Does anyone remember that old song that says “I dont want to start and blasphemous rumors but I think that God has a sick sense of humor and when I die I expect to find him laughing.” Sometimes I think he was on to something.
In the past year life has been such a damn roller coaster. In Jan of last year my father had a stroke (alone in his home) and I had to put him in hospice and he died 2 weeks later. I went to his home and found where he had dragged himself around the house covered in feces […]
Tag:
my life
Why did I have to sink this low? I opened up a new chapter in my life, graduated and got a job. I told myself that I’m going to try hard. I thought finally I found something I’m good at, some way to fit in society in a productive way. It was far from the truth.
So far I feel like I suck at my job. I suck at everything about it from the core of the job to communicating or even socializing with my coworkers.
I just can’t concentrate and keep my mind clear. I can’t focus when so many distracting thoughts pop in and out […]
So, im new here. Ive had manic depression since i was a child. But in the last few months ive been on a terrible low. I was thrown out of my house, due to an argument with a roomate that escalated to blows, they had a kid, they got to stay. So now im living in my parents basment, i lost my job when i lost my place. Realy the only thing keeping me sane at the moment are the chemicle kisses (drugs) and my childhood friend… But now he is trying to get clean… And i support his decision, drugs are bad…. Mkay? But […]
Mornings seem to be the worst.
At any rate I’m feeling upset, angry? that not just that my ex gave up on us, but that she (probably, I might be simply imagining that she feels that way) believes she had no choice. That there was no chance for us. That we (she?) wasn’t healthy enough.
I don’t believe this at all. I do not believe my being depressed and anxious means I can’t be in a relationship, or have a healthy one. My ex and I had this one issue, serious enough for her to leave me, but- even she said this- we were amazing in every other […]
trying to find some hope in either to succeed in dying or getting over it
by Varisha
written by Varisha
I recently broke up.. and its my 2nd break up n in both relationship’s I was very serious.. when I had my 1st breakup my friend , helped me to get over it.. and I fell for him.. and also he lykd me so he took great care of me n helped a lot to move on.. and eventually I started lying him and loving him.. I don’t knw whether it was wrong or right.. I loved him.. and I loved him a lot.. more than I have loved anyone ever.. but he left.. even though he knew I would be devastated, he knew how broken […]
So you think that, that’s it. I can’t handle anymore. My life is fucked up. I don’t want to live anymore. I want to die right now. And then you will try to make an attempt, in which you will obviously fail (99.99 % times) and some of you will even fail into making an attempt. You are in pain now but still alive. Now you will try to recover.
But then again something bad (this bad could be anything, some event in real life or just your real imaginary pain in your beautiful mind) will happen. And you will think that’s it. It’s enough. I […]
Life is beautiful!!
Source: www.Reddit.com
parents: Congratulations, little boy or girl! You’re going to exist!
embryo: Oooh, what does that entail?
parents: So many things! You’re going to be sentient, first of all. You will experience pleasure and pain. You will feel a wide variety of emotions, some of which will be augmented by your human intelligence!
embryo: That sounds complicated.
parents: It will be! The human experience is such a complex one, due to our high intelligence combined with our primitive instincts! We are probably the only creatures on the planet that have existential woes!
embryo: ….
parents: In fact, we’re creating […]
I had a conversation today that inspired this post.
Imagine the sick people who need organs to survive, they WANT to survive, they WANT to LIVE. If they had a method, I mean doctors, to kill patients without damaging the needed body parts or organs, they could give them to the sick, they could give them their desired LIFE. Instead of this they let people die from hanging, ODing etc. MISERABLY and MEANINGLESSLY. I know that there are certain states of mind when some can’t tell the difference between reality and their own imagination, but then leave those out of this chance. There are a shitload […]
When I was younger my life was crap and yet despite all that was happening to me, rape, beatings, abandonment, homelessness, foster care I still had this idea that my future would be better. I still somehow believed that if I could just hold on long enough, try my hardest then one day things would fall into place. Twenty six years later and I have run out of that hope. I cry myself to sleep all the time, I cant find a job, I have no freedom at home, no money, I only ever get used in romantic “relationships”. Ive never had a boyfriend. I […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I got my dog back.
At least I think so. My ex just dropped her off at my parents’ house, barely saying anything to my mom. I assume this means she’s my dog again, because coming back to get her as if I were just babysitting- that would be so cruel and I don’t believe my ex could ever be cruel.
