So I had a relapse last night. Ive struggled with heroin addiction for about ten or twelve years.
So I scored last night and the dealer accidentally gave me double what I asked for. His fuck up right…. good for me right…..
No. Not good for me. I had this messed up reaction. Ive od’ed a few times and just passed out. But this time I stayed awake. It felt like my heart was stopping. My breathing was getting shallower and shallower. Vision blurred and body was trembling all over. This is it I thought. Im going. Next comes eternal darkness. I was […]
If you read the comments on Alan’s post last night, you saw he requested a picture of a china doll and a honey badger eating sushi on a surfboard in the desert.
Actually it was a request for Hazy, but I decided I would try it too.
.
Hi hazy,
The artist name is pierre-alaine D
3mmi design
www.3mmi.org
Have a great day, night, morning, whatever
Thanks again.
Soco
Hello,
It’s been awhile. I’m doing alright, I think. Do you ever just lay down and think of all the bad things? Then it takes forever for those thoughts to die down just quiet enough to sleep decently. Past few days I haven’t slept well. I hate this feeling. One second I’m perfectly fine. Next second everything changes. Questions flood my mind. I get this blank feeling spreading across my chest, almost like its trying to take over. Ways to prevent me from moving on. It really sucks when I don’t cry. I just sit here for minutes to hours doing nothing but thinking. If I […]
I see my therapist on Friday, and I haven’t done anything I was supposed to do over the last few weeks before our appointment. It was all anxiety-related stuff, and I haven’t even given it a second thought. I’ve been too preoccupied with the building anxiety over the voices and Bree instead.
I think it’s safe to say the weird mood I’ve been in for over a month has completely and utterly dropped. I can’t even remember what it was, but something made me snap the other day and I’ve felt awful since. Or maybe I’ve just slipped into the depression-side of this hyperactive episode – […]
I’ve been through a lot in the few short years that I have been alive. 26. I’m a father. Prior service. U.S. Army. Bowling champion. Weapons expert. I’ve personally battled childhood obesity. At the age of 17 I weighed over 375. Within the year and a half I lost 175lbs. Enlisted and cultivated my life. Held friends in my arms as they passed away. Saved my family as our house burnt to the ground. Since 2007 I have attempted suicide 5 times. I took over 300 sleeping pills. Loaded shotgun to my chest. CO inhalation. Alcohol poisoning. And short suspension hanging. The pills made me […]
Last night my husband and I fought again over something trivial since I can’t remember what it was. He had to go work with his parents today since I’m not providing anymore. He said I’m forcing him and I should feel bad for him. He’s doing landscaping and I know it’s a hard job and I do feel bed for him. But back to last night, I took my pups out and stayed downstairs for a while. When I came up he got pissed at me saying “you know I can’t sleep alone and I have an important day tomorrow but I guess I should […]
I think I have the flu. Last night at work which was a horrible night in itself I started to feel weak tired headachy and sore. Kept having to sit down. Felt like I was burning up, later on found a thermometer and at 100.7 I definitely confirmed my suspicions. My mood took a hard crash in the meanwhile, feeling overly hopeless. I slept on and off for most of the past day, about to go back to sleep again. I am too tired to feel much of anything right now. I’ve only been awake because the animals gotta eat and I finally felt hungry […]
So this is just a stupid rant so read or not. ..
Im sitting on a crowded bus with class dust and tiny fragments of glass from work stuck to my sweaty skin cos the air con is not working on this bus. Some guy has tried to jam himself onto my seat when its fucking abvious im having trouble folding my 6’4″ body into a seat made for a person who is 5′. I keep sweating and thatmmakes me more Iitchy.
I feel like everyone is staring at me. Anxiety thru the roof. 2 girls behind will not shut the fuck up!!
“Like […]
Possible problem.
Last night I logged off and went to bed hours earlier than usual. I laid there and cried for what was probably an hour before falling asleep.
