I’ve decided to give peace to my weary soul and shed the shell of human self. I have spent so much time going in and out of the reality of human existence, to realms far beyond the soul. Death and Rebirth without intention. My soul is eternal but this flesh is weak and poisoned. Is there salvation for aching bones and tethered flesh? A mind decayed by substance, a soul that cries for renewal. “Feed me to the bliss of abyss” pleads my soul. When i open my eyes and I realize I am myself again and I look at my skin and I […]
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matter
Why do we pick days for suicide? I have been trying to plan mine for a fucking year, maneuvering the date around birthdays or special occasions. But then I realized, it doesn’t matter what day it is. It doesnt matter if we leave a note expressing our apologies to loved ones or telling them how much we love them. It is never going to take the pain away. Suicide is selfish and I’m not going to bullshit myself anymore. It just is. But people make selfish decisions all the time, not revolving around death. I’m choosing this for me. For once in my life, I’m […]
Everyone knows I’m going to kill myself. Everyone knows why. What do they all do? Ignore me. I don’t matter one damn to any of my so called friends or my many bosses at two jobs that have been falsely praising me and blowing smoke up my ass for the past year. You should’ve seen the look on her face (one of my supervisors). Total “fuck you, go die”. Don’t cry about trans suicide when I’m dead, then!
Why did I fall so deeply in love with you that I can’t get over you when you got over me in matter of seconds! Why do I still see you in my dreams! Why do I think of you when I wake up or when I sleep. What was the point of me loving you when you broke my heart and treated me like I was nothing but a whore to you? Why did any of this happen.
I’m just so fucking stuck. No matter what I do, I’m stuck.
A little back story: my abusive boyfriend of a year and a half and I mutually split. It ended on a really, really bad note. I tend to just push it out of my mind and go numb to get over someone, which was working fine with him, until he messaged me again to try to be just friends. He knows shit like this ruins all my progress, every single time. I don’t think he cares anymore, though. I wouldn’t. I think he’s just getting a kick of dragging me along still. I don’t […]
I got bored, so tried to use catch phrases from users on a Salt post, feel free to ignore.
by Procel
written by Procel
F uck you I’m not breaking,
I t doesn’t matter how much I’m aching,
G ritting my teeth to stop them shaking,
H elping hands always there remaking,
T he smiles and the laughing creating,
T he Fuck you I’m not breaking,
H ead to toe I may be quaking,
E ven then I won’t brake.
D epression will keep you awake,
A sking yourself “whatsa matter, is that all you can take?”
R ight so you shout “let’s see how far it can go” despite what’s at stake,
K nocked down, you whisper to yourself “get up, just get up” praying to the trinity,
N owhere […]
I never thought I’d consider suicide. I always thought that no matter how hard things got I would hold strong. I used to laugh and think, “Suicide is only for the weak.” However, I was wrong. I’ve kept all my past bottled up for years that I’ve begun breaking down as I recall memories I thought I had buried away. Maybe I’ve been depressed my whole life but never realized it…Now I can’t help but think that if I’m gone no one will have to worry about a useless waste of space like me. I can only laugh bitterly at the sad state I’ve ended […]
That is what my love is for you. Plain and simple. I know you will never get to read this, my love, but I wanted you to know that I haven’t stopped loving you even for one second. Tomorrow it will be 115 days since I saw you last. I have missed you terribly every single day. No matter the hurt you have caused me, the pain, the betrayal, the lies, the broken promises. It all means nothing when it comes to my love for you. It is unending. It is pure. It is intense. It is all I have left to give. The end […]
Feel so empty each day i get more lost in my thoughts , thinking “why me” i tried my best to think it would get better but i was just lying to myself. I realized that my life will consist of depression , loneliness and hiding this emotions that are making wish of painless suicide. I dont have anybody to tell me that i matter or hear my feelings. Wish i could dream and escape my reality . it is the only way i can cope until i get the courage to kill myself.
We all have that one person or problem we try to forget about but we can’t. It weighs on us like a ton of bricks. We do things to try and make ourselves forget but we will never forget. No matter how hard we try to not let it get it to you, it will always stick with you. Am I right?
