Tag:

Memory

grieving for things i hardly remember

by system 2/22/2021

written by system

my early childhood. back then, when my sadness was not my default emotion. back then, when i had everything. when the world was beautiful. when i wasn’t running on empty. when things were ok. when i was ok. when my household was happy and perfect. everything was perfect. before my disorders started to show up.

yet, that feeling of happiness has become so fleeting, so foreign. i have yet to re-experience the bliss and carelessness i had as a young child. so many things that i cannot remember. but i think back, and i remember how i used to smile. i had a best friend. i […]

2/22/2021 1 comment

Miguel De Unamuno – An Eternal Elegy

by Taf Taf 9/23/2018

written by Taf Taf

Miguel De Unamuno – An Eternal Elegy

Oh Time, Time,

relentless tyrant!

Oh terrible mystery!

The past does not return,

it never comes back again,

ancient history!

Yes, ancient, but always the same,

terrifying!

Always present…

. . . . . . . . . . . .

When consciousness is deprived

of the passage of time,

what is it that remains?

What happens to light if the mirror is broken?

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Fierce Saturn,

oh […]

9/23/2018 0 comment

Protected: Memory scent

by whiskered-fish 1/25/2016

written by whiskered-fish

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

1/25/2016 6 comments

IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS

by anonymous 12/25/2015

written by anonymous

As I grow up, my Christmas list becomes shorter. It’s because the wishes I have can’t be bought by money or they’re too impossible to grant. I admit, i really miss the feeling of believing in Santa and hanging your favorite socks hoping he’ll drop some stuffs while you were asleep. I still remember how does it feels like to pretend to be asleep and hoping you’ll get the chance to meet Santa. I still remember how damn good it feels to celebrate this holiday with your family members and exchanging gifts with the ones you love.

Guess what? Those were just memories and it can’t […]

12/25/2015 1 comment

Ready to fade away.

by Zpilman 1/29/2014

written by Zpilman

I can’t, I just can’t give more…

It does not really worth it to be around here… Pain after pain, leveling up, feeling worst. Behind every laugh there is a bitter memory which stops me and stops me, again and again. I was born not to love but to suffer. Everyone hates me. No girl can love me, no human will share with me.. I feel sad, more sad than ever. I can’t go ahead, I am ready to fade away. I will miss my dog, my ex-girl, family, friends, and most of all, my good old memories, which kept me going up, but is not […]

1/29/2014 3 comments

I don’t know what to do with myself…

by Mallory 8/27/2013

written by Mallory

I’m sitting here at 4 in the morning because I’m in too much emotional pain to sleep. I can’t stand being myself. I care too much for my best friend. I don’t understand it. I think I love her as more than a friend, even though we are the same gender. I have to force myself to support her when she tells me that she wants to be with a guy. I have to sit and pretend she isn’t sleeping with someone else. I have to pretend I don’t love her because it would ruin our friendship.Â But I love this person so much. I care […]

8/27/2013 12 comments

These thoughts are too loud.

by lilblues 8/14/2013

written by lilblues

I thought I was past this, I thought she was gone, or at least frozen for a while.

I’d been content (never happy) for a while, but all suddenly again the world is dark.

It makes me cry to look at my face, to look at my body, gives me hope when i cause myself pain,

each thought containing something that may lead to happiness is tainted.

Each opportunity handed to me, each gift of love shared with me I care little for and ruin.

I feel worthless, I feel ashamed, this is the 19th night in a row i’ve cried.

Im so much more ugly when I cry too.

