35 year old white male….educated, athletic, comedic, drug addict, truth searcher, lazy, the average person would say I have so much to offer…..I see there is no purpose, but I know many are in pain….., I really want to know if people who really believe they are happy have a gene switched on that allows them to believe their own lies, somehow my father understands all of this but is content with life…..playing golf and gambling….I honestly don’t know how he does it, I guess I am afraid to die since I have been suicidal since I was 10. I can make anyone laugh, make […]
Tag:
my life
I’m so very tired of things going wrong on my life. It feels like whatever I start to do results for a few moments like I’m reaching my goals and then all of a sudden everything’s wrecked, ruined, destroyed with no possibility of keeping anything good from the journey, because most of all the objects of my passion breaks and only the bad things last. And I don’t want to say goodbye to anything anymore, I am the kind of people that love intensily and keep attached to feelings, like a drug addict I want to live strong feelings, to feell alive, to forget the […]
Im horrible Im a fucking *****,When im in public I act like a wretched *****,I make faces and im rude and have somehow some way (probably through using crystal meth) mastered the art of “igorning” people without even saying a word Please forgive Im horrible and I have problems I have fucking problems
I hate my life
Im fucked up,Im wrong
world im sorry im fucking horrible dude
Im a 20 year old male and this is my story, i dont really feel like commiting suicide but i just want to share this story. I have never cutted or harmed myself in any way possible.
Ive been a normal kid before someone told me i got a tad fatter in a matter of weeks (im still 2mteters talls and i weigh 75kg..). Since that day my life went downhill really fast, i started to look away from people and the real life because i fellt like i wasnt good enough in others peoples eyes. Since that day i just felt like anything i did […]
Oh lord where do I even begin? I am new to all this and it’s frustrating and overwhelming at the same time. I have so many mixed emotions I’m not sure to look up or down. I guess I’ll start off by introducing myself I’ll go by Cam..to keep things simple. I am 27 years old, Married with 2 beautiful children. I have been married for 6 years this October. I feel as if my life is fading away in front of me. On the outside you would think I’m happy, outgoing, funny, beautiful person but on the inside I feel a very dark void […]
i’m really devestated even though many good things happined during the last periode of my life (i succeeded in finals and i’m gonna go to college ) but none of that made me feel better i still feel like i’m a looser and worthless person even though i see no reason why i should feel like that but i’m so paranoid i can’t trust anyone and i feel like no one love me they are all pretending..how could any one love or even like someone like me and i can”t make good relationships with girls cause whenever a girl date me and be nice to […]
I have so much to say it would take a lifetime to write down. Mind if I just write my thoughts here? I’m thinking of writing a book about my life. All the pain, hate, anger, love, loss and epiphanies all in one jumbled mess like it is in my brain….right here. I’ve had enough ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) for it to be so. Any doctor who tells you there are no side effects from ECT is lying. My life is a blur, but the horrible memories I can remember easily. Strong, strong memories. I just need to get my thoughts down.
Anyone here have to plan […]
It’s funny actually. How life plays out slowly. And sometimes painfully. I guess I have no explainable reason I want to commit suicide. There are reasons. Believe me there. Very deep reasons. I have thought long and hard about this. And I have made up my mind. That I am taking my life. I am not writing this in sought for. Help one would say.. Buy more in the form of. The finale will redemption. I have no one to give anything to so it’s very bothering.
I live in Johannesburg, South Africa. I am very young. Very young indeed. I have a very active […]
I just want to be loved, is that selfish?
I saw some kids walking down the street today, I wish I had friends like that, the one group of friends I had at school really just never bothered to get rid of me, only one of them has gone out of their way to talk to me since I graduated, maybe I am a little greedy, wanting more people with me.
My mom and my sister were talking about their friends in school the other day, my mom’s story was particularly painful to hear: all of them were different people, but they were still a tight group, […]
Do you ever get the feeling that everyone is fucking with you?
You don’t know who to trust, or who to believe.
It’s even harder when you’re paranoid to begin with.
What are you supposed to do when everyone you’ve ever
known has ended up screwing you over?
I can only think of one person in my life who has never let me down.
