I have known my husband for 5 years, married for 3.
I have come to the conclusion that one does not know loneliness until married to someone who ignores you.
Intimacy and sex are very important to me. I love cuddling, massaging, touching, and making love to my husband. My husband does not reciprocate very much. And now he also doesn’t have sex very much. My husband has depression. In the last 6 1/2 months we have had sex 4 times. 4 (that’s four) times in 6 1/2 months (little over half a year). We used to have sex everyday.
My husband also likes to […]
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man
im living on borrowed time here because i cant find the courage inside of me to commit suicide, and its tearing me apart. i want everyone to forget that i exist. i wish i could live in the shadows so that if i died, no one would notice and i wouldnt hurt anyone. i havent attempted anything but im scared that ill fail and ill have to live with everyone knowing my secret. my depression is my secret and ive been living with it for three years. it started when i was fourteen and i felt the depression grow with me. as i got older […]
Damn, I have gotten fired up these past few weeks. A strange zest for life cloaks me. I’ve been feeling so empowered to turn my life around. However, in the back of my mind I am always calculating my next existential crisis. I feel like my depression and anxiety might be hiding around the corner waiting to beat me down to a vegetative state. I don’t want that shit to happen man. I hate crying myself to sleep. And occasionaly I picture myself in a funeral suit, it makes me cringe. I hate these thoughts because they push me to the edge of insanity.
I’ve asked myself so many times ‘why am I alone’ when I see other men around me in relationships. Well, women know a loser when they see one, and will avoid at all costs, that’s why I remain on my own. I feel I must give off an invisible air of sadness and desperation that repels women as what woman wants a broken and useless man? Try as I might I can’t seem to change how I feel about myself, when anxiety becomes ingrained over time it seems impossible to change it, the dream is over for me, only a lonely future remains and I […]
I’m a 23 year old guy. Finished My Uni degree last year. The last year of uni was rough to say the least. Went through a lot of cutting and now my left arm is a ruined mess, scars so big and ugly that there is no hope in hell of ever wearing short sleeves again.
I felt so defeated by the time I completed my degree that I didn’t go to my graduation ceremony and I only picked up my certificate 5 months later. I haven’t gotten any jobs since then, been unemployed for a whole year. My family ridicules and demeans me at every […]
Alright well I can say I’m ok but I’d be lying. Then again it might be better to lie and smile and act as if I am ok and nothing is wrong… this is what I tell myself when ever anyone asks are you ok…or how are you… I guess its time I be honest. Well its been happening since age 6. My mom ain’t in the room, or my at school teaching, at the store whichever. So me and my dad and brother are home. We seem to get in arguements alot my brother overreacts easily as well as my dad next thing i […]
There’s a pile of row boats on the beach and I’m wondering how well I could get away with rowing myself out really far on the lake in the middle of night, taking my pills and throwing myself over with a cinder block… LOL I am drinking too which is rare and I get stupid after a drink or two. But that would be more fitting for a viking like me! To die in the water where I belong!
I’ve considered outlandish things like if I could get away with going to Vegas to end it, until I really got an awesome idea that would be […]
Normal. Kissing a man. Normal. Friends. Body contact/hugs, kisses. Normal. Couple with a baby. Normal. Walking up the stairs, riding a bike, doing sports. Normal. Mother, father, family. Normal. Driving a car. Being slim. being blonde. Fuck the media, the picture you are showing us is “NORMAL”. Normal. Normal. Normal. I am SICK of this normal world!!!
Empty from crying. Tomorrow to work again. smile, you’re on camera. being watched. don’t cry in public – you may be considered as being mentally ill in this society.
I have the easiest wish a human being can have. Somebody LOVE me. Someone, anyone, lay your arms around me and […]
I get told quite often that I’m a humble man. I’m only 20, but maybe this rings true to my personality. Why though? I think it’s because of all the shit that’s been thrown at me for as far back as I can remember. All the bullying, all the death and loss, all the yelling. I always wanted it to go away, to end and never once start up again. A futile request…I know.