God why […]

8/14/2013 1 comment

So you want to end your life? Giving up? Lost? No one to talk to? I’m here.. No judgement. Read this first then talk to me! If it didn’t change your perspective, maybe i can.

by alexaawearsprada 8/10/2013

written by alexaawearsprada

DON’T YOU DARE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJxgrSCZJ1s

Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother, father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say â€œFinally, theyâ€™re gone.â€ No, they will not say â€œIâ€™m happy they did that.â€ No, they will not say â€œI never loved them anyways.â€ They will die. Their hearts will […]

8/10/2013 10 comments

The enigma we call life

by robban 8/9/2013

written by robban

It hurts the way you ignore me
You put me on the edge hoping i drift away from you
Im always with you,
My only regret in life was sharing something beautiful with you.
You betrayed me let me fall and rust and disintegrate.
Now im dead, not in body but soul
I will hunt your conscience for the things you did, and for the things
you didnt.

Do you know how it feels to disintegrate over several years of pain and suffering?
Now im empty, filled only with the pain of old and new. My destiny seems to be
pain.crying.anxiety.hate.regret.suicide. Today,tomorrow,forever.
The pain fill my […]

8/9/2013 5 comments

Memory

by -alone- 8/5/2013

written by -alone-

Dear, “Friend.”
It hurts.
You’re my friend, or at least I thought you were…
I’m not a toy that you can use.
I have feelings.
You are not here when I need you, you don’t care.
When I cry out for help, you act like you didn’t hear.
You call me a loner, but I’m trying to talk.
But you wont let me… You’re scared of me leaving.
I’m a loner.
I’m a weirdo.
I’m nothing.
I’m a *****.
Oh, It hurts.
Keep calling me names, It will only make me worse.
You say you’re kidding, just playing around.
But look closer at me what […]

8/5/2013 0 comment

Fucking fed up.

by TJ. 7/24/2013

written by TJ.

Eleven years. It’s been eleven years since I’ve had control over my emotions. Since I have felt any sense of normalcy or joy.

Medication after medication. None of them have worked.

Electro shock therapy. Gave me six months of relief before I relapsed, and my psychiatrist is convinced that the habits and anxiety and addictions that I never used to have before the ECT would have happened anyway. When I went through the treatment, I had no memory of anything for months straight. I forgot how to drive, where I was half the time, and each session was nightmarish.

Speaking of my psychiatrist, since I’ve started seeing him, […]

7/24/2013 0 comment

Mother Dearest

by XxWhyxX 7/9/2013

written by XxWhyxX

The walls of this house haunt me…They reflect every memory and mistake. As a child, the pictures on the walls, made me feel lucky. Like I was truly loved. Sooner than a young child should, I learned they were the mask, the mask over an unhappy home. The pictures scream at me… Telling me, remember before? When you were innocent and things were simple… They also tell me, keep up this bravado, be strong even when the mirror breaks you down, when every word from her mouth is trashing you.

But.. in all honesty I AM TIRED OF TRYING TO BE BRAVE, putting up […]

7/9/2013 3 comments

Box of memories

by cyanidesofmarch 7/3/2013

written by cyanidesofmarch

Went to that place I haven’t been in years. Not since that thing happened. I found a locked box I vaguely recognized. As luck (or misfortune) would have it, my foot kicked something that went ringing across the floor… a small brass key.

Chunks of my brain lit up with warning signals, heart rate went crazy and I started sweating like a slug. But the idiot that I am, I opened it anyway.

There was only one other person in the world who could have interpreted what I found inside. Now there’s only me. There’s no point in writing what I found, because it wouldn’t make sense […]

7/3/2013 9 comments

My Innocence

by endingtheagony 6/25/2013

written by endingtheagony

IÂ have never known innocence.

It has been pain and loss and death

since before I could store a memory.

And now I am asked to be normal.

I am asked to pretend

that my childhood

was warm and innocent.

Innocence was ripped away

at the age of six,

surrounded by hands

and pleas and tears

and blood to be kept secret.

But begging never gets you anywhere.

Innocence was ripped away

as I laid next to my best friend

at the age of 13

whose heart had stopped beating,

while mine took

just a bit too long

to cease.

Innocence was ripped away

with the last words she heard from me,

“I forgive you, mom.”