I’m thrilled to have her back, but confused to how I got her. It shouldn’t matter- I can’t get my ex to want to be with me again, so it shouldn’t matter what she thinks of me, right? Except maybe in terms of friendship, but that’s at […]
I have things I want to do. I want to do so much. But I can’t. I have no money. No possible way to leave this place. I’m scared to talk to the one person I trust. I want to be loved. I want to be married. I want someone to like me enough to love me and to want to be with me the rest of my life. But that probably won’t happen. I need to leave this place. And I was going to try to move this year. But that won’t be possible. I don’t even have a fucking car. I’ve had so […]
Things get better, they dont and they will never get better. Looking on the bright side of things only works for a little while. My life has been hell ever since I was 10, when I first started to get depression because of my shy nature and as a result got bullied. Now I tried to tell my parents but they didnt care. Finally found a sollution a few years ago when I first attepted suicide by hanging myself. It didnt work and ended up in a hospital because of it. Now I tried to live it out but no things got worse so now […]
It all started with presenting my research paper . I couldn’t talk . And when I did I just sounded like I had no idea what I was talking about. I did so bad .
Then I took my dental assisting tests . I was so freaked out . I don’t even know why.
Then I went to the group interview . It was the stupidest fucking interview I’ve ever been to. You literally play games . And dance to music with randoms . I mean it was alright but still. All the staff members were annoying . I couldn’t stand any of them.
I fucked up on […]
Lately I’ve been having medical issues. Serious, taxing, stressful medical issues. Issues that my mom, who works with a doctor, could clear up. She could tell me what the hell is going on but she chooses not to. I see a specialist tomorrow. Ever since I got my bloodwork results back, I’ve been stressed and anxious. Well, moreso than usual. These two things make it harder for me to focus, making my already difficult high school courses even harder. This quarter we talked about suicide in Health, and that’s the first time I’ve ever shown a serious emotion in school. I had a breakdown. I […]
Nihilism hit me hard in my seventeenth year of existence. Pretty much all my life i’ve been looking for some “truth” or purpose behind the universe, so the realisation that we are monkeys on a rock, slowly parading towards our deaths while filling the time with seemingly pointless endeavours was quite hard to swallow.
So, why are you alive? Whats your point?
For me, its the gym. I dont know what it is about it, but when i go, my mind clears and its just a battle of me against myself, having to push myself to the edge.
I am no longer myself. I remember how I used to be before seven years of depression. I used to be the most optimistic individual, but life has a way of fucking you over.
For starters, after years of hearing people say negative things about you, you start to believe. I am an eighteen year old mistake. My life was a replacement. My father was abusive and caused my mother to have a miscarriage. Their intention was to replace that baby boy, so I was born.
Throughout my years, I have heard this story so much. Eventually as my father extruded himself from our family domicile, I […]
It’s 5am , don’t want to sleep. My life is a jungle I shouldn’t have traversed and I’m stuck in the quicksand of my own errors. Things will not change for me. I will eventually be swallowed and surrounded by warm shadows. I want nothing, I want to be nothing. There’s almost nothing left of me. I switch from being numb to being in pain until once again I feel nothing, a maelstrom that I will never escape. Maybe it’s time I got off this ride.
There may be no doors for this Dungeon, but there’s still a way out.
I feel like nothing, and I can only see one way of how to get out of it
by nicole123
written by nicole123
I feel like nothing . I am nothing. I don’t do anything anymore . Today I skipped my job interview because I was tired and I was scared . I never used to be like this ? I’m terrified of being judged . So I didn’t go .
I have another tomorow so I’ll try to go … But I’ve been having social anxiety for months now . People used to say I was a social butterfly.
I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot lately . There is nothing in my life that makes me remotely happy. Absolutely nothing . Probably eating. But suicide is the […]
I feel better (?) but I still hate my life. Why is it that I had a good life (for the last 3 years anyway) when depressed, but have a life I hate while less depressed? I wish my ex had the chance to know me like this, that I had a chance to feel less depressed and be happy with my life at the same time, even if it wasn’t for long. If only I had gotten treatment, real treatment, sooner- everything would be so different.
I am so lonely without my ex. I don’t feel like I’ll ever meet someone I love as much as her […]