is it selfish that seeing how happy everyone around me is makes me feel even worse i should just be grateful for their well-being but instead it makes feel shit like i have no one to talk to because their happiness makes me feel like they cant possibly understand what im going through and like they wouldnt care if they did
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no one
I apologize now because this will be a long post. Doubt anyone will actually read it but I need to just find somewhere to put my feelings. I see a therapist two times a week. Every night I’m too scared to go to sleep because when I turn off the lights and try, that’s when the thoughts get the worst. “You’re a f***ing piece of shit please kill yourself.” “You’re burdening everyone, you’re gonna do them a favor by doing this to yourself.” Thoughts like that constantly. Those are more of the calm ones. Sometimes i hear almost like a voice screaming at me to […]
She don’t even remember yo birthday!!That person that used to be crying In the restroom cutting himself 30+ cuts,thats the old you.That person that tried to kill himself two times Is the old you.Now,now she don’t even remember yo birthday.People come & go but success stays with you as long as your willing to do your part.Work hard so that no one & I mean no one can take that away from you!!Its only the beginning of your young life & were all happy that you stuck around to experience It.
I wish there was this magic pill out there. Actually, it really doesn’t even have to be a pill. It could be any form. Solution, injection, whatever.
This is how it would work: Once you take it, there is no turning back. No one and nothing can reverse it.
The first 15 minutes you are fine. Gives you time to write a last minute note, record a video, make a phone call, whatever it is you want to do.
At 15 minutes you rapidly start to feel sleepy. You have to lie down. Your speech becomes labored and slurred. Your thoughts are muddled.
At 30 minutes you are completely […]
This world is boring , boring world . why movies, games, anime/manga, fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
I hate this world .
This world is so boring , boring world !
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, […]
I’m not used to being hated by everyone around me, everyone in my life. It fucking sucks. It also feels weird being totally alone; no one to talk to, no one to care about me, no one for me to care for. Typically, people love me and I’m lauded over my awesome personality and just overall likeable qualities. That’s not my own ego speaking. I literally would have at least one person a day at a very minimum go out of their way to express there admiration of one of my traits. But once again I’ve hit rock bottom and this time the […]
I haven’t experienced this dark feeling ever. I had everything, I was an amazing person who was loved by everyone but what is the benefit of getting love when you are nothing when it comes to prove your identity.
Am jobless and this is the peer pressure which is killing me. Everyone is laughing on me, my parents are also suffering because of me. I don’t want to die but I see this is the only solution of this never ending embarrassment. The moment when you are scared to pick your friends call, knowing that how pity they would feel on you is killing. I feel […]
i feel like I am a sim.
Someone is directing me from above, and is having a jolly good time at it. My wants come up, my needs…they ignore them. Instead I jump through hoops, following their torturous whims, all without questioning why…
i wish they knew the cheats for the game. They’d certainly have done “death by flies” to me by now, and we’d both be better off because no one is having fun.
Less than a year ago, I have done so many horrible things and the worst is, I tried to commit suicide. I have put to shame my very own name and the names of many others. I was 18 and I was at the lowest of lows, I have experienced a wide assortment of emotions. I have felt a way no one should ever be allowed to feel.
