Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to hold my life in my hands, knowing that at any moment it could end. I find myself clutching a knife and wondering what would happen if I just thrust it into my stomach or into my throat. I sometimes go to the bathroom and take the bleach and hold it in my hands willing myself to drink it. Even in my most happiest moment, the thought of death still manage to pierce my inner most thoughts and I become at the mercy of my self-doubts and self-hatred. I think about death more than I think about life.I […]
no one understands
Call the police is all I can hear. Then I hear my older sister “should I call the police?” I’m stuck, in shock. Only five years old. I just watched my dad beat my mom to the ground, and now he is holding a heavy giant porcelain lamp over her head. I thought he was going to kill her. I was frozen. Scared. I don’t know what made him put the lamp down. I really don’t think he even heard the pleading and crying of my older sister because I don’t remember him looking over at us…
Seeing my dad beat up on my mom was […]
I’m sick of being alone. I have no one who I can trust. No one understands what’s going happening. They don’t understand the Angels. They don’t understand that they need me. I need to see my doctor. I need him to tell me what to do. I’m alone and I’m scared.
I don’t even know why I’m writing on here. I suppose it’s to distract myself. Maybe. I’ve been left alone downstairs. The figures keep moving in the doorway, and it’s annoying me. I’m was trying to distract myself with a film – but they’re distracting me from the film.
I can feel myself starting to […]
I don’t feel I can take this anymore. I feel so empty, so lost, so alone. No one understands what I am going through. And as time passes by, I convince myself more that I need to be gone, that I can’t be here anymore. I miss my baby, I miss him, I miss school, I miss my old life. I wish I wasn’t such a coward and could attempt my plan now because that’s the only thing on my mind. I feel so depressed, so unlucky, so miserable. I want it to stop, I wanna go to sleep and not wake up.
i am trapped between suicide and survival. i want to die because i cannot live. but there are so many obstacles, and i am so tired… i don’t want to do anything substantial. i want to lay on the road and let someone else do all the work, but that would be incredibly selfish of me. (i know we’re not supposed to talk about methods, but that’s also a terrible method. don’t try it.) i want to fall asleep in the tub. sometimes i think about driving to the ocean and swimming until i can’t anymore, but i’m too afraid of the water. i feel […]
Well its been 14 days since the new year. I guess the only new me thing I started to do was cry myself to sleep, cutting, being dead inside after my life is superficially spent helping my best friend with her almost boyfriend. I can barely do anything. Work is my escape because no one knows, no one cares, no one understands me enough to know. I laugh and take care of the petty issues that exist in the restaurant world.
I want to die at the same time i want to live. I want to go forever in peace but I want to explore life in different perspectives. I live in hell, and everyday is a battlefield and i want to feel what heaven feels like. I’m craving for some time alone. I want to go to a place away from socialization, i want to walk away from everything even just for a while. Sometimes, i want to live and every moment, i’m searching for peace.
I really wanna go back to the psych unit because I fucking hate being in the real world because people expect things of me and when im there no one expects anything but for me to be sad and thats really all i can do and i hate people in my school because they dont understand how sensitive i am and i really wanna kill myself just to prove them a fucking point and no one understands me and just kinda laughs at the weird things i do when im trying to be serious and im just done being the only person in the whole […]
I’m really tired of running from this thing.
I feel like I’m constantly in motion.
I feel like I’m all alone and no one understands.
But I guess I’m not.
A lot of us here deal with this monster – DESPAIR
It seeks to devour us.
I wish I knew why it picked on us and leaves others untouched?
Did we do something to deserve it?
Is there really something wrong in our brains like the doctors say?
And if that’s true then why?
And why can’t they fix it like any other disease?
Why don’t the meds work?
I don’t think they have a clue.
They can’t cure it.
The best they can do is put out each […]
You don’t know how much I’ve tried to talk to people about how I feel. My depression is getting worse, no one listens. I wonder what it would be like if I was dead, would I finally be at peace?When I was 14 I was told every thing would be better and I was lied to. I’m 17 and my life is hell. I just need someone to listen to me! School is hell! I feel so alone there.. I get these looks like I’m the ugliest person alive and I feel like shit. I’m cluttered with shit tons of work and I can never […]
I started freshman year of high school with slight signs of depression. I was at a stage were i hate myself. I didn’t like anything about myself. I had plenty of friends, but none who i felt i could confide in. I felt alone and worthless.
