grabbed my stepmothers sleeping pills. It was an entire bottle, 250 pills. I then i drew a bath. i got into the bathtup, took all of the pills and slit my wrist. If you slit your wrists and submerge them in water you’ll bleed out faster. FROM THIS POINT ON […]
I have been through a lot but mainly it’s been all in my head but I’m proud that I’m here still, alive and fighting! Each day is a struggle but there are moments in each day that I am thankful to have been their to experience it. Hope is that glimmer of light in the dark tunnel, that peace of mind that you get once in a while and most importantly “tomorrow”. I’ve cried myself to sleep most nights and I’ve even had no sleep once but through it all I was just happy to be alive. Pain is a good thing because it means […]
Honestly, I’m scared. I’m scared of everything because since March I have been trying to find ways to get by. I’ve used every goddamn coping skill you could think of. All of them and sure they relieve how I feel but it doesnt change it in the long run. I was stupid when I tried to die. I was supposed to jump. That was my plan initially, but I got fucking scared of being stopped, being seen, so I found an alternative. I should’ve known it wouldn’t work. I should’ve thought of what would happen afterwards. I admit since going to the hospital I enjoy […]
Hi. My name is Ashley.
I’ve been struggling with depression since I was 9 years old. I’m 19 now.
I recently got the diagnosis of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder with a behavioural disorder due to drug and alcohol use at a young age.
Just over a month ago I gave up. I tried to commit suicide in the past but I never did it right, so naturally nobody took me seriously when I told them how I was feeling. This time was different. My lungs gave out, they had to do my breathing manually. When I woke up they sectioned me. I was put into my local mental […]
To whom ever says they know me
If I didn’t want to live
Here is what I’d give
I’d give the breathe that fills my lungs
The food that will taste sour to my tongue
I would give the wayward mind I have
The undecided and unknown path
I’d give up everything
If I didn’t want to live
If I didn’t like humanity
Understand without unnecessary pity
We are overly selfish and dramatic
Obnoxiously annoying and spastic
We dwell to long on things I want forgotten
Too many people assume how I’ve gotten
If I didn’t like humanity
Perhaps I didn’t want to live
If I didn’t like myself
Here is the basic line up on the shelf
I am pudgy to others […]
I saw my mum for the first time in a few weeks today. She turned to me and said all she has in the world is me, my brother and her husband, but that I was her rock. She’s been going through her own trouble, battling her own demons for a long time. Little did she know her rock was crying down the phone to the Samaritans last night, that I was crying down the phone just to feel something. How can I ever tell her that I want to die? How can I tell her that every day I smash up my sanity just […]
When I look forward and try to picture my future I see absolutely nothing. That petrifies me, that feeling of dread catches in my lungs and I don’t know what to do. How do I make it go away? Dear god I need something. The blade is not enough anymore, I love her, I always will, but it’s becoming dull. I fantasise about suicide, the how’s and when’s … pills or hang from a rope or a trip off a ledge, if you dare. I want more than anything to make it stop; I need it all to fucking stop. I have never attempted, I […]
Sugar on your tongue
Inhale
Water licks my blood
Dead pale
Rain fills up my lungs
It’s hail
It’s a hand she held to my chest
Lips to my neck
I didn’t understand
Poison on her breath
Sleeping in her bed
Blood on the sheets
A memory that brings back memories
Red
Sink back, sink stained
Red
Fear
Black out, panic
Fear
Breathe
Drowning, in blood
Breathe
I yearned for his heat
Warm skin
Lust from curiosity
To sin
Exposed to release
Longing
It’s a lack of guidance
A cowards ignorance
No answers given when the questions aren’t asked
I wasn’t okay but no one cared about my pain
Blue
Growing up I was the happiest little kid possible. But I dont know if I was truly happy.
I was constantly lied to from the time I was born. Always told that I was Mexican and Black because thats what my mom said to me. So I told others that, I tried to fit in but then I found out the real truth in about 3rd grade. When my mom told me that I was really black and white  I went and told my friends. Worst mistake of my life. I was in 3rd grade and labled as the biggest lier possible
Nothing made it better. […]
The water fills her lungs
Her body begins to chill slowly
Floating in the middle of the ocean
As life flourishes around her
Her life drifts away
Moments are all that’s left now
As she takes her last but final breath
She prays to the heavens above her
To forgive her for what shes done.
She opens her eyes again
Light burning her eyes
She thanks haven for letting her have the chance to have eternal life
But the rest of her senses arise
She hears the beeping of her heart monitor
And she sighs with pain
She has failed once again…
Another long one.
Seems like a good time to continue on with my confession. I ended the last post after I was caught. I injured myself for four years before my mom saw….. but then again you see what you want to see. My sister an I were always held to a higher standard than most kids. If we got a B on anything we were grounded. A’s were all my mom cared about. Nothing else. She got on to us for every little thing, making it a contest between the two of us. That is the main reason my sister and I started fighting. After […]
Well, I am here now, after I couldn’t figure out where to go finally I found this site, and I hope this is gonna help me.Â
I had severe depression for two and a half-three years. My story started when I turned four or five, my brother started to act weird. First he was hurting me all the time, he was nine at the time, but it was okay, this is no big deal between siblings. I was always the type of kid who is playing alone and trying to stay out of trouble. My brother started to fight with my parents, first it wasn’t […]
I’m not going to graduate. I know I’m not
My family, mainly my dad, who’s beeing emotionally abusive for years and years due to school, will abandon me, or maybe worse.
I mean nothing to most people who live near me, my only friends are words on a screen and they have kept me going whenever i tried to give up
but i cant keep putting it off.
Im a failure, and I need to get out of here.
I’ve wanted a painless, peaceful death for a long time, I’ve thought about sitting in my car in the garage, but sadly ive been told it wont work.
I’ve thought about vodka+pills, […]
Lock the key to my heart. Never again will I let my pain start. Its now just healing, no sorrow to show, that love can hurt. But I will grow into the women that I know. Sometimes love will let you go…Hold your breath, forget,forgive. And it will show he’ll miss you dearly when you go. Be the person your happy to be. Until death takes part, when you’ll be let free. Freedom does last, it does show. Everyone has their opinions, so just let it go. Tomorrow is another chance to show to just have fun being me, until ill let go. Sometimes I […]
“wake up” no one says and she rises to a lonely cold morning, its only four and shes not tired.. she walks to the kitchen, feet padding softly on the white tile. The bright glow from the fridge lights up half of the small apartment and she sighs. “thanks for the dinner.” she muttered in pain, the girl hadn’t eaten in two days because everyone else got to the fridge first. after a burning hot shower she stood in front of the steamy mirror staring at her horrid reflection.. tan skin, almost boy short tangled hair and scars on her face.. the girls took her […]
It seems that ever since I found out that my only love is expecting a child i’ve changed.
It was as if my heart had been poisoned..I thought it would surely kill me at first, the first week and a half that I spent crying, moaning, and begging for my life to be ended.
I’d even go out for walks late at night and hope someone would cause me harm. Kill me and leave my body in the gator infested swamps that someone or something may stand to gain from my life.
Pain so deep that it turned my heart black and my blood like tar. […]
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