Like right now there’s this one person that will not get out of my mind. All the memories we had together and how I messed up. I try to forget all the time. I cant explain how much it hurts..
The music I always loved to hear lost their charm.
The DXM I treated as substitutes for real anti-depressants have lost their appeal.
I no longer linger in anticipation waiting for the next part of the show/comic I follow.
I don’t even feel excited at the prospect of having a family in the future anymore; now it just sickens me knowing that there is a possibility that I may give birth or raise a child that would end up as fucked up as I am. It frightens me that the person I would be with in the future would suffer because of my mental issues.
Besides, if I off […]
Everyone I know left…those who don’t will eventually do…everyone does…everyone leaves eventually it’s just a matter of time before they get tired of telling you that you’re going to be better or even things will be alright…they can’t stand being with someone who lost too much in their life…they can’t stand knowing that words are just not enough to help someone like mesk…so one who is broke into a million piepieces and having the broken pieces shattered by those who I thought wouldn’t leave…in the end all you can think of is that all of them are better without you…because just face the fact…in that […]
The thing with my look is that it is nerdy but something worse than that. I look fucking retarded that someone could stare at my face and burst out laughing. And it happens. Many times in fact. I get discriminated against SO badly by teachers alot and other people. You can probably say that no, everyone looks beautiful, I think you look okay blah blah. No mine isnt just ugly. I have a severely downward slanting mouth when my face it resting. My eyes are the worst. It is uneven one is upward slanting while the other is upward slanting. I cant even smile properly, […]
Listen to this.. The song has helped me in a way, sharing in hopes that it will help someone Else out there tonight..
You all matter.
If anyone out there knows of any other good songs that describes there situation feel free to share in a reply.
I didn’t know what to do. I just got that feeling that I didn’t want to live anymore, that it wouldn’t matter to anyone. It was hard. I was alone and I couldn’t decide whether to live or not. I just don’t know.
I have somethings to say before I go.
my life is not a sad story, no big loss(except my drug addict father, no big harm), no love story, no being poor, no child working, no lack of attention, no lack of caring people around me, no lack of friends, etc…
and I don’t exactly know why I’m heading this road since I remember.
I’ve lost my believe in Allah (muslims’ god) and then any form of god by the beginning of highschool, my father left me and my mom a year after, spending his Shit money on the drugs; we were waste of money and […]
I’m so unhappy. I feel there must be something wrong with me in that I don’t have any friends or relationships, I have no one to talk to and I’m desperately in love with a person who does not give a shit about me. I feel worthless and guilty all the time and it’s devouring me. I can’t accomplish anything without being moderately intoxicated. I hate myself and feel like I don’t deserve to be alive. I try to change my thinking and I can’t seem to stop it, but I want to feel better so badly. I just want to feel okay with myself but […]
I kissed my dream girl for the first time ever yesterday best moment of my life I showed her I loved her even if she lies and destroys me this heart is hers now her ex showed up and I’m just like all the other guys just a matter of time where I will end I’ll be thrown out I’m sorry to all those I loved but hurt in the end I want you to know it wasn’t any of your faults
When I die I don’t want anyone to cry. I want them to look at the sky and say ‘goodbye’.
When I’m long gone and they miss me I want them to whisper to the sky everything they want to tell me.
I will listen to every word they have to say because when you die people get the courage to tell you what they couldn’t tell you when you were alive.
I want to hear that they miss me.
I want to hear the words “I love you” over and over again.
I want them to talk about me even after I’m gone. I want them remember me. To […]
I’m not a human being to anyone. All my friends are fake and liars, full of shit, false hopes and false promises.
The guy I had fallen for bitches endlessly about how alone he is, how bad he wants someone, and how he needs to be loved bit ignores me like I don’t exist. No response means that I don’t matter and I don’t count for shit. As I never have in life.
Even people here are wrong and full of it. My only replies are on what women want and how to get a woman when I have said I am not interested in women! I […]