I told a few friends about how I felt, but i only told them vaguely. They all would go on rants about how amazing i was and that in no way was i worthless. I never believed them.
School started and it was getting harder. I was starting to develop an anxiety disorder. Before then i had never felt […]
I have a total failure life…
I dont get along well with anyone…
I was so different from all my family members since i was born…
I feel that no one understands how i feel…
I also have a failure marriage
A failure relationship life…
I lost all my dreams and goals…
I dont know how i can get myself happy and smile again…
I feel like every moment i m living in this world is a suffer…i can hardly breath…
I wish i have no exist in this world at all…
I m just a total failure…thats all…
The worst day was last week, seeing the guy I have loved so deeply and gave my all to go for the first girl who showed interest. Given the time to think, I really hate her. She played innocent to get my confidence as well, so that I would tell her how much I love this guy. When in secret, she was telling him she was interested in him. He goes for it because she is young, short and skinny. She admits to having multiple boyfriends and being polyamourus and the one she lives with looks well older than me. I don’t think it’s romantic. […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hc8kH3d6Bf8
why is it that I always am left with the benefit of the doubt? it’s annoying. I don’t have aspergers but I feel like I do sometimes and I cant control it. I feel like no one understands me at all. like im left to suffer. it depresses me. it disappoints me when I don’t hear the correct words I expect of the other person. at least a feedback. always happens when im in college. like no one likes me for some reason I don’t know why. I feel stupid and it makes me look like it. I guess i’ll be dying alone then […]
I was born with bad health and I’ve gone to doctors all my life, but they refuse to help me for long. All of the health conditions I have conflict with each other too much. My main are Interstitial Cystitis, Shy Bladder Syndrome, Type 1 Diabetes, Gastrointestinal, Heart condition (my main blood artery was blocked so I didn’t get the proper blood flow)… I’m in excruciating pain and it’s gotten worse in the last 3 years. I finally managed to get pain killers, but on March of this year this clinic has been fighting me. 3 times I was forced to go cold turkey and […]
have you ever felt like you don’t know what’s going on anymore? Like you dot care about anything anymore. You’ve lost your motivations to do anything. You are confused about your feelings, and you cant explain how you feel. You have that feeling o emptiness, and the feeling that no one understands you anymore. And it seems like there’s nothing to look forward to anymore.
Yeah, I get these feelings too.
Hey
To be honest I don’t even know what I’m doing here or why. I think I just need to vent and maybe, just maybe, be “understood”. I don’t mean to sound like a childish teenager who no one understands and no one ever would, I just don’t know how else to phrase it.
I used to be really depressed, for 3 years actually, although that is mostly blown over now. Some things though never seem to go away, how I act and behave is still highly influenced by those defining 3 years leading up to my late teens. I get annoyed by people, and push people away, […]
my parents left on a trip and I feel like it’s my time to leave this world
I’ve never felt so alone in my whole life. I struggle with mental illnesses, one being chronic suicidal ideation. I’ve lost everyone, no one understands me. My parents told me to do it, just not in their house. So I’ve found a place where I won’t disrespect my parents or their home. Just one problem. I have two beautiful, loving, loyal cats who have saved my life on multiple occasions. I don’t know if they’ll ever find a home with someone who loves them more than me. I’m not saying that cuz I think I’m anything special, but they are my very best friends. I […]
Well, it’s not getting any easier. Everyday seems to be more and more challenging. I think I’m at the end of my rope. Everyone just keeps saying time with heal everything, and it’s becoming a very annoying phrase to hear. Everyday I question my existence. I’ve wrote my not last week while at work. I’m leaving it in my box for access when I’m gone. I want to scream out for help so bad, but I know I can’t. It seems like a act for attention to most people. I’ve really only told one person that I considering it. And once again, I get told […]
okay, so i was just writing a post that gave everyone all the information that could possibly need and then some about any reason I may have for feeling blue. I had to stop myself mid way because I realized it wasn’t even helping me out. I was boring myself! Instead, what I am going to try to do here is just blurt it all out. Say what I’m feeling, maybe add a reason or two, and then move on to the next whatever comes to mind. I’m hoping this does at least a little something for someone if not for me.
3………………3………………….2………………………………….2……………………………………2……………………………..1…………..GO!
worthless. I […]