That’s how I feel, every day. I hate holidays. I could go run around with the guy I like again, but I’m exhausted. I’ve basically been “partying all weekend” starting on Thursday – the day I had set to kill myself, but at least minute was given the ok to come hang out, and it’s not really my thing to run around like a teenager and party. On the other hand, one of the many things I’ve loved about him is that I feel younger with him. He’s 6 years younger than me, but he has the energy of a teenager and at 37, I […]
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my life
The most beautiful thing happened when i logged in to write here. The check-mark on the login page said, ‘remember me’. What a wonderful thought indeed, made me smile. I don’t know why i chose to write here, why go through the process of registering and then confirming, checking email for new password and writing now. But anyways am here, let’s make the most of it..
Today is one of my darkest days. Three months back if anyone would have spoken of ending their lives I would have dissuaded them fervently. But bearing the same suicidal thought tonight, I somehow feel at ease with myself. Life […]
In this year I had 2 good days only nothing is going as planed my life is getting screwed up every day too ugly to get a girlfriend too stupid to pass a test too dumb to find a job. Iam really getting sick of this
When it seems my life becomes straight it blows up in my face. And it’s all my fault. I don’t even know what I want out of this life anymore. It all blows up in your face anyways. I’m all out of hope. And this post makes no sense, but I don’t care.
Okay. I’ve never done this before. I’m not open about these sorts of things, mainly because the people that are meant to love me and support me are the ones that are causing me the most distress. Only two people in my life have actually loved me – one changed to hating me when I let them crack away at the surface, and the other doesn’t know half of what the first did. I know that I am unloved, and no matter what I always will be. It’s just who I was born as.
There’s a friend I’ve been talking to about some of this because […]
There are minimal external factors which constitute my claim that life is indeed a struggle for me, making it hard for other people to comprehend and/or understand the exact nature of my discontent. Most people retain the belief that misery absolutely must be invoked upon an individual due to trauma or tragedy, when the truth rests in our own perceptions all along. It’s the perceptions of those adverse external factors or events that cause the depression in most people, not the events themselves.
Anyone with half a brain knows this. What people don’t know, or at least often don’t recognize, is that a mind can turn […]
i am inexplicably tired of everything in my life right now. i am tired of everyone depending on me to be there for them, shouting their problems to me, as if i am strong enough to carry all of their weight plus mine. i am tired of old memories coming back to haunt me and the fear i feel, i am tired of the realness of all of my feelings and thoughts. i am tired of keeping everything about my identity a secret to those who “love” me. i am tired of the overwhelming feelings of loneliness i feel at night as if no one […]
This is my 1st post in SP. I nvr wanted to b here. But now i am. Coz i started hating my life. How people can easily cheat on us after having a complete relation? How he forget abt the days n nights i hv dedicated to him. Yesss…. I loved him… i loved him too much. Inspite of all the differances, inspite of our family problems. I loved him.
He was elder to me by 11 yrs…. yesss…. n still i loved him…. more than anything else in this world. Went through immense tortures & pains. but still never left him. Carried […]
I stopped by my insurance agency and prepared my life insurance policy. My parents had one taken out in my name when I was 16, after my fireworks accident. I talked to my agent and changed the policy into my name (instead of my moms). It’s for 25,000…not much, but it should cover my debt and funeral. I was going to add another 50,000-75,000 but I would have to have an extensive medical record search and that would show my cancer, abdominal tumors, brain tumor, F.A.P, Gardner’s Syndrome, Pseudotumor Cerebri, fireworks accident, severe anxiety, severe depression, bi polar type II disorder, abdominal migraines, etc…I think […]
… and at the end of my rope. I don’t know where to go or what to do. I have attempted suicide twice and am clearly too inept and too much of a coward to end my life properly. I have been dealing with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts for fifteen years and have been on a variety of medications and have seen three different therapists to try and fix the problem. Today, I was told my feelings were (verbatim) “bullshit”; followed by a laugh and the shake of a head. The appointment ended with her saying “you make me laugh”. Thanks Paula.
