i was so depressed and stressed that i made myself sick. i was in and out of the doctor for 4 years. i was throwing up almost everyday for 4 years. i had an ulcer. i had headaches all day and night. i was so depressed that i became sick. it is a sickness but i did not realize my depression was the reason for my illnesses. i thought i was dying, i thought something was really wrong with me when in reality it was just my mind. it was me making myself sick and in a way i new it. i figured if i […]
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my life
ive always felt ugly. i am fat and ugly. i recently lost a lot of weight. i went from weighing 180lbs to weighing 145lbs but now i weigh 160lbs and i am just so ugly and weak. food is my weakness. i love food but i hate it at the same time. this happens all the time. i lose the weight but then i gain a lot of weight, i dont know why. i hate the way i look. it depresses me, it really really depresses me. i cry about it all the time. my body is a big issue of mine. i just cant […]
Ive posted a lot on this site and though the battle to end my life has been unsuccessful im thankful for the days i do get with my family and hope i fail this time to though i think i may succeed this time.i have something called a conversion disorder which means mental stress converted into physical symptoms so temporarily i can’t walk or move or sometimes even speak based on stress and it’s gotten worse as my suicide date comes closer i believe its a sign that i may not make it this time and that is scary yet i cant stop at least […]
I just left home. I wish I had the strength to finish myself. I cannot see the next minute. I’m paralyzed. I’m by myself. I want to be. I’ve lived everyday of my life for everyone around me. I have big responsibilities. I would be ashamed to say what I’ve left behind. I don’t know what to do. I’m in my car. I’ve never NOT been depressed and I’ve grown tired. Weary. But here’s the thing…the outside world would be shocked. I’m that person that motivates and inspires. I’m a light of positivity. The energy it has taken me to smile everyday and try to […]
I am going to attempt a suicide on the 30th of November, which is next month. I feel that everything’s too hard, that my feelings keep being played with by others, that most of my dreams end up failing no matter how hard I try. I want to get out of this state of despair but I can’t, it’s too hard. How am I supposed to get out of this state when life’s too harsh on me? And even if I do get out, life’s always going to get harder and harder, making the chance of me attempting to suicide again even greater. I want […]
okay so where do i even begin? I guess ill just start with my family before i even go into detail about me. My mother has a terrible medical history, and she passes out or blacks out many times and during this sometimes she falls and busts her head, which as you can imagine, this is very stressful and would be for anyone. Imagine being anywhere from 6-13 and seeing this is pretty traumatic. My mother cannot control these, and cannot wake herself from these spells on her own. She has had many stitches. My father is a pathological liar. He was in the army, […]
A perfect weekend ruined by one conversation. After a wonderful 21 st birthday celebration. Now just sitting here with new bruises and scars all over me. I cant do this anymore. taking the pain out on my self from the stress, pain, every single little thing that goes wrong and attacking myself like some kind of animal. If I want to be able to live another 21 years this has to stop. I know I have a lot of bad things happened in my life and some good things. I am seriously considering on getting help like get counseling. I don’t believe in this method […]
Have you every heard the term downward spiral? I think I am more than half way down. One of the foreshadowing thoughts I have is knowing that I am not at rock bottom yet. The realization that I have even more misery to come is almost worse then the thought, that I now look fondly on days I thought was the worst day of my life. Days when I thought life couldn’t get worse are now happy memories because at those moments, I was so much better off than I am today. Try all I want there is no going back. I am getting older […]
…is all I feel now. Which is ironic really seeing as its pretty much “feeling’ nothing at all.
I Have been depressed for many years, and suicidal through periods of this time. However I now feel so close its almost like I’m not even in control anymore.
I was in a car accident last week (not a deliberate action might I add..) but all I could think of when I moved my car to a safer place by the side of the road was “I wish I’d died”. There had been an accident right before ours so there were ambulance and police there already who saw the […]
Today i had a lighter and thought about how it would feel on my skin. But i am to afraid of the unknown to try. I love the way a blade feels or even a pencil back and forth. I need help. My mind is so filled with hatred and resentment. I know that i am asking for help but if i am telling the truth i will not even accept it. I am no good. People come in and out of my life so quick. I just want someone who not gonna walk out of me because of something i say or do. I […]
I’m just so tired.
