Three months ago I sold my house. It was a perfect house and I was able to make the payments. I struggled for 7 years since my divorce to stay in the house. I filed bankruptcy. Finally last August I came out of that bankruptcy and started living life. My girlfriend urged me to sell my house. Telling me I would be better off with out it. Lower my expenses and finally be able to move in with her. I wanted to have financial security in my life and finally with two good incomes I could have that. The catch was that I could not […]
Tag:
move
I’ve been suicidal for over a year now… I hate myself I just want to disappear not many people would mourn me… Just my family I don’t have a wife or kids. That’s kind of the problem I have no one to love my lease prevents me from getting a dog so that companionship is out. I live with my mom because I’m 19 and I don’t get paid enough yet to move out I dislike her with a passion… What a *****, I’m adopted so don’t do that whole she birthed you bullshit I can’t stand the *****… I had a girl in my […]
i dont know what to do anymore, i say that alot because i dont. i want to give up but for some reason i cant. i cant move forward because there are so many things in the way, its like walking threw a brick wall. im stuck, and no matter what i do i cant be help because no one wants to. im alone. i think im in hell. is there an age where its inappropriate to cry, because when i do i eather piss people off or they start making fun of me. is that a bad thing now or is it just the […]
yup title says it all. swallowed 20 aprin i didnt even fucking cry i was shaking though after about 10 minutes i felt fine and went to school. when i got there i was already feeling sick so i laid my head on my friends lap. it hurt to move and talk i had no strength. i told him what i did but he didnt get the hint to go get the nurse.so me myself had to walk around school from my class i was in to the office to my locker back to the class to the office. didnt throw up untill […]
I got here and my motivation tanked. I laid on the ground and cried for hours. I haven’t seen any more trains when there’s supposed to be over 100 a day, and they seem to move too slow. In any case, my first name is Seth. I live in Chicago. I’m in a public place. I’ll be back to work in the morning.
There’s a silence in the room,
I don’t speak quite like you do.
You got my fingers crossed,
But I’ll catch myself and I’ll wish you off.
And I never thought the words you’d cast would hurt so much.
For that, well I won’t look back.
And I never thought the one you trust would stab your back,
I guess it’s not so bad.
There’s a window in my room,
I can’t see clear like you do.
I won’t move my mouth and I’ll stand up straight just to push you out.
So I can see your insides out,
And figure you out.
And I never thought […]
It all started when I was in elementary my mom couldn’t afford an apartment or a house. so we had to live out of her boyfriends van. After living in the car for like a couple of months we moved to a homeless shelter. It was hard going to school because I couldn’t be like the other kids. For me after school was just going back to the shelter and that was it. I didn’t really get to play much and if I did play I would play with my older brother. I have 2 older brother but my oldest brother got kidnapped by his […]
I’m running because I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel
But when I reach the end of the tunnel it’s just another puzzle.
And that’s when I understand there’s only one way to end this struggle.
And the pain and the sorrows I can no longer juggle.
And now my body’s empty and lifeless I can no longer move a muscle.
And a 6 foot hole for me they are digging with a shovel.
And people are wondering why me I always met life with a chuckle.
Will I miss some people in this life, yeah maybe a couple.
Now I am different
They have changed me
But I still hold that
There are too many people
I cannot bear them
They torment me with their jokes
Still the evil of noises
Is the beating of their hearts
Stop! Don`t move
Stop! Don`t move
I cannot, cannot bear it
Stop! Stop beating
Don`t you see? I`m not too lucky
Still you pump blood and
You grow in number
Coming over me in flocks
I cannot bear you
I`m trying to get rid of you
In my dreams I hear
The thunderings of your heartbeats
Stop! Don`t move
Stop! Don`t move
I cannot, cannot bear […]
Killz’ Eye View is back from the Crowz Nest and his Hiatus to bring another fuckin enlightening episode on faith, dreams, and the power to move forward past opposition by leading by example. My #killrz keep #killinit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BkojoxOf7w
Audio is a bit skewed in spots because of the bullshit program I had to use, but I’ll be back to my gold standard Adobe Premiere for the next episode!
Everyone around this fucking ***** sitting here thinking they know what’s best for me and trying to tell me how to live MY ducking life!! I just wanna get the fuck up and move as far away as I can and never fucking look back!! Tired of all the bull shit!!! Fuck this!!
Todays theme has been 7. Been seeing it everywhere and this update is number 7. How synchronistic.
http://youtu.be/HLyllO4GFVM
Today I want to tell you to dream big guys. If you feel hopeless and dead inside. The key is to pump our faith and hope for a better tomorrow. I know for me when I’m distraught like I was the night with TPHG later into the evening. He encouraged and bolstered my faith by having yet another great conversation. If you have a dream already: make it bigger. If your dreams are dead: be resurrected. If you’re scared to move forward: fuck it. Feel the fear […]
I’m just like sitting here. Just sitting on my bed and thinking about all the things I should do, but I don’t want to move. I don’t have the motivation to do anything. Every other sentence in my head is “What’s the point, I should just kill myself.” I mean I don’t want to do anything, I feel lifeless. It’s not like anyone wants me, I don’t even want me.
How the hell can I do this for another 30-40 years? Working job after job to support this joyless life. Once I outlive my usefulness at this office I’m at now, I’ll have to start the process all over again of finding full-time work. And then again once that job ends. And again and again and again until I drop dead. I’d rather drop dead now and save myself the trouble of spending all the good hours of the day pushing papers and moving boxes and photocopying and etc.
Been reading up on jumping and it’s becoming more appealing everyday. From what I’m reading, sounds like […]
Just that moment when you realize that you’ll never make it.
I’ve tried to move forward, socialized, made friends, set goals. And I’ve just discovered that no matter how badly I try, I won’t get there. I won’t finish in the top university, I won’t get into shape, I won’t be beautiful. This never actually would bother me, but I think that I’m envious of my friends dating – just knowing that no girl or guy would ever look at me and thing ‘that’s somebody I could love’.
I know I’ve felt like the world was ending before. But I feel like my whole life has been […]
find a place to crash tonight
make some more money
contemplate suicide and have an existential crisis
Well today started out today then it got worse. the thought of me losing him. Why is it that some of the best things in my life never seem to last. I mean we’ve been dating for a few months and now due to him losing his apartment and job from reasons beyond his control. He might have to move back in with his parents in another state more than 5,000 miles away. If this does happen I’m thinking about cutting him off completely. I honestly can not deal with any more heartbreak and I don’t want both of us to suffer by dealing with […]
I can’t get no sleep
Ok, so that’s an exaggeration. Even on the worst nights, I usually manage 1-2 hours. What I mean to say is that I can’t get enough sleep to function properly. During my work week, I spend most of the time wandering around in a haze, zombified, narrowly avoiding bumping into people, longing for the day to end. But then the night finally comes, and I just can’t get to sleep at a reasonable hour, no matter how tired I am.
I feel like I’ve tried all the standard advice. Sticking to routines, exercise, limiting technology use, changing my diet, meditation, yoga, warm […]
My girlfriend doesn’t want to see me anymore as of yesterday.
She’s 20 years older than me, and is dealing with a lot of shit from her past marriage. I wanted move in and take care of her, which she wanted, too; but she’s stopped trying with us, and has decided to focus on the problems she had before we met.
I found myself briefly considering other women, but I feel numb. I loved her! I gave her everything I had, and I feel like I’m betraying her by considering other women! I feel like if I wait one more week, she’ll message me back and want me […]
This is the end,
Hold your breath and count to ten,
Feel the earth move and then,
Hear my heart burst again..