Up to now, I still can’t tell exactly why I did it. I was just so mixed up inside and I do not know what triggered me to do such thing. I never thought I could do […]
Everyone is connected in two ways. In life, and in death. I know what you’re thinking, I’m just a loner on the other side of this screen, no one to leave behind when I die, a not-so-happy soul, when in fact, I’m the person everyone turns to when they have problems. I’m always cheery and happy and I honestly don’t think anyone can help that..My Mum says I’m the nicest person on earth. She said yesterday that she’s glad I don’t cut or have suicidal thoughts, and when I looked at the Television, which was what she was watching, I almost gasped and fell to […]
I don’t need a reason to kill myself. I need a reason not to kill myself. I have self harmed and suffered from severe depression for around 4 months now, and this was diagnosed 2 months ago. I hate everything and everyone and every day is a depressed numb hellhole. I have no hope for the future and no motivation to do anything anymore. I am failing in school as a result and this makes me even sadder. I am losing friends and all hope. Last month I came very close to committing suicide with a train and if I had alcohol I surely would […]
You may all think I am hopelessly naive, but I am a person of faith. I long to be done with this side of existence as I really have no one or anything to make hanging around worthwhile. I suffered intense bullying as a child and teenager. I attempted at 17. But once I was out of high school, things did change. And although I have always been the proverbial misfit and lonely my entire life, things did get somewhat better for me and I had two successful careers in retail and travel. Now my health has taken all of that from me and depression […]
I am 34 years old. I am absolutely worthless. I am alone and will always be that way because I am the ugliest creature on the planet (short, fat, and the most disgusting butterface anyone has ever had the displeasure of laying eyes on). I have no hope to ever be loved. I have been trying so hard to be happy and I was doing well for a while. I was volunteering, working with kids since I will never have any of my own but my sister screwed that up by starting some shit with the wrong people online and dragging me down with her […]
So it’s been a while since I’ve posted properly. Had a good vent.
Honestly, it’s because I haven’t needed to. Things are good. They feel good. Only they don’t really feel good. Not like they should. Not like they did.
Made a new friend. It’s nice having a new friend. Distracts you from your own life.
I have a nice little community, a nice support system, if you will. And we all look out for each other. And they just accepted me in one day. And they treat me like a friend, they are genuinely interested in my life and how I’m doing. I haven’t had that in […]
Just so that I can see who would miss me?
Because right now it feels like no one would.
Like my life is so insignificant that it doesn’t matter if I’m here or not.
I don’t think my roommates would care.
I’m the only girl living in house of guys.
They don’t notice the cuts on my wrist.
Or that I spend most days crying in my room.
Or maybe they do and they just don’t care.
Either way it’s not their fault. I’m the one who is broken.
I just wish that someone would notice.
I’m just so fucking lonely.
It’s suffocating.
Every single day I live life feeling like i’m constantly suffocating.
I was manic when we started dating. That’s what the drs say. I had lost weight, was happy, wanted to stay up so late and have sex all the time. I moved In with him. He fell In love with me. Then I crashed. So low I thought of suicide constantly. I’ve never been manic or this low before. I feel as if I’ve created him. I’m not who I was. Gained weight. Ugly. Stupid. I feel so sorry for him. I should move out so he can find a good person for him. I’ve told him that and he says he wants me, […]
I have lost the love of my life. The only woman I have ever truly loved and truly loved me. I waited 36 years for her to come into my life. She was my everything. Everything I ever wanted and needed.
I don’t understand why most people insist on telling me to “move on” and that “there are plenty of fish in the sea” and other cliché nonsense like this. I am aware of this. I know I could get someone else.
Why do people not understand that I don’t want to find anyone else? Who could ever compare to her? She was not perfect. No one […]
Day 2 no meds. I’m starting to feel again and I feel a sense of rage. It’s like my body is starting to shake inside from my suppressed anger. Anger because I am one of those dickheads who always puts people first. I am always trying to figure out how to please people.
You know what!? You can’t please anyone and no one can please you. Being content and happy comes from inside. I know this, I fucking KNOW IT deep in my core. But for some reason I am constantly looking for someone, someone who will take my love, someone who will give me love.
Well […]
I hate myself. Why don’t people understand how I feel or how other people like me feel? Everything hurts even when I’m not that old yet. I wish I could escape all this madness…then I think to myself, I never really fit in in the first place…what if I dissappeared what would happen no one would care for me… “life is a play ” another person gone and the play will still go on, the world will still spin…my verse in this play dose not seem that long and important…but what if it is I mean I’m just a child to to some people… […]
Some of us were meant to live a miserable life and die alone. I use to think if I work hard and be nice to people maybe, just maybe I’d have some sort of hope in this world, but instead I am miserable, alone and almost out iof hope. Burying myself with work only worked for so long. Poetry only gave me a tomorrow, but one run’s out of words and the pain and suffering is hard to endure. The last few years have been challenging, thoughts of suicide constant and love has been obscure and friends have almost disappear. Phoenix Arizona is now a […]