I am really trying here. I’m trying to do things that make me happy. I am trying to figure out ways to make things work. My kids are going away for the weekend. I will be alone and I know what that is going to do to me. I will want to end it. I will be completely alone with no one to talk to. No one will txt or call. I tried to make plans but all fell through. The quiet suffocates me. I can already feel the pain. I know if I don’t figure something out I will try to end it and […]
the emptiness coming back in and consuming me. I feel so alone, the holidays are coming up and my birthday is coming up. But honestly I have no one to celebrate with so what’s the point. On thanksgiving I will be home alone, no family, no food, even if I tried to plan something it would end up a mess. My birthday well forget that I’ll be lucky if anyone remembers or shows up. Christmas will be empty and I’ll bring in the new year alone what a wonderful thing. I’m so heart broken, sad and empty and it hurts to be alive right now. […]
Why Dreams is better than reality?
Why is Dream better than reality?
Why is dreams better than reality? Why dream is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi / sci fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, MMORPG , Interstellar , The Matrix , Avengers , X-Men , etc etc, they are much more interesting, full […]
It’s been for some years now. That feeling of loneliness and sorrow.
Since my only best friend I’ve ever had abandoned me, I didn’t find any real friends anymore. I don’t know why, but it seems that I’m just so very different from anyone else in my class and my surrounding. People think I’m strange. They avoid me. If we need to do group work in class everyone will sit happily together with their friends and I, well, I’m just standing there trying desperately to find someone to team up with me but no one hears me.
No one is on my side and helps […]
It has been a while since I last posted on Suicide Project. I know no one really cares about my posts and that is fine. I understand. Now the thing is I am doing really, really well since I was last on.
When I was last on I had just told my parents that my grandfather had molested me and that I am bisexual. I was highly depressed and I was having panic attacks and I was failing in school, not to mention I was feeling like I had no one to talk to. That was way back in I think March. I got through the […]
I have finally found meaning in life – albeit a small and obscure pursuit. I understand now that my voice, as deeply cynical as it is, deserves to be heard. Perhaps, needs to be heard. When I speak the way I do, it is because it comes from a place that is dark yes, but crude and unadulterated. It is the simple, unprocessed thoughts that run through my head on an hourly basis. They stem from a gloom that has settled over my life like a dense and poisonous fog. And yet, the skies have cleared in many ways – I see things and people […]
for the first time in a long time I feel happy, and it’s not because of anyone but myself. I feel so empowered. I’m starting to wear my tragedies as armor instead of shackles. life is 10 % what happens to you and 90 % how you react to it. I’m tired of being sad and not feeling like I’m not good enough. I know in my heart I’m worth being saved and if no one is willing to save me I’ll become my own hero. only then can I say I made it. I’m half way there and I won’t stop until the life […]
not that it matters, i cut my hair after having gone a few months without going skinhead like i usually do (only because my head itches with hair. dandruff shampoo has helped). it doesn’t matter for shit if i can look almost human in an occasional photo, because underneath it all, i was born female and naturally have female parts and so the rules are still in place – […]
Lies and begging for sympathy!!!
posts a long rant about me trying to make it sound like I’m crazy when I’m hurt by his avoiding me since he moved to the city and has his thin and popular friends around again, yet he will not allow me to post what I feel on facebook!
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
It doesn’t matter if I kill myself tonight.
I’m destined for hell anyway.
I would just be trading hell on earth for hell in eternity
And I’ve no one to blame but myself
I had plenty of chances to do good
But I never gave a shit about anyone but myself
I feel very alone
I guess I’m not allowed to ask someone to join me in this journey on this site
I want to die.
Isn’t this blog called “thesuicideproject”? so I am going to write about dying.
in case you are mistaking me to someone like Hazel Grace or Augustus Waters or the dying girl or Kate or anyone else who were dying in books, I do not have cancer nor TB nor any sickness that will cause my death. for short I am not dying, I simply just want to die.
if anyone of you have read J.D Salinger’s one and only published book, “The Catcher in the Rye”, I somehow feel like his main character there, Holden Caulfield, which is technically J.D Salinger fictionalized, because the […]
I feel like no day is different. And I can’t do anything about it. I have no one to go to. I’m tired of no one getting it and I’m tired of feeling so deeply.
Earlier in the day, my counselor mentioned something about “learned optimism” which I don’t comprehend. I don’t think being optimistic will benefit me when it is counterproductive to my desire. The thing I desire the most is sleep that will last forever; simply because I find living to be too troublesome. So, what reason is there for a man who cares not of human desires nor of universal events to breathe? In a world that shuns inactivity, happiness is only a delusion for people like me. I pray there is no one like me in the whole, entire world since this is a fate far […]
I’ve only attempted once, but no one knew. What happens when you attempted to end your suffering? Everything from how did you feel to know you weren’t successful, your hospital stay and mental health evaluation? And how your friends, family, co-workers and employer responded and acted in the days, weeks and months after. And your thoughts based on how everyone treated or continues to treat you from a suicide attempt. And did things get better or worse after? Thanks!
If you want to tell details (means of exit etc) you can, but not necessary.
you run , you love,
you could you wont,
you stay, you feel,
you should, you wont
You wont be allowed to being attached to someone without pain.
You wont be allowed to get what you want without hurt someone.
there are friends outhere , waitting for you
and most of the time they love you more than you will love them .
This time…
theres is no one waiting for me, no one who could love me more than I do,
I need to talk , to do something, to get out of my head all those “friendly” people who doesn’t love me back!
Damn it im such […]
I don’t care.
I don’t care enough to get better.
I don’t care enough to kill myself.
I don’t care enough to take anything seriously.
I don’t care enough to make anyone happy.
I don’t care enough to prove anyone wrong.
I don’t care enough to be on time.
I don’t care enough to keep my promises.
I don’t care enough to accomplish anything.
I don’t even care enough to get up early 😛
I don’t care, no one else does, I am a pathetic, retarded little child and if I die, I might just make a lot of people smile, it might even cheer this place […]
Wish I could just end this! Something or the other always stops me. I never wanted to live. My life is harsh on me and it is difficult to survive it seems. I am just another normal 14 year old teenager but what goes on inside me is unknown to everybody. I am so pressurized by studies and coaching. Every time I have a new coaching to attend and i am supposed to handle everything. I can’t! I am just a human being! My parents have cut off my connection from the outer world (except school where i have no friends basically. Actually they just […]
I hate my relationship I guess. I would not call it that. but being around him makes me hate my life. he wont leave. He lives with me because other wise he would be homeless. I cannot get a piece of mind. When I was homeless I still had to support him even though he was an ungrateful ass. I just want him gone I do not know what to do I feel like an emptied out shell. I want to die. I feel trapped in my own home. I have four jobs just so I do not have to be here with him. I […]
I went out on a first date tonight. Which means I left my bed for the first time in a week. I’m not wanting a relationship and even though the guy and I are total opposites it was nice to get out of the house and have some fun. That’s a huge step for me. I seriously haven’t put on real clothes in months and rarely leave my house. Thank god for Chinese delivery. I feel weird coming home because while I did have fun all I wanted was to be back home in my bed with the iPad. It’s my safe place and no […]