That person would be my father.
But then again, when push comes to shove,
he always rises to the defense of my psychotic mother over me.
He says that it’s the way it has to be.
If mental illness really is a genetic thing,
then I got it from my mother
and I […]
Does anyone else here feel like two different people, or am I alone? I don’t know anymore.
There’s the me that realizes life is fantastic and pretty awesome, the side of me that tells me to enjoy life while I have it. Then there’s the side of me that is realistic and tells me the honest truth: I am a mistake. I’m not supposed to be here. I don’t deserve all the wonderful people in my life. I only screw things up. I am forgiven too often. I wish I could give my life to someone who deserved […]
I came across this site and when I tried to register it said I was already registered. I didn’t realize I had posted here almost 3 years ago. I decided to try and live. But today, I still feel precisely the same as I did then. There have been massive, positive changes in my life and my lifestyle, but none of it has even made a chip in the depression I’ve felt since I was a child.
Now I’m 3 years closer to that expiration date I’d given myself: if things don’t improve by the time I’m 30, I’ll know that I’ve run my course. I […]
I want to share with you a story about my father. I want to share it because my depression is deeply affected by my family relations. The pain and hurts created a Pretend Girl who has been so very sad, so very alone and so very confused. Geee, a build up like that, who could turn away? 😉 I also want to share it because I think we are here in this crazy world to help one another. I want to share my story/stories and if you see part that can help you, I’d be so glad. I am going to write, to publish, to […]
I am 18 years old and i have been depressed and sad every single day of my fucking life for a very long time now. From the time that i wake up in the morning until night before sleep i feel terrible and sooo depressed and i can’t live like this anymore. My awful physical appearance make me hate my self and become an introvert. I am very short and have a small childlike face. I literally look like a 10 year old kid. I never had a relationship with a girl and never will. I am just an outcast in this society. This makes […]
I will tell you some of my personal story for those who care to know. So ever since I started elementary school, I wasn’t normal, I didn’t talk to anyone, I was shy, my family thought I was autistic because of mu extreme shyness. I didn’t make my first friend until the second grade. Most of my early school days are a blur and I don’t really remember, so. I started smoking weed in 6th grade, and that became the love of my life for the next 6 or seven years. When I was at school all I could think about was going home and […]
You know I always try to move on with my life I swear but the two guys i’ve ever had a relationship with turned out to be wrong for me. The first guy I eventually gave up and let go like I should have way before then. The moment I did that is when he came back into my life. Wanting me back trying to be there and being somewhat of a decent human being for once. I stupidly allowed him back into my life and that lasted for five months until I began to realize it was a mistake for both of us. I […]
what do you think of life?…
has it treat you well?…
are you happy the way your life is?…
everyone knows that life is not perfect….
who knows……
is yours?
if it is then I’m happy for you..
if it is not then I do hope you find your way……
see ya…….
in the next life……
As I type this, I’m sitting on a beach completely alone. I have no one, in the very end I’m alone. Friends are hanging out, couples are walking the beach holding hands, how did I end up like this? What is wrong with me that I have no one? I can’t be that unlikable i hope. Is god punishing me or something?. I met a girl, long distance though, though she really don’t like me for who I am, just for what I am. Can I not find any one real? Everyone is so fucking fake. Well I better get used to it, this is […]
I am not smart, not beautiful or pretty, have spent my whole life in a little black isolated hole which I cannot seemed to climb out of … my life is a huge black pit of depression and sadness and pain and I don’t know how to escape. When I was nine I was raped for three years by my brother, I’ve been cutting for ever since… I’m 17 now. I have no friends… No one who loves me for me…. I spend all my time watching time pass me by because I just have no power of what to do. I hope and pray […]
I have not always been the best person. My family seems to resent my very existence, my many false starts which ended in failure, the shame and despair that consume much of my life. But, there’s always been some hope that has allowed me to crawl onward, a bent and broken person held together by force of will.
Recently, I met someone like me. Similar story. Someone who was resented, not loved. Someone who could love the human-shaped monster that was me. She has been my saviour. But she too battles despair and pain. I hope… together, we have enough hope between us to always go […]