I was 14.

Innocence has been ripped away from me

every time I walk that […]

6/25/2013 0 comment

Tension

by flatus 6/16/2013

written by flatus

Local posts, they list your friends
In order of disappearance
Lawn scattered tins feed birds:
The portions baked for absent guests
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KceYe4Dedbg
Mass edition icon
God sent comfort is your salvation
But who grants absolution for sins
That never were committed?
Call me, darling

Tension makes a tangle of each thought,
It becomes inconvenience
Sound never penetrates as
Servile edges break and faint
Dress lengths, assassinations
Fractured family ties and christenings
Tension

A thought mistaken for a memory
Clear the dust from smiles in boxes
Cross a patterned floor and recall their voices
There goes the plan

6/16/2013 3 comments

LOVE

by AscahIsBroken 6/3/2013

written by AscahIsBroken

Sugar on your tongue
Inhale
Water licks my blood
Dead pale
Rain fills up my lungs
It’s hail
It’s a hand she held to my chest
Lips to my neck
I didn’t understand
Poison on her breath
Sleeping in her bed
Blood on the sheets
A memory that brings back memories

Red
Sink back, sink stained
Red

Fear
Black out, panic
Fear

Breathe
Drowning, in blood
Breathe

I yearned for his heat
Warm skin
Lust from curiosity
To sin
Exposed to release
Longing
It’s a lack of guidance
A cowards ignorance
No answers given when the questions aren’t asked
I wasn’t okay but no one cared about my pain

Blue

6/3/2013 2 comments

Same equation different variables

by just another nobody 5/24/2013

written by just another nobody

You wants to die. There’s no profound reason really. Doubt there is a standard set as to how one should live their adolescent life so it’s rather difficult to say whether or not you had an appropriate childhood. Your just tired. You can’t think straight, Your memory is shot and You can’t say you’ve ever truely loved another. Your mind is a constant cycle of nonsense and paradoxes, You don’t even know the truth anymore. All you know is if this is life you want little if nothing at all to do with it. It’s all a joke. A cruel prank played by fate. Your […]

5/24/2013 0 comment

I can’t over her my ex gf

by johnplace 5/12/2013

written by johnplace

My name is John I still feel depress after 10 months my ex gf dump and say ” left me alone “……. I can’t be happy I don’t know why…..she don’t contact me anymore. since she dump me but still I have her friend in my facebook and Yahoo sometimes I saw her and i feel really bad about it but I can’t eraser her I don’t have the guts…. I miss her a lot but still I don’t wanna she back

I don’t wanna back with her anymore she is not worth it but still I miss her …..I know soundÂ dumbÂ I been with psychics some […]

5/12/2013 6 comments

Rewind

by Miss.Mayhem 5/9/2013

written by Miss.Mayhem

Carry me home or just carry me away
Away from the horrors my own have seen
Carry me so far away my demons loose my track

The sea mends the shore’s broken sand
Just as you healed the wounds I caused with my hands
But now the memories seem like fog in the distance
Vague in my memory and my existence

But tell me my love? Does your mind ever tempt you?
Tempt to you go backwards?
To push rewind regardless of how much fast forward is screaming your name?
To listen to the lullabies of hushed sleep we shared?
Or to the beat of my heart that you’ve claimed?
Tell me dear, does the wind whisper […]

5/9/2013 0 comment

by stellaeric 5/8/2013

written by stellaeric

Today, I explained my non-intervention policy to one of the people I tentatively (for lack of a better term) call a friend. (Being more concerned with what they perceive as my interests than the interests themselves, I don’t think they can be termed “allies” precisely. So I use the word “friend” rather loosely, although I suppose it would be more accurate to say “one of those people I hang about constantly whom I happen to know”.) I interfere (interact, I suppose) with people as little as possible and would appreciate if they showed the same consideration to me.

She confronted me with the question: What if […]

5/8/2013 2 comments

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