When I woke up today, I found that a friend had emailed me 20 minutes after I’d logged off. The email was brief and very desperate sounding, begging me to be there and answer. This friend has been in a suicidal mindset for quite a few months now; possibly even longer. Lately they’ve gotten more and more serious about it.
I […]
I’m sitting here in the dark, listening to the rain. It’s been raining a lot lately in the past month or so. I remember a few years ago the river flooding in low lying spots and coming within inches of flooding over the train track bridge. I don’t mind this rain at night or when I’m sleeping but during the day when I have to function it about kills me. I am not very tolerant of the cold and lately this has felt like an ice cold rain. There was one night in February I had to catch the bus home from work in an […]
I’ve just come back from a long late night walk [UK] on a Saturday night [weirdo uh?]. Just to try and beat the massive psychosomatic anxiety for a while. I am incredibly lonely, the only people I talk to are my aging parents. The world is a terrifying and unforgiving place for meek people like me. The isolation is slowly sending me insane. My parents know I’m deeply depressed but not that I crave death. I feel I live in a world full of happy people who will never understand or feel the pain people like me do so they will never understand or empathize. […]
In 2004, I was pondering about means to commit suicide during two months. I suffered from post natal depression after my second child’s birth. I lost ten pounds in a week, slept about two hours a night, I felt numb most of the times . Each time I felt the pain rising, I played with a knife, or pills, or I went out thinking about getting a gun. I wanted to die, but I was not sure I could succeed, and another failure was out of order.
So one night after the pain was so acute, I got drunk and afterwards, I felt so low that […]
It was almost magical, the way we met. We had talked online occasionally for a few months before, on and off. The day before she went back to school from spring break, she told me where her home was. Only a 30 minute drive from where I lived. We immediately decided to meet. When we met we exchanged stuffed animals. She thought I was going to take her to Taco Bell. I ended up sharing a plate of pasta with her in a restaurant, then brought her home where we watched a movie. Her head was in my lap, and looking deep in each others’ […]
Call it aftermath shes turing blue
Such a lovely colour for you
Call it aftermath shes turning blue
Such a lovely colour for your eyes
Call it aftermath shes turning blue
While I just sit and stare at you.
Woke up with this song in my head. Was playing the album last night but fell asleep at the first song. Subliminal listening. Cool.
Have a good day everyone.
I didnt wake up feeling so down about the fact theres another day ahead of me, in fact the first thing I did when I woke up was think of you lot and see what new things you’ve posted! I know im only new and haven’t interacted with many of you but I want to let you all know the impact you’ve all had on me, to see we’re not alone and how kind hearted we all are to go out of our way to support one another. No one makes us listen or read what we have to say, we do it because we’re […]
My biggest fear is my life passing too quickly and not accomplishing anything. I hate waking up in the morning just to know that night will soon come . I feel like I am just present during my day to day lifestyle . I am not satisfied . I don’t care to see the same people everyday, or do the same activities . I hate repetition. I can’t live a life where I wake up to work everyday regurgitate the same bullshit the next day .
I would be happier if my lifestyle was different . But it’s unrealistic. My ideal lifestyle could never happen. […]
If I tried to kill myself using the pain killer pills Midol and it didn’t work can someone explain the stomach ache I feel??
Let’s say I took 9 pills when the maximum dosage in a day is 6 and I couldn’t sleep through the night nor could I throw up but rather I spent the entire day with my stomach in pain.
It’s extremely sad and unfortunate when I realize that the majority of my depression and anxiety stems from my relationship with my ex. Would I be depressed and have anxiety if it weren’t for him? Yes. But I was never this bad until we broke up.
We talked last night. We decided to be just friends a while back, maybe a month or so ago… but since then he was seriously avoiding me. It caused me severe depression. I cry often. I can’t listen to music because 90% of music is about love. My heart breaks every moment. It’s bad. Anyway, he explained last night that […]
Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born.
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.
Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night.
My fav passage of my fav poem.