I never had that feeling . The need to die. I always cope with things, and pretend everything is okay but it’s not. I’m having a fight with my best friend. Everything in my life is so fake. My friends are fake and i hate my body so much. I have literally no one to talk to. My dad is somewhere around the world with his girlfriend and mom is working all the time. My birthday is coming up this Friday and i feel so depressed and lonely.
Someone wrote here, “i wish i could achieve the peace of death without […]
Today is a different day, not that it is special or great. Today I don’t feel like killing myself.
Last week I was in a dark place and I stumbled onto this website because I was googling painless ways to kill myself. That night was unlike the previous ones because it was the first time i had tried to figure out how to do “it”.
I opened this page in a tab and clicked around some other sites until i concluded that I didn’t have access to anything that could be used to conveniently end my life. This page struck a chord with me and i cried a […]
I had a great heart to heart talk again with the guy I love last night. It’s never totally serious which is nice. There’s jokes here and there and he does try to be as kind as possible. He says it’s a big cosmic joke, the universe is just fucking with us and saying fuck you both because he just can never feel that way for me or be attracted to me no matter what but I’m the closest person he’s ever had, that we get along the best, and he trusts me more than he’s ever trusted anyone. He started it, I forget what […]
The majority of posts on here seem like a cry for help, if I’m being honest with myself I’m just here to vent.
I don’t plan on committing suicide tonight, but one day soon I will. I’ve been depressed for 8 years which is a third of my life and all of my adult life.
I’ll never understand why some people are challenged in life more than others, why some people can live long happy lives while others suffer every waking moment.
I’ll willingly admit there are people out there who have it far worse than I do, but I am at a constant struggle to find a real […]
I’m flirting with death since a long time now, but I really can’t find the courage to do it. I have made an attempt a few years ago. It made me lay three months in the hospital with major injuries. At least when I was at the hospital I had the feeling that my family cared about me. Now I’m spending every day on my own and I can’t stand it anymore. I lost my left eye when I was a baby and it keeps haunting me. I’m 21 now and the thought that people get like 80-100 years old really creeps me […]
Am i worth it???
Am i worth this pathetic life?
People see me laughing and smiling but inside i’m dying. How can my life be so complicated??How do i go on?? Do i even try?? I just honestly am struggling with the pain i feel inside.
I don’t have anything new to say and I’m not looking for any advice… I feel like I’m posting too much. I just needed to write.
Hope everyone is doing okay today. Feel free to skip over my post and rant about it in the comments if you’re not.
Earlier my mum said she feels like she hardly sees me, because she’s been out a lot. I said it isn’t ideal that I’m spending so much time in the house, but it’s okay, I’m fine… I’m starting to realise how severely it’s affecting me.
It has its upsides. I’ve been in more pain lately, but it often disappears […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-cD4oLk_D0
You are a day ahead in New Zealand, so today is the 9th there, it is your birthday. I already said happy birthday to you earlier, but what would be more fitting than a birthday post on SP, where we met almost two years ago. You have been my dearest and longest friend, my little brother. “Back then I was a lonesome rogue who stumbled across a little fox in the snow, wounded with nowhere to go.” There isn’t anything I can say here that I haven’t said to you before, or vice versa. Despite different aliases from time to time, we’ve moved on from […]
World is crazy
Not always bothered about us
Humans animals
Today is a lonely day for me
Sitting in the gallows of shadow
This is the type of day I call for knife
My friend
Listening to sad song
That express my sorrow and loneliness
I make one cut second and than third
And i sit bleeding
Reflecting on my life
Trying to figure out the meaning
Life
Death
What’s the point of it
As the day ends
I give my life another chance
Hi, i’ve never really posted on anywhere like this before but i don’t really know what else to do.
I’ve contemplated suicide so many times throughout my life and recently everyone feels like it’s finally coming to a climax, as if ive already accepted that i’m going to die soon, and i want to go out on my own terms.
I’ve been struggling with multiple health issues which make everyday life horrendous, i’m constantly spaced out and in pain almost every waking minute, it’s too much to take.
I’m also incredibly lonely, not even my family speaks to me unless it’s to start an argument or take out […]