But I think that is what has made me humble. Because I can’t care anymore. No matter how much I try to muster up an ounce of fucks to give about […]
The thought of death always occur to me. Eating, showering, every fucking time. But as always, I stay at the gray area. Always. Always. Both doors open at the same time. Change or death? Both seems so nice. Bipolar? Me? I dunno, man. I don’t get a fucking thing. Sometimes, I’m too high to function. Sometimes, I’m too low to function. AND WELL SOMETIMES I’M JUST A FUCKING COWARD. I am the worst. The most disgusting asshole. I am fucking weak. A coward. I am ugly. My body is too fucking thin. Like fucking 33kg. My jaws are too large. But nevertheless, my lover loved […]
I’ve been a suicideproject reader for a year now. Been depressed for 8 years, but it’s getting on and off.
Why is it so hard to leave this world? Why is it not legal to end our own life?
I keep thinking about the homeless people, people who went crazy and just roam around in the streets. I put myself into their shoes and it made me more depressed. I thought that maybe someday I will become like them. NO!! I can’t take it anymore. I want to take my own life as soon as possible. I always cry every night. Even though I am still hanging […]
I always meet the people I went to school with. I am always happy to see them suited up and happy. Of course we catch up on certain memories. They tell me about how they’re climbing the status ladder at their corporate jobs, their kids and all that. And then comes the ultimate question that I dread the most…………. ” WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE??”
Has any of you SP members been caught up in such a situation? Damn that question feels like shards of bomb shrapnel coming straight at you. Like what the fuck do you want me to say man?? Hahaha I […]
A little something I wrote. Feedback appreciated.
There once was a man, a traveler . His goal was to reach the other side of the world. Along the way he had to stop and wait for his second flight. It didn’t come till the next day. He saw another man in the city who had lived there for many years. But when he approached the man and asked where he was from, he just said “oh I’m just stopping by, I’m not really from here”, but he did not look like the other people from the town. Interested, the man tried to learn more about the […]
Not being sexist but most men want a women that is slightly beneath them and I think relationships that have a clear order work best. Women follow and men are leaders. I suggest finding a man that is slightly above your own status, smarter than you by a hair, and respects you. You will get bored with a man that doesn’t keep you on your toes. I think it’s very important for a woman to have a strong man. All the miserable women Ive ever met were dominant over their man. A man that doesn’t have his balls isn’t a man. If you think he’s […]
hahaha. So let me explain or digress rather. This deaf guy walked by and he had a sign on his laptop bag bravely strung around his neck that read: speak up and speak clearly to my face please, I am hard of hearing. Where the fuck did that expression come from. I’m hard of hearing? I’m hard FROM hearing. I’m hard TO hear. I’m hard BY hearing. What the fuck is hard of hearing. Doesn’t even make sense. This language man. And my own personal joke that nobody else but Hjertsblomst will get: Fuck norwegians. It’s killz by the way. I felt you may not […]
I dont have any fight left in me. Im 30, I was married for 11 years. My divorce should be finalized next month.
He left me for someone else. He told our daughter shes her new stepmom. I never wanted kids yet I have three and a baby on the way.
My husband controlled my life. I wasnt allowed to work or go to college, for a long time I wasnt even allowed to drive.
Last year when he asked for a divorce I joined a dating website and met a man. I fell in love, I never loved my husband this way. This man turned out to […]
” Society knows perfectly well how to kill a man and has methods more subtle than death” -Andre Gide.
i don’t know why this is on my mind. just life is full of bullshit and people think I’m fucking crazy for being suicidal and when i tell them they just say I’m selfish and shouldn’t be like this. they just don’t understand. i put on a front and act happy round my family but no one really knows who i truly am and how i feel. life is just bullshit man
And I know, you’re a good man
And I wonder, what was I going to say
I failed, I should of kept, the HM
Of Flash, for Clefairy
All into the fraught
Close to the, from the peril
Fallacy done to the Lamb
I don’t know
Even on the Game Boy
Close to the, from the peril
I know but I don’t know but I know that you don’t know
What
Even on the Game Boy
I could of been closer to the, Graveler
Even on the Game Boy
Why is an Onyx afraid of the water, I wonder
But I know and I already said
But I don’t get it, the ‘Rock Snake Pokemon’
My, Dragonyte
It’s been a long ride man. I’m soon derailing the train and go on an infinite cosmic quest in the realm of the unknown. Next week I end it all. I have already printed my suicide note. Already dropped it at my big brother’s corporate office. He then messaged me on facebook with his banal Jesus loves you grace preaching. As thought it will liberate me from my draconian fate.
Life is just funny man. I never thought I’d tread such a dreary path. I don’t wanna live any more. Lost all Hope, Lost all passion for life. Hahahaha I even quit my fucking job yesterday, […]