I can barely […]
I have a health issue that im trying to address. Everyone ignores when i say this. They just think im crazy over some bs. That is fine. But dont insult me. I dont bring up your drinking problems, your previous drug problem, the fact that you are two faced toward everyone. I dont bring up that you were previoulsy a a prostitute. I dont judge you all. How dare you judge me, but wont even listen to me when i try to explain my health issue. Thats fine. Believe what you want. i hope you all die or end up homeless, instead of me. Im […]
Usually I’m just smokeing a cigarette on a balcony, just me and a little red flame slowly running out… Reading some of the life storries here on the forum, but today I decided to blow off my mind here.
Right now I’m feeling like the whole univers is picking on me. Every time something “good” happens in my misarable life it soon backfires.
I was never some angry guy, I’m usually just depressed especialy in the morning (I’m really having problems getting out of bed) I’m always thinking of all the fails in my life, but once I get out of bed it gets better, usually at […]
I hate my life, I hate who I am, I hate that I ever existed here. I know full well I will never amount to anything,.my family thinks I’m so smart, and I go along, no I’m not smart…if I was I wouldn’t be in this mess I’m in.
I really don’t deserve this life, I don’t deserve to be alive. I don’t why I’m saying this, I just had a moment of thought. I have alot of time alone and it gives me too much time inside my own head.
There seems to be no way to break this, I see the future as hope…because I […]
I have had anxiety my entire life and have been depressed for the past few years. I am going to be a senior in high school where I am supposed to start figuring out what I want to do with my life but I’ve never felt so lost. It is summer before my senior year and summers are tough for me because it gives me a lot of free time to think and feel lonely. I am afraid of choosing the wrong college and not being happy. A lot of people see me as a nice person but I don’t think people know how sad […]
I guess I’m back for now. I don’t think there’s anyone left here that remembers me but I need somewhere I can talk or vent and not have it ruin my life because that’s all talking seems to do lately. I hope I can be the way I used to, I hope I can learn how to listen again… I was so much better at it when I was really depressed but before I watched my friends disappear one by one knowing they weren’t just hiding… It’s been a while and I hope I can be the person I was, and honestly I would rather […]
There are so many things running through my head i might not make much sense, as I always do whenever I get suicidal. Actually saying that I’m suicidal actually makes me feel real juvenile for some reason, because I keep telling myself that I’m too old to run away from things like this. But truth be told, I’m just really scared of my life turning into nothing and having no point in life. I’m just really scared of my life right now, because I can literally feel it unraveling, because of who I am (and who I am NOT to be more precise).
I’ve always thought […]
by each passing day my suicide toughts grow stronger. I think I hate every person, even my family members. I cant find a girlfriend and i dont think i ever will. My life is revolving around finding pleasure in meaningless sex…I am constantly in the center of attention and being bullied due to my hieght ( im 6 feet 9 ( 207cm))…the only thing keeping me alive is my passion for music. I’ve been paying the guitar for about 5 years and i cant see myself doing anything other in life but making music. It is my way of expressing myself. I act coldhearted to […]
Why does my life feel like a prison sentence?
I have done things that I am not proud of – but did I murder anyone? No, did I steal? No… I didn’t do any of the things that would get you 10 to life… yet that’s exactly what I have – A life sentence to be served daily.. no escape, horrible loneliness, no friends, just existing day after day in this damnable prison of my own mind – such betrayal – my own brain cast me in this cell.
I’m looking at suicide methods again for the first time again after a while of being good. Over the last 5 years I tried to kill myself over a dozen times, climaxing last fall when I drove my car into a telephone pole going 70 mph, which left me completely unscathed. At that point I felt like I had exhausted all suicide methods I was willing to try, and was then trapped in the living world.
I guess I still feel that way. I don’t have the nerve to do something that could result in prolonged pain or a life of suffering after failure. Can’t hang, […]
This morning, early of course, I don’t get much sleep anymore, at least I thought, left me in the dust. I told her about my depression and how sometimes I feel suicidal..I thought it would help opening up to someone. But it completely blew up in my face. I’m not sad about it, it’s expected isn’t it. She said that I was crazy and needed help..perhaps I do. I wasn’t asking for her pity, I don’t need pity, just her understanding and support you know. I see it as if she acted like that when I tried to open up to her, she was obviously […]